All That Matters
by VillageVoice412
Summary: "I want to be a choice. And you chose Larry. I just can't fucking walk away. How do you look at the person you love and tell yourself it's time to walk away?" Starts during S1Ep13. Vauseman!
1. I Heart You

Takes place during Season 1 Episode 13. The ending gone differently. Originally intended this to be a one-shot, but then the ideas ran away with me.

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Piper was terrified. She knew Doggett was a tiny, little thing as Taystee had said. But she was scared. Piper wasn't a violent person. She was not equipped to deal with someone threatening her life. She didn't know the first thing about how to protect herself.

She needed Alex. Alex would know what to do. Alex would know how to protect herself, to protect Piper. Alex would put her own life on the line to save Pipers. Well, she would have before Piper chose Larry.

She tried to apologize to Alex. But when she showed up at her bunk, Alex was sitting with Nicky. 'So they're a thing now.' Piper thought in disgust. She liked Nicky, she did. But Alex was hers. Did Alex feel anything for Nicky? Piper knew she had absolutely no right to feel jealous or hurt. But they had just ended things. Even though she had been horrible to her. Choosing Larry over her. She had no right to be hurt. But she was.

Piper left the play and bolted outside. She needed to think. Needed space, air, answers. The cold winter air stung her skin, but Piper could barely feel it. Out here alone she could let the tears flow. No one would see her and think she was weak out here.

"Why?" She asked herself. It was a highly loaded 'why.' But the most pressing one was why had she chosen Larry? Because he was what was expected of her? Because with him they had a nice, quiet, stable life? Sure, she loved him. But he didn't light her soul on fire the way that Alex did. Alex made her feel things she only ever felt when she was with her. Not before her and certainly not after. But Alex was a drug dealer! An international heroine pusher. Piper cocked her head to the side. Was a drug dealer. As in the past. Alex was a drug dealer. Now, for however long she had been in prison, she was a fine, upstanding...prisoner...Not the best thing to be, but Piper certainly wasn't in a position to judge.

Piper was too deep in thought to hear the door open and someone join her outside.

"What the fuck is the matter with me?" Piper asked herself. "I don't want Larry!" Ice cold fear ran down Pipers back. "What have I done? No no no no no. NO!" She slammed her hands on the fence, tears streaming down her face. "FUCK!"

"Hey College!"

Pipers heart sank. Not what she needed right now. She turned around facing Doggett and tried to walk past her. But that would just be too easy. "You need to get out of my way."

"Or what?" Doggett taunted. "What are you gonna do, College?"

Piper took a step back. How she wished she was still with Alex. She tried a couple more times to get past the tiny woman, but Pennsatucky wasn't letting her. She drew a homemade sharpened cross out and showed Piper. Pipers eyes widened. Terrified didn't even begin to describe it.

But she had lost Alex. The one person in the world who truly had her heart. She shook her head. "You know what Tiffany, go ahead."

"What?"

"You want to kill me, go ahead. Nothing matters anymore!"

Doggett pouted sarcastically. "Awe, not now that you broke up with your little girlfriend?"

"You shut up about her."

Doggett rolled her eyes. "I don't give a shit about her. My battle is with you. Although," she took a step back. "Maybe a better way to get to you is to get to her."

Piper wasn't really sure what had happened next. But before she knew it she had that bible thumping meth head on the ground, her hands squeezing the life from her body. "DONT FUCKING TALK ABOUT HER!"

"Shit, Piper." A pair of strong arms grabbed her and pulled her off of Pennsatucky. Instinct kicked in at this point and Piper fought the arms around her. Had to be one of those other meth head Jesus lovers. And no one was taking her down right now. "Hey, hey it's me." Piper still fought. It's fight or flight and Piper was ready to fight. "Piper it's me!" Those pair of strong arms grabbed Pipers shoulders and turned her around. Alex. "It's me."

Piper stepped back and caught her breath. She looked around, Doggett was long gone. "Thanks" She muttered to Alex.

"So, you don't care about your own life, but you'll risk a transfer to max defend my name?"

"You heard that?"

"Yeah." Alex shrugged. "I came out before Pennsatucky did."

"Why?"

"Look I heard about the dead rat and the shower. I might be heartbroken and pissed but I don't want you to get hurt. Or thrown in the SHU for giving that bitch the beat down she deserves."

"Well. . . thank you."

Alex shrugged it off. "Did you mean what you said?"

"Like you care." Piper snapped. "Go back to Nicky."

"You left me Piper! Again, might I add."

"Didn't take you long to replace me."

"What is wrong with you?!" Alex snapped. "Aside from the fact that I just saved you from killing someone, I can't replace you. That's the fucking problem. If I could we wouldn't be in this fucking cluster fuck right now."

Piper smirked. "Say fuck one more time."

Alex shook her head and tried not to laugh. "Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"What you said when you were out here alone."

"Wasn't really alone was I." Piper replied sarcastically.

"Piper-"

"Those were my private thoughts."

Alex let out a long breath. "Can you drop the fucking macho you don't give a shit attitude for a minute and tell me how you fucking feel."

"You first." Piper snapped.

Alex scoffed and put her hands up in front of her chest in mock surrender. "You know how I feel. I've told you every chance I've had. . . I fucking love you. I'm so fucking in love with you it makes my head spin and nothing make sense anymore. I keep coming back for more even though you keep breaking my ducking heart. I hear someone say your name and have to stop myself from smiling. I think of you and nothing else exists. You know this Pipes." Alex's voice softened. "But you left me anyway." She dropped her head and turned to walk back into the prison, but a cold hand stopped her.

Piper grabbed Alex's hand, keeping her there in the yard. "I don't want Larry."

"From what I hear he who doesn't want you."

"Doesn't matter what it is. It's you Alex. It's always been you. You've always been inevitable to me."

"I don't want to be inevitable Piper." Alex said turning around. "I want to be a choice. And you chose Larry. I just can't fucking walk away. How do you look at the person you love and tell yourself it's time to walk away?"

"Alex I chose him because." Piper dropped Alex's hand and turned away. "Fuck Alex I don't know! He was the only connection to my life before coming here. My best friend had her baby without me, ended our business I quit my job for, my brother got engaged..or something, life went on and I'm just in here. Larry was the only connection I had to anything. The only thing that didn't change."

They both paused a moment taking everything in. "That actually makes a lot of sense." Alex eventually said.

Piper took a step further from Alex, looking out beyond the fence. "And you..." She smiled. "You're in here with me. You're everything that my life out there now isn't. You're in here. You're a connection to the me now and I don't feel very much like me in here so I got scared."

"Yeah, Piper I get it."Alex said, the hurt clearly evident in her voice. No matter how much Piper hurt her, Alex still wanted the shorter woman to like her. To love her.

"No you don't." Piper turned back around to face Alex. "I never stopped loving you Alex. Since the minute we met I've been head over heels for you. But were both in prison Alex! For god sake I just choked a girl!"

"Who deserved it."

"Not the point." They shared a sad chuckle.

"Look Pipes," Alex began as she walked closer. "I know it's less than ideal" she smirked. "But right now it's all we have." She reached out and took the blonde woman's hands in her own. "I want to be with you. Now, after were out. . . Forever. Can I promise you everything will be all sunshine and rainbows all the time? Fuck no!" Piper laughed. "But I want to be with you and you want to be with me. And right now that's all that matters."

Piper closed the distance between them and kissed Alex. A kiss that conveyed all her words could not. "It's all that matters."

Alex pulled away, breaking the kiss. "But god help you if you pull this shit again Chapman!"

Piper smiled. A real smile that reached her eyes and lit up her face. How Alex loved those smiles. She smiled and kissed Alex again. "I heart you."

Alex smiled. "I heart you too"


	2. Being Okay

I had originally just intended this to be a sweet little shower scene, but then it turned into much more. Alex/Piper smuttyness and sex

Reviews much appreciated!

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"You know there isn't a female CO on!"

Piper jumped out of her skin and nearly had a heart attack. She looked down at the figure that was knelt down beside her bunk. "Jesus Alex! What is the matter with you?"

"I'm sorry." Alex chuckled and kissed the blonde softly. "Good morning gorgeous!"

Piper smiled sleepily. "I'm not so sure two am is morning, but sure."

"There isn't a female CO on." Alex repeated.

"Hmm?"

"Are you deaf?"

"No I'm sleeping!"

"Well wake up and come take a shower with me."

Pipers eyes shot open as she watched Alex saunt away in the direction of the bathroom. No female CO meant there wasn't a correctional officer who could go into the bathrooms. Only female officers could go into a female bathroom. Piper got up and grabbed her shower things before darting off in the direction Alex left in. "How is there no female CO?" Piper asked.

"Fisher went on her dinner. Or breakfast I'm not really sure. And it's been a quiet night so they gave her an hour."

It wasn't their apartment in Paris looking over at the Eiffle Tower or Barcelona by the water. But it was 60 uninterrupted minutes. There wasn't a CO who could walk in on them and since Piper had choked out Pensatuckey no one messed with her. Alex just didn't get messed with in general. Before Piper came to Litchfield Alex was in and out if the SHU for getting into fights. So no one messed with her. Sure she had always been in segregation, but the other girls were in the hospital. She straightened out when Piper arrived. Time in the SHU meant time away from Piper. And they'd already spent too much time apart.

Alex returned the smile and beckoned her over with a finger. "Come here."

Piper didn't waste any time. They only had 60 minutes after all, minus the time it took them to get to the bathroom. And she wasn't going to miss a second. She wanted all of the other woman that she could get. "Why are you still dressed."

"Did you expect me to be naked?" Alex asked, taking Piper's face in her hands and kissing her with everything she had.

"Hoped." Piper replied when they came up for air.

They slowly peeled the clothes off of one another. Indulging in every little kiss, touch, caress that they could. They had time for more than a quickie fuck in the chapel now. It was going to be as romantic and heartfelt and loving as they could make it.

Alex reached over and turned on the shower, letting Piper under first once the water warmed. She pinned the blonde against the wall at the back of the shower. Looking deep into her eyes Alex gently stroked the side of the blonde's face. "I love you."

Piper smiled. One of her smiles reserved just for Alex. Sure, she smiled with her friends at meals or rec or whatever, but with Alex she glowed. "I love you."

They took their time. Each kiss was deeper, every touch longer. They had a lot of time to make up for. Sure, quickies in the chapel were fun. They were hot and sexy and exciting. It gave them the closeness and the release they both needed. But there was no romance. No assuring the other of their love with each caress. No staring so deep into each other's eyes they could see straight through to the others soul. This was more than sex. It was making love in every sense of the word. Something slow and soft and sensual. Two souls merging together somewhere far above the prison they were in.

Alex slowly trailed a line of kisses down Piper's neck to her collarbone to her breasts, taking time to knead the small mounds and give each nipple a flick with her tongue. Down to her ribs, her stomach and back up to Piper's lips. The two kissed with all the passion they could. Everything they were unable to speak with their words they poured into the kiss. Alex pulled away for a moment, looking deep into Pipers eyes. She shook her head. She was so overcome with feelings for the woman before her, but there were no words to describe what she was feeling.

They resumed their kissing and Alex began trailing her hand down Piper's body until she reached the blonde woman's sex. She played with her outer folds. Flicking her fingers in and out of the slickness. Piper moaned and threw her head back. Alex smiled and sucked on that sweet spot on Piper's neck. Not enough to leave a mark, but enougH to tease the woman at her mercy.

Slowly, painfully slowly, Alex entered Piper's vaginal folds. She traced lazy circles around Piper's clit.

"Dammit Alex!" Piper moaned in frustration.

Alex pulled Piper into a deep kiss. "You complaining?" She teased.

Piper shook her head. "I just want you."

"I know baby. I know. But I'm going to make this as special as possible, okay?"

Piper smiled. "Okay."

Alex's fingers began moving again, teasing and playing with that sensitive little bundle of nerves. Pipers hips instinctively pushed down for more contact. Alex traced the opening to Piper's vagina before slowly inserting one finger. One talented finger. She earned a deep, guttural moan in response. "You like that?"

Piper could only moan her response. It had been so long since shed been touched like this. Since Alex had touched her like this.

Alex pulled away from their kiss. To which Piper protested. "I need to stop kissing you so I can put my tongue elsewhere."

The blonde pulled Alex in for one last kiss before letting the other woman go. Alex could kiss Piper forever. There was something about the way they kissed that set her soul on fire. There was no mistaking her own excitement as she teased Piper.

Ever so slowly Alex made her way back down Piper's body. She reached over and grabbed a towel hanging on the side to put on the floor to kneel on. She didn't even want to know what was growing on the shower floor. She kneeled down on the towel and threw Piper's leg over her shoulder.

Sure, she had wished they were somewhere much more romantic. She wished she could gently lower Piper down onto a soft, plush bed as she slowly made love to her. But you work with what you have. She couldn't make the scene romantic, but she sure as hell was going to make the sex romantic.

She licked Pipers outer folds and gently let her tongue slip past the entrance. Slowly, skilled tongue flicked and sucked on Piper's clit, bringing Piper close. But not yet. She wouldn't let her get her release just yet. With the time she was taking she didn't have time to give Piper multiple orgasms. That wasn't what this was about anyway. Not this time. This was their bodies and souls reconnecting. But she would give her the best orgasm of her life.

She trailed her tongue up and down the length of Piper's sex before quickly and sharply plunging into Piper's vagina. Piper cried out, her hips bucking instinctively. In and out, in and out Alex thruster her tongue before replacing it with two fingers so she could suck on Piper's clit.

"Alex..." Piper moaned. She was close. Really close. Alex was going dangerously slow. Every touch, every kiss longer and softer. It was the best thing Piper had felt in years. But it was so much beyond sex. Piper's mind fogged with anything other than all the sensations all over every inch of her body. Her every nerve ending was on fire.

Alex smiled against Piper's sex before finally giving the blonde woman the release her body was begging for. She heard sounds come out of Piper she had never heard before. She kept going, her fingers curling hitting that spot that drove Piper wild and her tongue working her clit until Piper was pushed right over the edge. Alex kept up her pace as Piper rode out her orgasm.

"My God!" Piper cried. She reached out for Alex and held the brunette as her body twitched with the aftershocks of her orgasm. "Alex"

Alex pulled away and looked at Piper. No words were spoken. She leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Piper's lips.

"I love you." Piper said once she was able to put together a coherent thought.

Alex smiled. "I love you too."

A wicked smile took over Piper's face as she grabbed Alex and switched their positions before Alex even knew what was going on. She slammed the brunette into the wall, hard. Earning her a hiss in response. Alex always was a fan of rough sex. While Piper wasn't going to make it rough, she did love the responses she got when she indulged the brunette.

Piper took her time leisurely making her way down Alex's body and up and then down again. Piper had to keep her own needs in check as she took a nipple into her mouth and gave it a soft bite eliciting a soft moan from the brunette. She had just gotten her turn. Now it was time for her to show Alex what she had just been shown. Make the brunette feel what she had just felt. She fondled Alex's breasts. Kneading one as she sucked on the nipple of the other.

Alex's breasts were properly marked up. Piper had no qualms about leaving marks on areas the COs wouldn't see. After all, she might be low man on the prison totem pole, but Alex was hers after all. And she had to mark her territory. Alex just couldn't go to visitation for a while. A post visitation strip search would certainly land her in trouble.

"What do you want me to do to you?" She asked, once again coming up to kiss the tall brunette.

Alex shook her head. Trying to clear enough room to put a thought together. "Anything." She answered, breathlessly. She couldn't remember a time where she had been more turned on than in this moment. She had never been very sappy in the bedroom department, and maybe it was because of where they were, but with every touch she could feel how much Piper loved her. Every kiss further confirming what the women meant to each other. Alex couldn't remember ever having made love like this before. She had only ever made love with Piper. Everyone else had just been sex. She never knew it could be as soul touching as most of the sex she and Piper had shared. But this was at a whole new level.

Piper didn't spend as much time teasing as Alex did. Teasing had always been more of Alex's thing. She loved nothing more than to have Piper at her complete mercy. Piper gently cupped Alex's sex as she kissed her neck. She parted her nether lips with two fingers while a third flicked across her clit. Alex's hips pushed down searching for more contact. Piper happily gave in as she slid a finger deep into Alex's vagina.

"Fuck! Piper!" Alex moaned.

Piper smirked. She loved the effect she had on the other woman. Alex was always so in control. Piper loved that she could make her lose every once of control she had. Making her way slowly down Alex's body again, Piper knelt down on the towel on the floor and pushed Alex's legs apart, eliciting another moan from the brunette. Her nose gently nuzzled the barriers to Alex's vagina, pushing through them. She blew hot air across Alex's clit as her tongue sought refuge deep within Alex's sex.

"Fuck Pipes!"

Piper knew it would take very little for Alex to reach her high. Alex may have been the queen of teasing, but when she was teased even a little bit, it was her undoing. Piper picked up her pace. Thrusting her tongue in and out of Alex, bringing a thumb up to the other woman's clit. Working up to simultateous clitoral and G-spot orgasms. It was hard to reach the G-spot with just her tongued and Piper hadn't done it in quite some time. But as she had to use her spare hand to help Alex stay standing, she knew she found it.

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Piper!" Alex cried as her orgasm came hard and fast. Wave after wave of pleasure coursed through her body making Alex see stars. Piper was on her feet quick, holding the older woman up. It took a few minutes for Alex's body to become still again.

"That was amazing." Alex beamed, her voice catching in her throat.

Piper looked up at the brunette. "Then why do you look like you're about to cry?" She held the brunette tightly as sobs wracked her tall frame. "Hey, hey it's okay. It's okay Alex I'm here."

Once the sobs subsided, Alex pulled away and softly kissed Piper.

"You wanna talk about it?"

Alex smiled. "I needed this."

"We both did."

"I don't just mean the sex." She shook her head. "I needed that closeness with you." She trailed off, not knowing the words to convey what she needed to say. All she knew was that she felt connected to Piper to a whole new level. And she could tell by the way Piper was looking at her that she felt it too. Neither could explain it. Maybe they just needed to feel like it had been when they were together all those years ago. To see and feel that that earth stopping love they shared was still there. That they weren't using each other because of their history or convenience. They weren't just '_being human_' as Alex had said. But that they were two people who were meant to be together. Finally coming together despite all the odds against them.

"I know what you mean." Piper spoke. She reached up and wiped the wet hair from Alex's face. "I've missed this side of you." They sharEd a smile. "I know we're in prison and you have an image you have to keep up, but..." She trailed off.

Alex gently urged Pipers face up with a gentle hand under her chin. "But what."

"I thought I'd lost you. The Alex I used to know. The romantic, sweet and gentle Alex. I was worried prison had changed you or that our time apart...that you weren't that Alex anymore." Despite working for an international drug cartel, Alex had always been very sweet and soft with Piper. She always took every chance she had to hold her or touch her. Told Piper how much she meant to her every chance she could.

"Well I'm not that Alex anymore." Alex admitte. As she reached over to shut the water off. It had long ago turned cold but botho women were so on fire neither noticed. "You were the first person I'd ever given all of myself to. You were the only person I'd ever loved." Alex saw Piper's panicked expression at the use of past tense. "_Are_ the only person I've ever truly been in love with. You made me . . . Happier than I ever knew possible. And when you left. . . I don't know Pipes, I changed. I never put myself in that kind of position again where someone meant that much to me. Where them leaving could so completely fucking destroy me. Where their love and loving them was the most important thing in my world."

Piper looked down. Unable to hide the sadness she was feeling. "That was the worst mistake I've ever made in my life. Leaving you is the biggest regret I will ever have."

"I know it is." Alex smiled softly. "I didn't say any of this to make you feel bad or dredge up the past. Just to explain. I'm not that Alex anymore, certainly not in this fucking place. I've closed myself off more so that I never felt that kind of pain again. But this," she gestured between them. "Made me feel like the old Alex. Like the old us. When things were good and uncomplicated."

"Aside from the drugs." Piper joked.

Alex chuckled. "Aside from that." She agreed. "I have walls now. And you've pushed your way back inside them and it scares me. It scares me that I've let someone, let you, back in. That's why I'm different now. And were in fucking prison. I have to keep a mask on, my guard up. But I'm trying Pipes. I'm trying so hard. And I want you in, I do." She kissed Piper. "More than anything else."

"I know it's hard to let someone back in after trying so hard to keep them out." She smiled sadly. She had done that with Alex for the years they had been apart. Trying to push the other woman as far out of her mind and her heart as she could. But when she saw her again that first time in Litchfield everything came running back. "I'm not going to leave you again."

"I know." Alex nodded. "I need you, Piper." Alex began, her breath catching as a tear escaped. "I need to be with you." With Piper by her side, life had meaning again. She wasn't just going through the motions day in and day out. She had a purpose. As much as she had fought it in the past, telling herself talks of fate or destiny were shit, Alex Vause had been out on the earth for Piper. Just as Piper had been put there for her. "As long as I have you I'm okay."

Piper nodded, pulling the brunette as close as she possible could. "Then you will always be okay."


	3. Getting it Together

It can't always be rainbows and butterflies as much as I love when things are good between these two. They do have some serious stuff they have to work out.

I also apologize for any spelling mistakes or random letters capitalized in the middle of A word or extra words added that make no sense. I'm writing on my ipad and autocorrect sucks. Haven't even turned my laptop on in almost a year and it was sucking before them so I'm pretty sure its dead. I go over every chapter a couple times, but some things escape me.

Hope you enjoy reading. Reviews will make me update faster ;)

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They had been going around in a blissful state of denial for a couple of weeks now. Well, maybe denial wasn't the best word. Neither denied they had things to talk about. They just didn't talk about them. Piper had already admitted that she didn't have the balls to free fall through life with Alex. She liked doing what was expected of her. She liked her life after Alex. Not so much the Larry part, but the security and the order and routine. And Alex wasn't good with relationships. she didn't know all the rules, she had said. Piper was the only woman Alex had ever been faithful to. When they were together and traveling the world, Alex never even looked at another woman. She found other ways to persuade prospective new drug mules to work for her. She even worked her deals from different angles. Of course flirting was part of it, but it was greatly toned down while she was with Piper. But everyone before and after Piper was another story. She didn't know if she even knew how to be in a relationship anymore. In prison, it was easy. She only talked to a few select women and of them maybe Nicky could be considered her friend but that was it. No potential love interests. But what about on the outside?

Deep down neither woman knew what any of it meant. They were together, sure. But they weren't going to be in prison forever. What happened then? Piper would be out before Alex. Would Piper wait for her on the outside? Would Alex wait for her on the inside? Of course they wanted to be together and sail off into the sunset, but was it possible out there with the temptations of life and other people and the drug world pulling them back in? They had a few happy years together, but could they do it again and change the outcome?

Neither woman could sleep tonight. All those thoughts swirling around their heads. They had put it off long enough and it was slowly eating away at them. It was finally time to face reality outside of the fishbowl they were in.

* * *

"I wanna nest with you." Piper began softly, going back to a conversation she and Alex had before on an identical prison bunk. Something about going with Larry if she wanted to nest. Or if she wanted to do x on a beach in Cambodia to chose Alex. "We did this all before, why is it so hard now?"

Alex closed her book as Piper sat down beside her. She sighed. It had been an amazing few weeks, well as amazing as it can get in prison, but it was time to talk. "Because we know the outcome this time." She admitted. "The truth is, neither of us trusts the other. Or we wouldn't have these issues. We both lied and hurt each other too much."

"What are you saying?"

Alex shrugged. "I don't know."

"I love you."

"I love you too Pipes. But sometimes that's not all that matters. Sure, in here we can play house and go around like everything is great. But we're not going to be here forever." She let out a sad breath. "I have no skills out there. What the hell am I supposed to do with my life? I'm not saying I'm going to go back to it, but moving large amounts of heroin is the only thing I'm any fucking good at. And that's what ruined us. I want to be with you Piper. I do, more than anything on this world. But what happens when I can't find a fucking job because there's nothing else I'm good at? How am I supposed to take care of us?"

"I don't need you to take care of me Alex."

"I do."

A few moments past the two in silence. It was Piper who finally spoke. She turned toward Alex, waiting until the dark haired woman looked up at her. "I love you, Alex. I want to be with you. I will give everything up and free fall through life with you. You just need to promise me one thing."

Alex's heart pounded. She knew there was only one thing in this world she couldn't promise the love of her life.

"No drugs."

Alex scoffed sadly. "I can't promise you that."

Piper rolled her eyes and stood up. Alex was quick to reach out and stop the blonde from running away. "What happens when were out and have nowhere to live because I can't get a job with my record?"

"What happens to me when you get caught and sent back here? You want to take care of me so much, how will you then?" Alex dropped Piper's hand. "You are a smart woman Alex. So smart. You're well read, internationally traveled, you know a couple languages-"

Alex shook her head sadly. She wasn't planning to go back. Piper was all that meant anything to her anymore and she would do whatever she could to be with her. But despite her smarts and international prowess, she was still an ex con who only ever had one job - importing heroin. Piper was a good woman. She was accustomed to a certain kind of life. No minimum wage gig, if Alex was able to get one, would provide that. They had traveled the world together. Always flying first class, gorgeous hotels, luxurious parties, dropping insane amounts of money on anything and everything. She once bought Piper a $1800 sundress because it matched her lovers eyes.

How could she go from that to barely being able to make ends meet? Living in some tiny, shitty little apartment. "I can't promise you that Piper I'm sorry." She could only watch as Piper walked away. She tried to pretend she didn't see Piper reach up and wipe a tear from her face.

* * *

"So you wanna go fuck in the chapel?"

Alex dropped her fork into her tray and turned to the woman beside her. "Really Nicky?!" She snapped.

Nicky shrugged. "Why not?"

"Because I'm in love with Piper."

"Ugh love. We're all in love with someone. But we're in prison, Vause. Besides, sounds like she left you."

"She didn't leave me. We have issues we need to fucking deal with but I'm still with her."

"But is she still with you?"

Alex scoffed sadly and stared ahead. Her meal forgotten.

"You've gone soft Vause."

"Look Nicky," Alex began, clearly annoyed. "Yes, we are in prison. Yes, it fucking sucks. Yes, I would do anything for the woman I love. It doesn't mean I'm fucking soft because she and I had a fight and I'm not going to go fuck you. It means I'm actually a decent fucking human being."

"For once." Nicky scoffed. "She know you let me fuck you give minutes after you broke up on Christmas?"

Alex looked up, her eyes widening in horror. "Piper-" She hadn't seen her enter the cafeteria.

Piper opened and closed her mouth several times, but nothing came out. Of course she had suspected something between the two of them after she told Alex she chose Larry, but to hear those words... She put her tray down, turned and walked away. Alex slammed her fists down on the table and took a ragged calming breath before turning to Nicky. "Just because you're a miserable bitch doesn't mean you can go around fucking up other people's lives."

"You didn't exactly say no." Nicky chuckled as Alex got up and chased after Piper.

When Alex finally caught up to her, Piper was steaming. "Are you fucking kidding me Alex?! A few weeks ago you told me you couldn't get over me. You couldn't replace me. How long after you _fucked_ Nicky was that?"

"Piper-"

"Go fuck yourself, Alex!" Piper spat, turning and walking from Alex again.

Alex threw her head back and closed her eyes tight. "Fuck." Why couldn't things between them stay good for more that a couple of weeks at a time?

"It's this place."

Alex turned around and smiled sadly at Morello. She had always been nice to Alex. To everyone really. "What is?" She asked. She would take any kind of advice from anyone who came along at this point.

"How things can go from being so good to being so bad." She began. "It's this place. When you find a little happiness it is the happiest you've ever been in your life. But then again, when there's a little problem it feels like your world is ending."

Alex shook her head. "I really fucked up." Morello cocked her head to the side and waited for Alex to explain. "Nicky and I..." She trailed off. "...right after Piper and I broke up."

"Well, you were broken up."

Alex nodded. "But a couple weeks ago I told her I could never replace her and letting Nicky fuck me right after we broke up doesn't exactly show that." She sighed. "And I didn't tell her. She heard it from Nicky."

Morello shrugged. "Nicky takes advantages of bad situations." She began. She would always have a soft spot for the messy haired girl, but the truth was the truth. "Did it mean anything?"

"No." Alex said, shaking her head. "I was hurting, she was there, she initiated it." She sighed.

"It's about comfort, right?" Morello began, attempting a joke. She placed a supportive hand on Alex's shoulder. "Let Chapman cool down. She will come around. You two are the real deal."

"You think so?" Alex asked. She knew what she felt in her heart and what Piper felt, most of the time. But it was nice to get an outside perspective.

"Yeah. You want me to talk to her?" She asked.

"Couldn't hurt."

Morello smiled. "It'll be okay." With a smile she got up and headed up the stairs after Piper.

Alex watched her go before turning slowly in the direction of her bunk in the suburbs. One day they would get it together. Alex Vause didn't pray, but she prayed one day they would get it together.


	4. Promises

serious case of writers block going on guys. Not sure if it's because I finished watching the show or what, but it's hardcore. Also, I keep getting all these alerts you guys are following the story but then no reviews :(. Which makes me think no one likes it so I'm not very compelled to write more. So, please review. Let me know what you like and whatnot so I can include more of it. :)

* * *

"Hey Nicky could you help me for a minute?" Nicky looked up from where she was 'fixing' a light fixture above the hallway. Honestly she could fix it in about six seconds, but she didn't want to go back to the shed and be forced to fix a lamp. She was so tired of fixing lamps.

"You wanting some chapel time, Morello?" She winked to the short woman below her. "I always have time for that."

Morello couldn't find Piper anywhere so she figured if anyone knew where Piper was, beside Alex, then it was this crazy haired woman. Even though she was sure Nicky was the last person Piper wanted to see right now. "Have you seen Chapman?"

Nicky cocked an eyebrow and came down a few steps. "You switching to blondes now?" Morello just gave her a look. "You can try it," Nicky began, going back to her light work. "But I'm pretty sure the only girl she will go for is Vause."

"Nicky be serious." Morello shot back.

Nicky stopped her light work and came down the ladder. "What's going on?"

"You are what is going on!" Morello shot back. "You couldn't keep your damn mouth shut."

"Is this about me and Vause?" Nicky asked.

"No." Morello stated. She tried to hide the hurt from her voice. Truth be told, she was hurt by Nicky and Alex too. She knew she gave up any and all right to Nicky, and she knew Nicky had been with women in the prison both before and after her, but it still stung to have it thrown in her face. Especially when it was a mutual friend. "This is about you keeping your mouth shut. You didn't even give Vause a chance to tell Chapman herself. Things had just gotten good with them." She may be batshit crazy, but Morello was a true romantic at heart. "Sometimes you can be a real asshole."

Nicky let out a long breath. Lorna was right. Her and Alex's little fling, if you could call it that as all it consisted of all of one quick fingering, didn't mean anything. Alex was heartbroken and looking for a little comfort. Nicky shook her head and put the ladder away in a nearby closet. She had to make things right. Besides, she knew where Piper would be if she didn't want anyone to find her. And aside from Jenkins, Nicky was just about the only one who could catch her.

She made her way outside and to the track. Sure enough, Piper was the only one out there. Nicky hung back for a few minutes. While she could keep up with the blonde, Piper had some rage she had to run off and Nicky couldn't keep up with that. She had occasionally joined the blonde on a run, but she was more there for the social aspect. To catch up on her Alex and Piper drama or other gossip the blonde had heard around the prison. Not the running. Although when she was really missing the smack and jonesing for a fix Piper had helped her channel that into running.

_"Fuck!" Nicky seethed as she slammed her fists down into her metal locker. She reached over and threw everything on top of her locker onto the floor. Reached down and flipped over her mattress, her pillow and blankets flying across the cube. One of the guards had stopped her on the way to her bunk for a pat down. A very handy pat down. She wasn't one normally on the list for a grope when the guards were feeling antsy, but it happened occasionally. And it pissed the brunette off to no end. Nothing would happen if she told another CO. No one would believe her. Or if they did, they would just make it happen more often to shut her up. They could do whatever they wanted. _

_"Nicky, what the hell?" Piper asked, coming up behind the shorter woman and grabbing her hands. She quickly looked over to the CO bubble, thankful that no one was paying attention. If Nicky kept this up she would get in serious trouble for throwing her things around. "What happened?" She asked, putting Nicky's mattress back on her bed so the angered woman could sit. She reached down and picked up the things off the floor. __"You're gonna get sent to SHU if they see you."_

_"Fucking guards can't keep their fucking hands to themselves." She turned to the CO bubble. "Fucking pigs!" She shouted. Not that the CO heard her. O'Neil was on duty in her dorm which meant Officer Bell was in there as well. She scratched her arms. She needed a fix. That had always calmed her down. Not like there was anything else in prison to help. And she knew who to get it from too. _

_Piper finished fixing Nicky's locker just in time to grab the other woman's arm before she made a bad decision. Well, another bad decision. She turned and pulled Nicky in the other direction. "Come on."_

_"Let me go Chapman!"_

_Piper stopped and turned, but didn't let go of Nicky's arm. "Do you really want to go and get involved in that shit again?" She questioned. Nicky looked away. "Get hooked again, have to detox again? What would Red say? You'll get sent down the hill to detox and then what? Is it worth more time on your sentence?" She dropped Nicky's arm. "Because if it is, by all means." She gestured back down the hall they had come from._

_Nicky took a step back and leaned against the wall. "What do you suggest?" She didn't want to go down that road again, but it was the only thing that gave her any fucking relief. And sometimes the overwhelming desire to feel that bliss, that numbness for even a second got to be too much. _

_Piper smiled and pushed Nicky out the door to the track. "Go."_

_Nicky raised an eyebrow. "Go where?"_

_Piper dragged her onto the track. "Go. Run. Run until your legs are on fire and your lungs feel like they're gonna burst. Then run some more. Run until the pain in your body is all that you can think about."_

_Nicky looked at the blonde like she was crazy. But, really, what was the alternative? So Nicky did. She ran and she ran and she ran. She ran until there were buckets of sweat pouring off her body and she couldn't think of anything other than the pain. She ran until she couldn't take another step and Piper had to help her back to her dorm. But she hadn't used. _

Nicky caught Piper as she rounded the corner and joined in on the blondes pace.

"You know, sometimes I regret ever bringing you out here." Piper began.

"No you don't." Nicky stated. She knew Piper didn't. The blonde was happy that she had helped Nicky in a moment of weakness and had given her an outlet rather than using. "You're just pissed."

"No fucking shit Nicky!" Nicky grabbed Piper's arm and slowed them down to a stop. Piper stopped, but yanked her arm back and took a couple of steps from Nicky. "Why?"

"Why not?" Nicky answered with a chuckle. "Look Chapman it's fucking prison, okay? You had just broke Vause's heart. Again, from what I hear. I was there and she was devastated."

"You took advantage of her?"

"It's prison." Nicky shrugged. "I was trying to make her feel better." Piper glared at the other woman. "Look," Nicky began softly. "_You_ had broken up with her. _You_ didn't want her anymore. Sometimes you just need something to take your mind off the pain, even for just a couple of minutes. She didn't even touch me." She held up a hand to Piper to let her finish. "You have running. But Vause and I prefer to fuck our problems away, okay? And you know what? She cried. It's not something I'm used to, but she fucking cried. Over you. Again. So before you get all pissy and mad at me just remember . . . You left her. I was only trying to help."

Piper watched as Nicky turned and went back inside. In her own fucked up way, Nicky was just trying to help Alex and Piper could see that. She had no claim on Alex when she and Nicky had hooked up. Alex was free to fuck whomever she wanted. Piper had just ended things. _Again_, as Nicky reminded her. She was an emotionally manipulative narcissist who had started a relationship with Alex only to leave her again. It wasn't fair and she knew it. She had no right to be mad at Alex for trying to find a little comfort, especially after Piper had left her.

Piper shook her head and ran inside. She needed to hurry if she was going to get a shower in before count.

* * *

Piper didn't see Alex for the rest of the day. She wasn't sure if Alex was avoiding her or if they had just both been busy. They didn't have much downtime in prison except on weekends. Downtime lead to trouble so they were kept as busy as possible. Although Alex wasn't at lunch and that was worrisome. Piper sat with the usual cloud - Morello, Yoga Jones, Boo, Nicky. She wasn't mad at Nicky anymore. In her own fucked up way Nicky was only trying to help. They'd talked and were okay. "Have you guys seen Alex?" They all shrugged. Piper looked around. Alex hadn't been at lunch, surely she wouldn't skip dinner too? Piper was the one that was supposed to be upset so shouldn't Alex have been seeking her out?

"I'll catch up with you guys later." Piper said as she bussed her tray, pocketing her carefully napkin wrapped brownie. She checked the obvious places first - her bunk, the laundry, bathrooms, rec room...No Alex. Half an hour later it finally dawned on her where her raven haired love was. It wasn't a very big prison, but there were plenty of hiding places. But she knew where she would find Alex now. And there among the few rows of books in the library, she was. Laying down having what Nicky referred to as a _'Barnes and Noble_' moment. Piper walked over and gently kicked her foot. "Hey."

Alex looked over and smiled sadly. "Hey."

"You missed lunch." Piper said as she sat down beside Alex. "And dinner."

Alex let out a breath as she sat up. "Yeah." She carefully folded the corner of the book she had been reading and set it down. She gently took her glasses from the top of her head and put them back on her face, using that action to cover up her wiping a few tears from her cheeks. She wasn't a cryer. Alex Vause was not known as a cryer. Her whole upbringing and her life before she met Fahri and got involved in heroin, was shit. It was hard and sad and a lot of the time dark and cold as their electricity and heat were shut off more than they were on. But she'd never cried over it. Her life had hardened her. But somehow, the blonde woman before her turned her into a blubbering fool.

Alex could harden he heart when it came to Piper if she had to. When Piper left her in Paris or, more recently, the past Christmas, she had to harden. She couldn't break down and completely lose it. When Piper left her in Paris, Alex had to deal with arranging everything for her mothers funeral. There wasn't time to fall apart. A week or so later when she finally realized Piper was truly gone she let herself loose it. But that pain was too much for even her to deal with so she'd turned to heroin. When Piper left her on Christmas, Alex turned to Nicky. She was a terrible junky, absolutely no desire to turn back to heroin and Nicky was there. But she couldn't lose her shit in this place and ball her eyes out over her lost love.

However, now, Alex was feeling vulnerable. She couldn't help it. Piper had gotten under her skin, again. And this time she had nothing to dull the pain. So she tried to escape into a book as she'd done so many times before in her life. To lose herself in the story and forget about the shit storm that was her life at the moment. But it hadn't worked. This time, it hadn't worked. And every part of the story reminded her of a memory with the golden haired woman beside her. She didn't know if she would ever have the words to tell Piper how much she truly loved her or how badly she wanted things to work out.

Piper nudged Alex and gave her the wrapped up brownie from her pocket. Alex smiled And took the offering. "Thank you." They were fucked up in that way. Even when they were mad at each other or hurt by something the other said and did, they still took care of each other. M_aybe that wasn't so fucked up at all_, Alex considered. Not that she knew, but maybe that was how a real, loving relationship went?

Piper noticed Alex's red eyes, but didn't say anything. She knew the brunette didn't like to be seen as weak. She reached over and entwined her fingers with Alex's. "I'm sorry." She began. "I have no right to be upset by anything you did after I told you I chose Larry."

Alex nodded. "No, you do. When you hear the person you're in love with has been with someone else, even after you, it hurts." She shrugged, looking down. Piper felt her heart squeeze in her chest. She can't imagine how it hurt Alex hearing everything about her and Larry. How her coming to Alex with her problems with Larry had to hurt the brunette.

Piper looked down at their entwined fingers. "I'm sorry." She reiterated. "For everything."

Alex smiled sadly. "Me too. I'm sorry I went to Nicky and I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it. You shouldn't have heard that from her." She looked down at their hands together and shook her head admitting defeat. Their hands fit so perfectly. "Maybe our time is just over."

"Maybe." Piper said with tears in her eyes. "Then why does the thought of you being with anyone else break my heart?"

"Same reason the thought of being with anyone breaks mine." She looked away, willing the tears not to fall. "I don't want you to be with anyone else."

"I don't want to be with anyone else." Piper cried.

Alex gently wiped the tears from Pipers face before quickly brushing her own away. "Then why can't we get this to work? Why is it this so fucking hard?"

They sat in silence for what felt like hours. Tears falling from each woman's faces, their hands held tightly together between them.

"Because we know the outcome." Piper said softly. "With drugs involved, we know the outcome. It's never been our love for one another that's been the problem. Even when we _fucking hated_ each other we still loved each other. But, no matter how little you're involved with heroin, it will take over your life again and then there's no room for me." She finished speaking just as softly as she had started. Alex had chosen smack over her once before. Piper didn't doubt she'd do it again.

Alex let out a frustrated breath and shook her head. Why couldn't she have both? She'd made it three years with Piper while importing large amounts of heroin and things had been fantastic. They'd been stupidly happy traveling the world together. Waking up in the morning, wrapped in each others arms, no idea what the day would hold or where they'd end up. It was only after they increased, more like doubled, her output that their relationship went spiraling quickly down the drain.

Before Piper she'd had big plans in the cartel. She was already pretty high up on the chain when she was with Piper and even higher when she was arrested. Another ten years or so and she would have owned everything. With her skill alone she could have, but you had to wait until the higher ups aged and needed someone younger and hotter to step in. Someone who knew their shit. Someone like Alex.

It wasn't so much the drugs Alex missed. She missed the power, the adrenalin, the money. The deals she made happen, the parties, the trips. She'd had an amazing fifteen years with them. Maybe that was enough. It had been a great ride. But she wasn't twenty-one anymore being swept up in the money and the rush she got. She wasn't in her late twenties anymore traveling all over the world making multi-million dollar deals happen. She's given these people years of her life and what did she have to show for it? What had they given her? A long sentence on a hard prison bunk.

As if reading her thoughts Piper spoke. "Do you miss it as much as you missed me?" She asked, referring back to the years they spent apart after their Parisian breakup. Or even the time they'd been in prison together when they absolutely fucking hated one another. Yet remembering the happy years they'd shared when they caught a glimpse of the other, heard them speak or someone mention the others name. Locked up together close enough to touch and yet consumed with too much hate to forget all the hurt the other had caused to their life. Even though they were still madly, irritatingly at times, in love with one another.

Alex looked up at what was right infront of her. Piper. The business certainly hadn't helped her with that. Yes, Piper had left her. When her mother died. But Alex couldn't really blame her. It was shitty timing, but Pipers reason for leaving had been valid. The blonde had never asked for anything of Alex. Ever. Except her time. The parties, the trips, the gifts - of course they were nice, but Alex knew Piper would have happily given them up for a little of the brunettes time. In fact, Pipers favorite trip they'd taken had nothing to do with Alex's job. It hadn't even been a big, fancy place they went to. It was just a long weekend trip they'd taken up in Vermont. Just them, a car and a map. And it had been heaven.

_"Another trip?" Piper asked, looking down at the bags on their bed. She put the towel she'd been using to dry her hair down on a nearby chair. She'd only been in the bath for twenty minutes. Though she had quickly learned that in Alex's world things could completely change in under twenty seconds._

_"Mhmm" Alex nodded as she grabbed some clothes from a drawer and threw them in one of the bags._

_"Where to this time?"_

_"Vermont."_

_Piper looked at Alex unsure if she heard her right. "Vermont?" She repeated. Alex nodded and gave her a quick kiss. "Lot of heroin shooting mountain people?" She joked._

_"Nope."_

_Piper was confused. "Who's going?"_

_"Just me," Alex began, moving closer to Piper. She gave the blonde a kids as she wrapped her arms around the younger woman's waist. "And you. My aunt has a cabin she said we could borrow for the weekend."_

_"Like a vacation?" Piper questioned, her eyes lighting up. "Like normal people?"_

_Alex smiled at pipers excitement. The blonde was nearly jumping up and down in excitement. "Just like normal people."_

All these years later the drugs were gone but there was Piper. Offering all of herself. Willing to ride off into the proverbial sunset with her. As long as she would give up the drugs.

Alex shook her head. "No." She answered honestly. "Not even close."

Piper smiled sadly. "I missed you." She shrugged. "I still do."

Alex physically felt her heart break. She wanted nothing more than to be with the woman infront of her. "It's not going to be easy."

"What isn't?" Piper asked in confusion.

"Life after prison, without my job."

Piper was ecstatic, bit she needed to hear Alex actually say the words. She needed to hear Alex promise her. Unconsciously she held her breath as she looked deep into Alex's eyes.

"I'm not promising it will be easy, but . . . No drugs." She smiled as Piper fell into her arms. She wrapped her arms as tightly around the other woman as she could. "I love you" She whispered into the blondes ear.

Alex realized with every passing day, hour, minute, with the ten years they spent apart and the time they spent in prison with people dying and being assaulted, that time wasn't as plentiful as she had once believed. She would never again miss an opportunity to tell Piper that she loved her. She smiled brightly as Piper repeated the words back to her. The blonde gave Alex much more than her heroin importing job ever did. "I will never again chose drugs over you Piper. I promise."


	5. You're Being Moved

Thanks for the reviews guys! It's great hearing that you like the story! I hope I do it justice for you all. I'm taking some things you've mentioned into account and tidying up some loose ends with things going on in the show, but that I haven't mentioned in the story.

Still have a pretty strong case of writers block going on. I'm trying to make this story more or less follow the actual story lines of the show, with the exception of Piper going to SHU for the beat down on Pennsatuckey. As in my version she didn't really beat her, just choked her out a bit ;) We will just pretend no one found out it was Piper. I also make up how long Alex's sentence is as they never say on the show.

* * *

Alex leaned down and placed a gentle kiss just behind Piper's ear and pulled the blonde in closer. She took a deep breath, taking in all of Piper she could. They didn't have much time. One of the ironic things about prison. Locked up behind the walls and gates with nothing but time. And yet there was never enough time to savor the little happiness the women found within each other's arms. "Baby wake up." Piper mumbled something sleepily that made Alex chuckle. "Come on Pipes we only have a few minutes."

Piper turned around in Alex's arms and nuzzled into Alex's neck. "Just want to say here." She mumbled sleepily.

"I know." Alex kissed the top of Piper's head. "But the guards are switching soon so you need to go back to your own dorm."

Piper moaned her protest, but sat up anyway. Well, almost sat up. She got about half way and then collapsed back down into Alex's arms facing the brunette. "Five more minutes."

"Okay." Alex agreed. "But then you have to go."

Piper nodded. "I know I know."

"It wouldn't do either of us any good to end up in the SHU."

Piper opened her eyes and looked at Alex. "I will go in five minutes."

Alex smiled and placed a gently kiss on the blondes lips. "I wish I could hold you all day."

Piper smiled. "Me too. Someday."

"Really?"

Piper nodded. "Yes." Alex looked away. "Al what's the matter?"

Alex looked away for a moment to gather her thoughts before looking back at Piper. "We don't have a great track record-"

"It will be different once were out."

"Once you're out? Or once I'm out? Because I have another seven years left in here Piper. That's six more once you're out."

Piper let out an audible gasp. She knew Alex had more time than her, but had no idea it was that much time. "Six years." She repeated. More to herself than anyone else. How was she supposed to leave Litchfield and then wait six years for Alex to come out? She would be nearly forty by that time. Granted, she had gone eight years without the brunette when she left her that fate changing day in Paris, but things were different now. Prison had given her a lot of time to think and reflect. Reflect on herself. She knew more about herself now than she did coming in. The few months she had been in Litchfield had taught her more about herself than she had ever expected to know.

No, that wasn't true. Deep down she knew these things about herself. She knew all those years even after she left Alex that she was still in love with the tall brunette. That she wanted her back. She wanted their life. Not the drugs, but she wanted a life with Alex. That she wasn't that boring girl from Connecticut anymore. Sure, when she left Alex she slipped back into the role of that boring little girl. She was who she was brought up to be, who she was expected to be. But that wasn't who she was. Alex had fundamentally changed her. So had prison. She realized who she was and what she wanted and that living the life she was expected to live wasn't going to make her happy.

As crazy as it was, Piper was happier here in this moment, in prison, than she had been in the past eight years. All thanks to the woman who had her arms around her. But six years was a hell of a long time. How could she go six years with only occasional weekend visits, intermittent phone calls and letters that were only sometimes given a response.

Alex nodded. "I know."

Piper reached up and tucked a stray lock of hair behind Alex's ear. "We will figure something out."

"Like what?" Alex scoffed.

Piper shrugged. "I don't know. But we can figure it out." She placed her hand under Alex's chin and gently lifted up until Alex looked at her. "I left you one before Alex I'm not going to do it again. We. Will. Figure. It. Out." She explained, being sure Alex heard every word.

Alex nodded with a sad smile. "Okay." They could talk a lot of shit in prison. But they were in a fish bowl. Things would be different once they were both out. Different in ways neither of them knew. Ways neither of them had a clue about. She turned back to Piper with a smile. She would love her with every ounce of her soul and being while they were in there together.

But once Piper got out she would cut off contact. It was the only way to make Piper live her life and Alex knew that. She stole Piper's life when she named her during her trial. Piper was in prison, missing a year of her life, because of Alex. She wouldn't steal any more of the blondes time. It just might kill her, but she had grown during her time in prison. Piper coming back into her life had taught her how to love unselfishly. She would do this for Piper no matter the personal cost. She owed it to Piper.

"I'll see you at dinner?"

Alex nodded and kissed the blonde goodbye. "I'll see ya." She gave Piper one last kiss before letting her go. She sat up and sighed.

Piper stopped at the edge of the cube and turned back to Alex. "Are you going to tell me what's been bothering you or are you going to keep pretending everything is fine? You've been sighing like that for the past week. Ever since we talked and, what I thought, fixed everything between us."

Alex looked over at Piper. She had this pit in the bottom of her stomach. She grabbed a book off of her cabinet and pulled out a paper. As she slowly unfolded it, Pipers heart sank. "I went to your bunk to leave you a note the other day and found this." She held the paper out for Piper.

Piper walked back into the cube and slowly reached out to take the form back. The marriage request form Figueroa had given her. All filled out and ready to go. "Alex I can explain-"

"See, I figured it was just from before you told me you chose me. But then there's this little part of me that can't shake that you've just got me going on another ride on your fucking merry-go-round, Piper."

"No, Alex it's not like that. It was from before...I picked you-"

"Then why the fuck did you still have it Piper?" Alex asked, her voice full of rage and sadness. "I've really been trying to believe that you want to be with me and it's not another..." She let out a breath and shook her head. "But this-"

"This was before. Alex, please believe me."

Alex shook her head. "I'm trying Piper, I really am. I almost believed you too, until I found that fucking form."

"But you found it a week ago. You haven't said anything and we've been fine-"

"Fine?" Alex asked incredulously as she stood up. "Nothing is fine, Piper. You're so sure you want me over Larry, but how long after you filled out that form was that?"

"Alex-" Piper began as she reached her hand up to Alex's face.

Alex pushed Piper's hand away brushed past the blonde as fast as she could.

Piper threw her head back and sighed. "Fuck."

* * *

"Can you do that?" Nicky asked "Like will you really be able to ignore her and not see her?"

Alex shrugged. "I don't know. It's six years Nicky. And right now I'm not even sure I want to be with her until she's out. She's fucked up."

"It's a long time." Nicky nodded and offered a sympathetic smile. "But don't you think it's her choice if she wants to wait for you?"

Alex let out a long breath and looked at Nicky. "Who do these kinds of relationships work for?" Nicky shrugged. No one she knew. "Look at Piper. Only a couple months in and she and Larry broke up. They were together for years."

"Well yeah because she was still in love with you." Nicky reasoned.

Alex smiled. "Okay so bad example." She sighed. "It just doesn't work having a relationship with someone on the inside once you're out. Especially not for six fucking years."

"Yeah I know." Nicky admitted. "But hey, who knows what could happen in the next year. With Chapman's temper who knows."

"Oh yeah" Alex rolled her eyes. "I'll just pray she does something stupid and gets more time added to her sentence."

Nicky shrugged with a laugh. "It could happen."

"What could happen?"

Alex sighed as Piper sat down next to her. She was upset and honestly didn't want to be in the same room with Piper at the moment. It just keep running through her mind that Piper only wanted her when she had no one left. Only then was she good enough for the blonde. "Morello and Nicky getting back together." She lied. Nicky's eyes went wide and she kicked Alex under the table. Hard. Alex made a face, but covered by just sticking her tongue out at Nicky so Piper wouldn't suspect anything.

"Real mature Vause." Nicky commented.

Piper chuckled. "Anything can happen."

"Yeah." Nicky nodded looking right at Alex. "Anything can happen."

"I thought you were done with her though?" Piper asked.

Nicky pursed her lips and took a calming breath. "Yeah I did too."

"You did what?" Morello asked as she joined the group, taking the seat beside Nicky.

"Jesus!" Nicky cursed, staring daggers at Alex. What she would do for a friend. Alex had to look away to stop herself from dying of laughter. "Laugh it up Vause." Nicky warned. "Because I'm going to kill you later." She whispered before getting up and bussing her tray.

"What was that all about?" Morello asked in her thick accent.

"Nothing." Alex answered when she stopped laughing. She was aware that she was laughing a bit more than was necessary. But if she didn't laugh at how that had all just unfolded she would cry over the real issue. And probably yell or punch something. She didn't know what to make of her and Piper at the moment. Not that she ever really did. '_Fuck Piper and her bullshit merry-go-fucking-round_.' She'd give Nicky a candy bar or something later to thank her.

"VAUSE!"

Alex looked over at the guard standing in the doorway. She hadn't done anything that would have gotten her in trouble. Not recently at least. "Yeah?"

"You have a visitor." The guard said. "Get up and put your things away."

"It's not visiting hours. Or even a visitation day." Alex said. Not that even if it was she had anyone coming to see her. "And I'm eating."

"It's your lawyer."

All eyes at the table looked up at Alex. With out so much as a look to Piper she did as the guard said. Once she was gone another guard came in called Piper over.

"You're being moved."

"What? Where?" She asked, but received no response as the guard. He cuffed her hands behind her back and walked her in the opposite direction Alex had left in. "You can't do this! Let me say goodbye - tell me where I'm going, please?!"

Nicky stood there and watched as her two friends were carted off in different directions. "This isn't good."


	6. Not Again

As I said in the previous chapter, I'm trying to make my story follow the show as much as possible. This chapter takes place during S2E1 so a lot of text from that episode. I had to keep replaying certain parts of the episode over and over so I could get the words right. Not exact text, I had to tweak it to fit my version of how things went, but more or less follows the show.

* * *

Piper swallowed and looked around her new home. She thought Litchfield was bad, but she had no idea. It was one thing being locked in a building or a dorm being able to move around, but here she was locked in a tiny cell with four other women except for meals and and one hour a day. Oh, and an extra hour in the yard once a week. Four other women, two of whom hated her guts for killing a cockroach named Yoda. One took four shits a day! Four shits in a tiny room where they spent nearly 23 hours a day. She sighed. "What the hell am I doing here?"

She stood back and watched as Lolly and her new menopausal penguin friend brawled on the ground. She looked up. It couldn't be. "Alex?" Tall, about a head above the rest, raven hair, glasses. "Alex?!" She yelled. Alex turned around. It was her. It was Alex. She was there. Their eyes caught each other and Alex tried to get to her, but a guard cut her off and made her follow the rest of the crowd back in. "Alex!" Piper called again.

What was Alex doing there? What was she doing there? What the hell was going on?

Once back inside Piper found her bunkmate and asked her how to find Alex. She explained that they went out in the yard with the B & C units, but only ate with A. They only went out in the hard once a week. She couldn't wait another week to speak to Alex.

"We have the same rec time, but the gate pretty much keeps us separate." The shorter woman explained. Piper looked over at the gate. She had to figure out a way to see Alex even if only through the gate.

She looked over and saw the black man who had hit on her on the plane. Piper studied him for a minute. Looked like he worked in the kitchen or at least handed out the trays so he would have contact with Alex. He liked her so it wouldn't hurt to try. He might be a rapist, but he was Piper's only option. "I need a favor."

"They said the fatties would be the ones asking for a extra tray."

"No. I need to get a note to somebody and I'm not sure what unit she's in. I thought maybe you could um . . . pass this to her."

"What she look like?" He asked.

"5'9" long black hair, secretary glasses. Her name is Alex Vause."

He gave Piper a once over, slowly looking her up and down. "What are you willing to give?

Piper shrugged. "A kiss?" Naive, she knew. But he was probably a rapist and she wasn't willing to do much more than that. The man laughed. A deep chuckle that made Piper's core shiver. "This is important."

"I can feel that." He said with a smirk.

Piper imwardly cringed. "Okay, with my hand." She could give him a quick hand job. Speaking to Alex was that important to her. It wasn't like she didn't know how to give one. She'd just look the other way.

His face turned serious. "I'm a predator bitch! Ain't no fun if you offer."

"Well there's nowhere for you to violently assault me in private here, so what so you want?" She found it was easier to talk to him if she turned her fear into anger. Fear didn't do her any good in Litchfield, it certainly wasn't going to do her any good here.

"Your panties."

"They haven't given us new ones yet." Piper said, shaking her head. "I've been wearing these for four days"

"Even better."

Piper cringed. _Disgusting_. But if that's all he wanted of her it was much better than what she thought she would have to do. "I'll be right back." Piper went into the bathroom and took her underwear off, handing them over to the probable rapist in front of her. She held up the note she needed him to deliver. "Alex Vause."

He took the note and walked away, taking a deep breath in of Pipers used underwear. She was more than a little relieved when her cellmate told her he was a hit man, not a rapist.

* * *

The next day when the cells were unlocked she booked it down to the cafeteria. She smiled when she saw Alex standing at the gate. Relief flooded over her like she had never felt relief before. She smiled. "Alex...Alex." Alex smiled at her. "Alex what are you doing here? What am I doing here?

Alex gave Piper a look. "For the trial dumbass."

"Trial?" Piper asked. "What fucking trial?"

"Kubra's. He's been extradited." Alex explained.

Piper laughed. A kind of crazy sounding laugh, but a laugh that told she was relieved. "So that means that all of this is only temporary?" Alex looked at Piper like she was crazy. Certifiably insane and had lost it. "Oh my god." Piper let out a few long breaths. "Oh my god I'm so relieved. Man, coming in here and not knowing, but thinking...I was really on the brink." She took a few deep breaths to keep herself from crying she was so relieved.

Alex could only look at Piper. She had no idea what the blonde was blabbering about. She was starting really concerned for the woman in front of her.

Then Piper remembered that the last time she had seen Alex the brunette was pissed. "You hate me." Alex smiled. "In all of this shit I forgot that you hate me. But you're talking to me so does this mean that you don't hate me?"

Alex shrugged and smiled. "It means that I'm not holding grudges today." She smiled at Piper. The first genuine smile she had smiled in a few weeks. She had missed Piper more than she wanted to admit. She had come back from the meeting with her lawyer and Piper had just been gone. No one knew where she went. All they had for her when she asked was that a CO told her she was being moved and then he dragged her away. "I'm happy to see you." They tried to hug through the bars, but a guard yelled at them so they quickly pulled away.

"When is the trial?"

"Now I guess. They can call us in any minute." Alex took a step closer to Piper and lowered her voice. "Listen, we cannot say that we knew Kubra."

Piper raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Revenge is part of his business model, okay? Sick, deep revenge. Disassociate. You never knew him and you never fucking met him." She whispered

"That means lying." Piper said. "Under oath."

"Jesus!" Alex exclaimed. "It is so hard to keep up with whats black and white with you. Kubra is never going down for this. There is no justice, Piper. Don't you know that by now? So we will lie, to protect ourselves." She shook her head. "Or I will. I hope that you will too." Piper sighed and looked up at the brunette. "Your lawyer didn't explain this to you before you got here?"

"No!" Piper exclaimed. "That day they took you out of the cafeteria to talk to your lawyer they took me the other way and brought me here. They didn't tell me shit Alex!"

Alex shook her head. "That's rough, kid. My lawyer at least told me first."

"Yeah, well I think he thought he was done with me when his son decided he was."

"What?" Alex asked, confused.

Piper looked up, locking her eyes on Alex's. "Larry broke up with me. On Christmas. Doubt his father ever wanted to hear about me again."

"So that's why you came to me?" Alex asked. "Only once Larry left you you decided you wanted me again?"

Piper sighed. "I decided I wanted you in the first place that's why Larry left me."

Alex nodded. "So that marriage request form?"

"A mistake." Piper began. "Alex he said I either marry him while I was in prison or we were over. He was the only connection I had to my life. But this was all before you found me outside after the pageant." She explained. "Everything I said to you then and in the weeks that followed is still true. This happened before all of that."

Alex looked around Piper to check if the guards were watching. No one was looking, so she reached up and touched Piper's cheek. Both women let out a breath.

_"How do you look at the person you love and tell yourself it's time to walk away?"_

_"Alex I chose him because." Piper dropped Alex's hand and turned away. "Fuck Alex I don't know! He was the only connection to my life before coming here. My best friend had her baby without me, ended our business I quit my job for, my brother got engaged..or something, life went on and I'm just in here. Larry was the only connection I had to anything. The only thing that didn't change."_

"I still want you, Alex." Piper said tentatively. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the form."

Alex waved it off. "I'm sorry Pipes. I shouldn't have gotten as mad as I did. It's just when you didn't tell me and then I found it..." She trailed off. "And then we were pulled away and couldn't talk about it."

"I know." Piper agreed.

Alex looked up at Piper, trying to blink away the tears she felt coming. "I love you so fucking much, kid."

Piper smiled. "I love you too."

* * *

Piper tried not to look at Alex as they were shackled in the van on the way to court. "I don't know if I can do it."

"What?" Alex asked incredulously.

"You know my lawyer said Kubra's going away no matter what."

"Did you not hear everything that I said?"

"When you told me nothing bad was gonna happen?" Piper deadpanned.

Alex cocked her head to the side. Now was not the time to rehash the past. "How long have you been holding onto that one?" Piper looked down. "We have got to go in united on this. It will be a red flag if you say you know him and I say I don't. They will know that I'm lying." She whispered.

"Maybe we should both just be honest?" Piper offered.

Alex jerked her hands up, her shackling booming through the van. She looked over at the guards, but they either didn't notice or didn't care. "This is not the time to take some moral high ground."

"You know, I only seem to be faced with these extreme moral choices when I am with you." Piper said.

"Exciting right?" Alex said with a raised eyebrow. "Look, I wish that I could do this all over again but I can't. Okay? This is the only way I can keep you safe now. You have to do what I am telling you." She pleaded.

"Or what?" Piper asked. "Were over?"

"No." Alex shook her head. "I wanna be your prison wife." She joked.

Piper rolled her eyes. "I'm glad that you can make jokes." Alex looked away. "Alex...I need to do the right thing for a change. I have to. And truthfully, you ... You can't keep me safe either way." Alex looked away sadly. She couldn't. And that was the truth.

* * *

"We were together. She was . . . The love of my life." Piper began truthfully. She took a deep breath as the prosecutor asked if Alex was the one who had introduced Piper to Kubra. Piper took a moment and thought hard. Her answer would change her and Alex's relationship. Her answer would change her course through life whether she chose to tell the truth or to lie. "I don't recall." She responded. He asked her if someone else had introduced them and she answered the same. "I don't recall."

"Are you saying you never met Mr. Balik?" The prosecutor asked.

Piper shook her head. "Not that I can recall." She did it. She had this horrible, hopeless, scared feeling in the pit of her stomach, but she did it. She lied. She lied for Alex; because Alex had asked her to. To protect them both. The prosecutor listed off some of the places Alex and Piper had traveled and Piper couldn't help but smile. Those were some of the happiest times of her life. She had tears in her eyes.

The prosecutor tried one final time to get Piper to admit she knew him. But for once, Piper stuck to her choice. Even though she chose to lie. "Not that I can recall."

"I was there for Alex." She began upon another question from the prosecutor. "She was what I paid attention to. Who I paid attention to. Everything else was just . . . background."

Piper was eventually led off the stand to a holding cell down below the courthouse. The defense didn't ask her any questions. Why would they, she helped their case by saying she didn't know Kubra. She had no idea how much time had passed as she sat there waiting. But all she could think about was Alex. How proud Alex would be of her. She had done what Alex had asked, she had lied. If that didn't show that she chose Alex, she didn't know what did. She jumped up when she saw Alex exit the elevator. "Alex." she called. "Alex I did what you said."

"Listen, Piper." Alex began. "Everything just happened so fast."

Piper looked down and noticed Alex was out of the orange jumpsuit they had both arrived in. "What's going on?"

"I had to tell the truth" She explained. Pipers heart sank. "My lawyer said-"

"Are you kidding?"

"Piper you don't understand." Alex said.

"Are you ... Are you fucking kidding me? Where are you going? Are you getting out?"

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry Piper I'll write you I-" Alex tried to talk, but her lawyer was pulling her toward the exit. "I'm sorry Piper I'll write you. I need to explain."

"You're getting out? Wait, what? What the fuck did you do, Alex? What the fuck did you do?" She begged. "FUCK YOU ALEX! Fuck you!" But Alex and her lawyer were already gone. Pipers entire world collapsed around her. No, this wasn't possible. It was not possible for Alex to do something like this to her. Not again.


	7. The Story of Us

As I said, I want my story to follow the reality for the characters. That is, Piper and Alex going to Chicago and all that transpired there. So, yes I am aware the previous chapter was mostly that episode. I had to include it with a few minor changes to make it work for my story while still keeping that episode a reality for the characters. Once I get past the season 2 finally I can invent a reality after that for them. But for now I want to follow the characters reality.

But I figured I'd post another chapter with the previous one as that one was mostly from the show and this one is all me.

A little Piper/Nicky friendship chapter

* * *

Piper was more than ecstatic to finally have her bunk assignment. To be back at Litchfield, out of the rooms, out of the ghetto and finally in the white suburbs. Not that she was in the least bit racist, but it was awkward when she had been in the ghetto. No one wanted to talk to her.

It had been an insane few weeks. All she wanted to do was set up her things and settle in so she could start feeling normal again. Well, as normal as possible in this place. This was not at all what she expected prison to be like. She thought she would just go in, do her time and get out. Boy had she been wrong. Polly had had her baby, she'd lost Larry, reconnected with Alex, lost Alex, made up with Alex, lost Alex again, spent time in SHU, gone by plane to Chicago in the middle of the night, spent a few weeks locked in a small cell with four other women, lied on the witness stand and now she was back at the beginning. Again. Only now she was alone. Well, except from her new little kitten who followed her around. A little half Asian kitten she wanted to _'put in a bag of rocks and dump in the bottom of a lake.' _Honestly she'd rather be alone than have Soso following her around.

Despite what Alex had said in the kitchen a while ago, Piper wasn't petrified of being alone. She could be alone just fine. She had her friends. She had Nicky and Lorna, Red, Yoga Jones. They were a big family. A big, criminal family. But they looked out for one another. She didn't need Larry. Or Alex. Piper sighed and sat down on her new bunk. "Alex." She said to herself. "Alex I miss you." She whispered. "I want to touch you, to hold you, to have your arms around me...I want to kiss you..." She shook her head. "But at the same time I want to punch you in your fucking face!" She threw a book across her cube and looked around to make sure no one saw. Last thing she needed was a shot. "How could you do this to me?"

"Because she's a douche."

Piper glared at Nicky out of the corner of her eye. "Can't I have a meltdown in private?"

Nicky chuckled and plopped down beside Piper. "Can't have anything in private here Chapman. I thought you'd have figured that out by the bathroom stall door situation." Piper nodded. "She really hurt you didn't she?"

"She told me to lie Nicky. Coached me on exactly what to say and then turned around and did the exact fucking opposite. It's such shit."

Nicky nodded. "You know it wasn't so long that I was sitting beside Vause on a very similar bunk listening to how bad you hurt her."

Piper let her head fall back against the wall behind them. "Yeah, well, don't sign me up for the same kind of comforting." She joked.

"Come on." Nicky began playfully. "I'm so good. Make you forget all about her."

Piper laughed. "Forget about who?"

"See, it's working already." Nicky said, laughing.

Piper smiled at Nicky. "I missed you."

"Yeah I missed you too." Nicky admitted.

"Not in a sexual way." Piper said joking.

Nicky winked. "I can't say the same." She said with a nudge. The two women laughed. It was good to have a friend like Nicky. She talked a big game, but deep down she was a very caring woman.

"I hate her." Piper said. "I truly, fucking hate her."

"But you love her."

"Of course I do." Piper admitted sadly. "I wish I could stop."

"The heart wants what the heart wants." Nicky said with a shrug. She softened. "Like me and Morello. Never in no million years gonna happen. Nothing good or longer than three minutes would ever come out of us. We certainly wouldn't have anything outside of here. But I still...I still love her." She admitted softly. "And I swear to god Chapman if you ever repeat that I will kill you and make it look like an accident."

Piper smiled and gave Nicky's hand a comforting squeeze. "Your secret is safe with me." Nicky wasn't as tough as she pretended to be. Those walls she had up, her anger, it was just to protect herself.

"So tell me" Nicky began. "What's your guys story?"

"Our story?"

"Yeah. Before you came here. What happened between you two?"

"Oh." Piper said. "That story."

"Come on you gotta tell me." Nicky practically begged. "Ever since you first got here I tried to drag the story outa both of you and never got anything. Well, except you telling me you're a squirter." She said with a chuckle.

Piper's face went red. "Can we never talk about that again please?"

"Come on Chapman you gotta tell me!" Nicky's head was swirling wild with her imagination and all the different scenarios she had made up between Alex and Piper. Neither would tell her anything about the past. Both preferring to keep their history private.

Piper lookd over at Nicky. She had confessed something pretty personal. It was only fair for Piper to offer something personal in return. "She was my girlfriend."

Nicky threw her fist up in the air. "I knew it!" She exclaimed. "How long were you guys together?"

"Three years, eight months and five days."

"Damn." Nicky began. "I thought at most you two had a summer fling or something that ended badly."

"It was definitely more than that."

"So it was serious?"

"Mhmm." Piper nodded. "We lived together. We had this beautiful brownstone in New York. Well, it was Alex's but I moved in after a couple of months. Made more sense since I was there every night anyway. She would get nervous if she didn't see me for a few days or if I didn't spent a night there. So after a few months of not seeing my own apartment she asked me to move in." Piper smiled, thinking back. "I'm not sure why she got nervous. Maybe nervous isn't the right word, but she was antsy. I don't know if she was afraid I'd meet someone else or if she thought that by being with her I was in danger if she wasn't around. I don't know. I thought it was sweet at the time. She's always been protective."

"Oh yeah, except for being the reason you're here in the first place." Nicky moved over to Red's bunk across from Piper so she could lay down on her stomach. She could tell it would be a good story and she wanted to be comfortable.

"We had an apartment in Paris as well. That was where we spent most of our time when we were traveling in Europe. The window in the living room had the most breathtaking view of the Eiffel Tower. "

"You traveled?" Nicky was thoroughly enthralled now. It was like a damn soap opera unfolding. Much better than anything her mind had come up with.

"Yeah." Piper said with a smile. "We went everywhere. Europe, Asia, every tropical beach you can think of. One of the perks of dealing in heroin." She joked with a chuckle. "It was amazing. There were always parties and clubs, fancy dinners..." She trailed off remembering the good times she and Alex had had together. "But," She began again, sadness in her voice. "Most of the time I was alone. Alex tried to keep her business away from me for the most part. I read a lot of books, watched a lot of tv."

Nicky chuckled. "But still, to see all those places."

"It was great." Piper agreed. "But I just wanted Alex. I just wanted her there. Most of the time she was gone before I woke up in the morning and wouldn't be back until I was already asleep. I'd only know she was even there because she'd leave a different flower on her pillow every morning for me to find."

"Vause?" Nicky questioned. "She doesn't peg me as the romantic type."

"Oh she was very romantic."

"So what happened?" Nicky asked.

Piper took a deep breath. "I carried a bag for her once. Fifty thousand dollars worth of drug money across international borders."

"Is that why you're in here?"

Piper nodded. "I told her I wouldn't do it again. But one day in Paris she asked me to do it again. I said no, but she kept pushing. I realized if I didn't get out then I never would. I'd carry another bag for her. And then another and another and another. I accused her of just using me as another drug mule."

"Ouch." Nicky said.

"Yeah." Piper agreed.

"I don't, well I didn't, know much about you two before you just told me, but whenever I asked Alex she always said thats not what you were. That you were different."

Piper smiled. She had seen how Alex interacted with her mules and it was undeniable that she was different with Piper. Piper had been her girlfriend. She knew she was never a mule to Alex, but in that moment in Paris she was pissed and hurt and confused and spoke before she thought. Her ever present foot-in-mouth disease. "I loved her so much Nicky. She was everything to me. But I couldn't keep living that kind of life. If she'd been around more I would have stayed until I was just as involved in everything as she was. But she was never there. And she had the balls to ask me to help her again. I just . . ."

"You felt used." Nicky said with a shrug. "I mean I would if my girlfriend didn't give me the time of day and then asked me to do something like that for her."

"Yeah." Piper nodded. "That's not all. The next day when I had my flight home, her mother died."

Nicky's eyes went wide. "Tell me you didn't still leave?"

Piper cringed. "I did."

"Fuck Chapman. No wonder she fucking hated you."

"I know." Piper sighed. "Leaving her was the hardest thing I've ever done. And I hated that it happened right when her mother died, but I had to go. I regret it every day, but I couldn't stay. Not with things like that. And not even for a little while while the shock of her mother was still new and she needed me. I knew if I stayed I'd never leave."

"Damn. With all the shit you two have done to each other..." Nicky shook her head. "If you make it through this latest fiasco, you deserve each other." She sat up. "How was the sex?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

Piper laughed and threw her pillow across the cube at her friend. "Pervert." They both got up and headed out of the dorm. It was just about time for lunch. "Phenomenal." Piper whispered. "Sometimes, I couldn't walk for days."

Nicky stopped dead in her tracks and stared at the blonde. She let out a low whistle and shook her head. "That image will keep me going for days thank you very much."

Piper rolled her eyes and looped her arm through Nicky's. "I have the actual images."

"Now you're just teasing me."


	8. Favorite, Not Favorite, Holiday

Takes place after S2E6 - the Valentine's Day episode

Includes snippets of Alex and Pipers phone conversation from a later episode of the show. Since they're talking now to discuss things that phone call later in the show wouldn't have happened so I borrowed some lines.

THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the reviews and favorites and follows! I hope you guys continue reading and reviewing! Hope you all like where I'm going with it. I had a burst of creativity a few days ago and got a few chapters written out. Fingers crossed my muse sticks around.

* * *

"I hate Valentine's Day."

Nicky looked up and patted the empty space next to her on the bunk. "Have a seat darling. Let's vent."

Piper smiled and plopped down. "It's a stupid fucking holiday."

"My offer still stands." Nicky said, reaching up to tuck hair behind Piper's ear. "Make you forget what day it is."

Piper just looked at Nicky. "And my answer still stands. I'm not a prize."

"So you'd do it if it wasn't for the competition?"

Piper scoffed. "In your dreams Nichols."

Nicky smirked. "Oh I know."

Piper reached over and playfully pushed Nicky over. She'd often wondered what it would have been like to have a sister. Growing up she and Cal were as different as two siblings could be so they didn't spend much time together. Piper figured Nicky was as close to a sister as one could get. Polly was her best friend, but even with that Nicky felt like more of a sister than Polly did. Nicky had her back. They were family inside. You couldn't recreate the bond women on the inside made with each other. It was sometching only they would ever understand. "You know I used to like Valentine's Day. At one time it was my favorite holiday."

"You mean at one point like during a time you and a certain dark haired traitorous bitch ex were together?" Piper gave her a look, but didn't comment. "So you're one of those."

"One of what?"

"Yeah." Nicky began. "One of those people who love Valentine's Day when they're with someone but then when they're alone they hate it. A hypocrit of sorts. Look, you either like the stupid holiday or you don't. You can't go around being one of those people who only like it when it suits your purpose - ie, when you have someone to share it with. Pick a side, Chapman."

"She sent me a card." Piper explained. "Or a letter or something I'm not sure. I threw it out. But it had a red envelope."

Nicky looked around quickly to be sure no one was looking. She reached under her blanket and pulled out a very familiar looking red envelope.

Piper grabbed the envelope as soon as Nicky brought it out. "What the fuck Nicky?! Did you read it?"

"Nah." Nicky shook her head. "But I thought you might want to read it at some point when you're done being pissed off."

Piper closed her eyes and held the envelope close. It smelled like Alex. "This is the first letter she's sent."

"Well can you blame her? She was giving you a cooling off period."

"It's been weeks." Piper sighed. "I miss her Nicky."

"So read the fucking letter. Call the broad." Nicky took Piper's hand and gave it a supportive squeeze. "It's Valentine's Day. Your favorite, not favorite, holiday."

Piper smiled as Nicky got up and left. No doubt joining the party down the hall. Piper took a breath and flipped the envelope over. Her fingers gently danced over the top of the card that had been opened when it arrived - to check for contraband. And, depending on who was doing the checking that day, read. Slowly she pushed the envelope back and pulled out the card inside. She couldn't help the smile that came over her face. She slowly traced over the blooming rose on the cover, some glitter coming off on her finger tip. All these years and Alex still remembered the flowers.

She opened the card. There was only a couple lines. It was in Alex's handwriting.

'_Love is knowing that when two people are meant to be together nothing can keep them apart - not time, not distance, prison bars, anger nor mistakes. Love rises above. It is all that matters. Everything else can be fixed as long as love is there.'_

just those few lines and a phone number. Piper looked over at the time. It was right on the edge of time they were allowed to make calls, but with everyone at the party she doubted anyone would notice.

She took her time making her way to the phones. Having this inner power struggle with herself over what to say to Alex or even if she really wanted to talk to her. With a deep breath she picked up the receiver and dialed the number on the card.

_"Hello?"_

"Alex."

_"Piper! My God, Piper! I...fuck!"_

"So eloquent. I seem to remember you being better with words."

_"Piper"_ Alex began_. "I am so so sorry. I never meant for any of that to happen. The deal literally came down at the last minute." _She explained_. "I need to explain."_

"You think?" Piper deadpanned. As happy as she was to speak to Alex right now and be able to talk to her without having anyone tell her she better hurry up or she'll be late for count or work, she was still angry. And confused. And most of all, hurt.

_"You told me you were going to tell the truth."_

"You begged me to lie, Alex."

_"I know."_

"We all know how strong my resolve is when you ask me to do something. If I was a woman who stuck to what she believed in I wouldn't be in prison in the first place."

Alex ignored the statement. "_My lawyer only told me about the deal after you had already finished testifying. I asked if you could get the same deal I did, but it was too late. I thought you had told the truth so then my telling the truth too would have corroborated what you said."_

"Only I didn't tell the truth. And you made me a perjurer."

_"I know that now."_ Alex said. _"My lawyer said that if I testified that I knew Kubra and my role in the organization that he would go away for sure."_

"Well congratulations, your lawyer is a better lawyer than Larry's dad."

_"No, Piper he isn't. Kubra walked."_

"He what?"

_"There was a mistrial. Some dumb fuck mishandled the evidence. He's out._"

"So I'm the only one who went to prison for this?"

_"Are you fucking kidding me Pipes? I tell you the guy I personally testified against is out and that's all you can think about?"_

"Well, I mean, they're protecting you right?"

_"Yeah, they're protecting me. Twenty-four surveillance. Which means I see my probation officer once a week for about twenty minutes."_

"Oh my God, Alex." Piper's heart sank. Yes, she was angry at the woman before her. But that, in no way, meant she wanted any harm to come to her.

"_Piper_." Alex sighed. They could talk about her safety later. Right now she had to make sure that Piper knew she hadn't done any of this to hurt her. "_You had already testified. The court was in recess until after lunch. I was literally walking into the fucking courtroom to testify when my lawyer pulled me back and told me about the deal. I asked if you could get the same deal, but you had already testified! They...they fucking told me that you told the truth Piper! My lawyer told me you told the truth so if I did I would just be corroborating your testimony. He told me he would see that you got the same deal I did and that we would leave there together, Pipes! I never..." _Alex trailed off. Piper could hear the tears in her voice. She knew Alex was trying not to cry. _"I never would have done it if I knew you lied. I didn't know until I was signing my release papers and my lawyer told me the truth. Piper...I am so sorry."_

Piper shifted her footing and digested the information. Her mouth opened and closed a couple times, but nothing came out. So many thoughts were running through her head. She felt like the air had just been taken from her lungs. She'd been walking around, anger and hatred for the woman on the other end of the phone with every step she took. She was still madly in love with her and missed her like crazy, but she had also been irate. But now Alex just told her that she hadn't intentionally betrayed her. And that her life was in danger.

_"I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you you have to know that?"_

Alex hadn't intentionally fucked Piper over. Piper felt the anger she had been harboring leave her body in a slow exhale. Alex hadn't meant to hurt her. "I miss you."

_"I miss you too, Pipes."_ Piper heard the tears fall even through the phone line._ "So much. I need to see you. Can you get me on your visitation list?"_

"I'll try, but Alex are you sure you're safe?"

"_No_." Alex admitted._ "But I can take care of myself." _She didn't need to worry Piper about what was going on in her life. Nothing Piper could do about it so what was the point? It would only scare the blonde and she had enough to be scared about on the inside without worrying about Alex on top of it all. All these years later and her first instinct was still to protect the blonde. If only she could go back and never let Piper carry that bag. "_I love you."_

Piper smiled. "I love you too."

_"Happy Valentine's Day Pipes."_

"Happy Valentine's Day."


	9. Building Blocks

So this chapter is pretty different from previous ones I've written. But I wanted to show this with Alex and how she is trying to turn things around.

Thank you for all the reviews/favorites/follows. Glad you are enjoying the story. My muse has been kind to me lately. I have a few more chapters up and ready to go. The more reviews, the faster I post them ;)

* * *

Alex unfolded the blanket and draped it over the back of the couch. That was the last from what had to be the sixty-fifth box her aunt had sent her. As part of her parole, Alex wasn't able to leave the state to pick up her things so her Aunt had been slowly sending her boxes. She didn't have anything good really. Most of her prized possessions had been seized by the Feds when she was first arrested, but it was enough to mostly fill her shithole apartment. The third shithole apartment she'd had in the past few weeks. Clothes, pillows, blankets, bedding, books, videos, music, her old laptop and whatnot. She did have a storage unit in the state she had yet to visit. It was under a different name and had always been paid in cash so the Feds didn't know about it. And honestly Alex wasn't emotionally ready to go there yet. It was filled with things from her and Piper's years together. Things they'd bought while traveling, their old bed, home movies, album upon album of photographs, maps with different places excitedly circled and starred by Piper, ticket stubs and whatnot.

She poured herself a tall glass of Piper's favorite wine and took a long, slow drink. She couldn't help but smile remembering a hungover Piper at Litchfield complaining that Poussey's hooch was stronger than Pinot Grigio. The Litch wasn't all bad Alex figured. After all it had brought her and Piper together again. Well, no, that wasn't so much Litchfield as it was Alex ratting Piper out to the Feds. She sighed and brought her wine over to the couch.

She took about twenty minutes to write her love a letter. The blonde was at least speaking to her now, but things were far from fine between them. She knew she loved Piper. And she knew that Piper loved her. But she couldn't shake the feeling that Piper was just holding onto her because she had no one left. When Larry had made Piper chose between himself and Alex, Piper had chosen him. Back years ago in Paris, Piper chose a life without Alex. Alex felt she was only a choice now because Piper was out of other options. But still, she was in love with Piper. Everyone wanted to live happily ever after with the one they love. But that didn't happen to people like Alex.

She dropped the letter on the table by the front door so she would remember to bring it to the mailbox next time she left her apartment. Which, was not that often, so she would probably have to make a special trip down to drop it off to be sure it went out soon.

Alex looked around her apartment. It wasn't Litchfield, but she was still in prison. There had been a dark sedan parked outside her previous building every day. Sometimes followed by a darker SUV. On the rare occurrence she left her apartment one of the vehicles followed her. Her various collection of wigs and disguises did nothing to fool them. _'When does freedom start feeling free?' _She thought to herself. Thankfully they hadn't found her new apartment, but Alex knew it was only a matter of time.

She had squirreled money away over the years she was working for the cartel. Alex Vause was no fool. She had enough to pay for her shitty little apartment in her shitty little neighborhood for a while, but she didn't want to stay there forever and eventually she would need a job. And then what? She had no job, no legal skills. She was almost forty and had done nothing with her life. She had nothing to show for herself.

She turned on her laptop with the intention of searching for a job. But what was she supposed to look for? She couldn't just google, 'jobs that hire ex-cons.' She promised Piper she would be one-hundred percent legit. No more illegal activity, no more drugs.

_"I know I don't have the best rack record Pipes, but I promised you. I promised you no more illegal shit and I meant it."_

_"What are you going to do?"_

_Alex switched the phone to her other ear. "I don't have a fucking clue. But I will figure it out. By the time you get out I will have a legitimate job and we can start over." She could hear Piper smile through the phone line. She knew the blonde was excited at the prospect of a life with Alex when she got out, a legally acceptable life. But she also knew Piper didn't want to get her hopes up too much. "There are some programs to help ex-cons, but there's a waiting list. I'm doing everything I can Piper."_

_"I know." Piper sighed. "That's what worries me."_

After two hours Alex gave up and downed the last of the wine in a big gulp. "No one gives a shit about ex-cons." The one source of support she was supposed to have, her probation officer, was a joke. All he cared about was that she paid her fees and fines on time every week, his '_random_' drug tests which were anything but random as he tested her every time she came in (seriously, didn't he think if she was going to do something she would do it when she left their meetings so it would be out of her system by the next week's meeting?), and that she cold prove to him that she was looking for a job. Without his help, that is.

She took a quick peek around her window curtain. There were cars parked on the street, but none that had been there when she checked a few hours. Nothing suspicious. Alex leaned her head against the wall and sighed. She had to do this. Not just for Piper, but for herself. She needed to know that she had a point in life. That she was there for a reason. She had to be worth more than the money she brought in from importing heroin.

She peeled herself off from the wall at the insistence of her cell phone. It was an email from one of her friends. He apologized for not getting back to her sooner, but he explained that he had been out of the country. Alex didn't ask why. He was a friend she had made while dealing - no, importing - heroin. She didn't know if he was still involved in it and didn't want to. If she was honest with herself she knew. You didn't get out of that kind of business unless you got caught.

She switched to her laptop and opened the email. He knew she had money hidden away and wanted her to invest in this club that was being foreclosed on. She opened the link and looked everything over. She had more than enough money to buy the club outright, but knew it would look suspicious if she did that. The Feds would be on her in a second. Then she got to thinking about the money she had from selling her mothers house. That was all legitimate money she could use that would have a completely legal paper trail. That would be enough for a down payment at least.

Her friend explained that he was thinking of investing as well. That made Alex very wary of the whole deal. The only way he would have enough money for that was with drug money. And she needed to stay away from that. But if she bought the club outright, she would own it and not need any shady investors. It would be a great source of income if she could get it up and thriving again. She could use the money from the sale of her mothers house, that she bought her while she was dealing but that was neither here nor there, for the down payment and then hopefully get it up and running to continue making the payments. But if it took a little while to get it going she had money to cover the payments.

With a smile on her face she sent off a couple of emails and closed her laptop. Hopefully she was one step closer to building the kind of life she and Piper could be proud of. She gulped as someone banged on her door. If she made it, that is.


	10. Opportunity Comes Knocking

Loosely based after the furlough episode. But in this reality, they went to the funeral right after Piper was released, not the wake. So all that crap with Larry never happened. If only I could make it so that Larry never happened at all. Not a fan

Thanks for the reviews last chapter! They mean a lot. As always, please R&R

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Alex took a deep breath as the knocking continued. She hasn't been at this apartment long so she wasn't sure where to step without making noise. But she had become pretty light on her feet the past few weeks so she made it to the door without making a sound. She looked through the peep hole, but there was no one on the other side of the door. Quickly she undid the locks and opened the door to the same result. She looked up and down the hallway, but everything was as it normally was. There was no one there, no doors closing signifying someone had been in the hall. Nothing.

Alex's heart dropped. It was him. Well, not Kubra specifically, but someone else on his orders. Once inside she locked back up and went over to the window. She carefully peered around her curtain. "Fuck." The car was back. He knew where she was.

She could always find another apartment, even move to another city. But she knew he would just find her again. Right now he was just trying to scare her, but Alex knew it was only a matter of time until he tried something. She hated that there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it. She had talked to her probation officer, but legally unless he was actually threatening her there was nothing that anyone could do. She didn't even have concrete proof it was him so her probation officer honestly didn't care. He probably wouldn't care even if she had concrete proof it was Kubra.

It didn't matter what she did to make a life for herself on the outside. She would never be able to get away. Not only had she fucked Piper over in Chicago, but she royally fucked herself over as well. This was worse than when she had been dealing because now someone wanted her dead. And he wouldn't stop until she was.

She grabbed her cell phone off the kitchen counter and dialed a familiar number. "Hey, I need a favor . . . I need a gun."

* * *

Piper was jolted out of her thoughts as the old car came to a sudden stop.

"Well, here we are." Cal said, turning off the engine.

Piper looked around, confusion written all over her face. "Where are we?"

Cal took a folded piece of paper out of his jacket and handed it to Piper. "This apartment," He nodded toward the building to their left. "That number. I'll see you in two days."

"Where the hell are we?" She asked again.

"Just go." He reached back into his jacket and pulled out another paper. "If you really don't want to be here call me. I'll come and get you. But I think you'll be just fine."

Why he gave Piper his cell number she didn't know. Before she went into prison she didn't know anyone's number. They were all in her cell so why memorize them? But, she had been calling him from prison the past few months so she knew the number. "Wait, you want me to stay here?" She turned to her brother in question. "My paperwork says I'm staying with Mom and Dad. And what about dinner? Mom said everyone would be there at 7."

"Fuck dinner. You don't want to be there anyway. Look, the funeral is done and over with. You have nothing more you have to do There. If the prison calls and asks for you," He, yet again, reached back into his jacket, this time pulling out a cell phone. "I'll say I'm going to get you, put them on hold, call you on that, three way you in and they won't even know."

Even in the bright light of the outside world Piper could see the building was a shit hole. "What the fuck Cal?"

"Just go. Trust me. Nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could change your life, Pipes."

Piper reached in the back of the car and grabbed the bag of clothes she had packed quickly at Larry's when they stopped on the way to the funeral. _Larry's,_ she thought. It wasn't her home anymore. She didn't have a home. Cautiously Piper stepped out of the rickety old car, straightening out her black dress as she did. Strangely, the dress felt heavy, tight and scratchy against her skin. It had previously been one of her favorite pieces of clothing, but after spending the past few months in, essentially, khaki colored scrubs, her once favorite dress made her feel uncomfortable. She nervously tucked her hair behind her ear as she made her way into the building. No buzzer system. Or, if there was it didn't work and the door to the building was unlocked.

Before her time in Litchfield, Piper wouldn't dare step foot in a building like this. It screamed trouble. The epitome of safety. But nowadays she had seen worse. Much, much worse. She unfolded the paper Cal had given her and headed to the stairs.

She climbed the stairs to the third floor and stopped outside the door designated by her brother, rechecking the paper in her hand. She took a deep breath and knocked four times. She looked around the hall as she waited for an answer. After a few moments she looked down at her watch and scrunched her face. "Maybe nobody's home?" She whispered to herself. Her mind was not very sharp at the moment or maybe she would have known what was going on. But her grandmother had just died and she was just thrust back into society after months in the isolation of prison. It was a lot to deal with in just a few short hours. Her brain hadn't had the time to process and catch up quite yet.

"Piper?"

Pipers head snapped up. It couldn't be. The locks turned quickly and the door flew open. "Alex?"

The brunette reached out and pulled Piper into her apartment, quickly re-locking all the locks. She turned around and wrapped her arms as tightly as she could around Piper.

"Alex!" Piper dropped her bag and held the taller woman. "God, I've missed you so much!"

"I've missed you too, kid." Alex smiled.

Piper pulled away, searching Alex's face for an answer. "How?"

"Cal called me." She shrugged.

"You know for having abandoned society to go live in the woods he is surprisingly connected."

Alex took Piper's hand and led them to the couch. "I called him when I got out and left my new number with him." She shrugged. They hadn't stayed up late over the years gabbing into the night or anything, but Alex had always kept in contact with Cal. He was the one family member who had known about Alex and Piper back when they were Alex and Piper.

"How do you have his number?"

Alex smirked. "I have a couple tricks up my sleeve, remember?"

Piper smiled and reached up to Alex's face, but halfway there she stopped and dropped her hand. As much as she has missed the woman before her she was still angry. They had cleared the air a days before when they spoke on the phone and Alex had explained everything, but Piper was still angry. Angry that Alex was free while she was still locked up. She carried one bag. One bag one time. And it was only a bag of money. She had never touched any of the drugs. Alex was in with heroin for years and she was free? It wasn't fair.

Alex noticed the change in Piper and disappeared into the kitchen. She came back with two glasses of Piper's favorite Pinot Grigio. She handed one to Piper and sat down with her own on the chair across from Piper, taking a large sip. "He's had the same number since we were together, Pipes. We kept in contact."

"When?"

"Since Paris. Not much maybe a call once or twice a year. I wanted to make sure you were safe." She elaborated at Piper's confused look. "Being the ex of a drug dealer comes with its own share of risks."

"Gee thanks."

"Shouldn't have left in the first place." Alex teased.

"I know." Piper admitted softly. She sighed and looked around.

"I'm sorry about Celeste, Pipes. I know how much she meant to you."

Piper smiled and nodded. She hadn't been there when Alex's mother died so she didn't feel worthy of any sympathy from the brunette. "This isn't the address you mailed your letters from."

"I moved." Alex said with a shrug. "A couple times."

Piper's nodded. She knew Alex was scared Kubra would get to her, but didn't want to tell her much about it. "Safer here?"

Alex smiled. "Yeah."

Piper noticed the smile didn't quite reach Alex's eyes, but didn't say anything. She knew that no matter where Alex was Kubra would find her. Her testifying against him put her life in the direct danger. Alex herself had once explained Kubra's business model "_sick, deep revenge." _Piper was glad she had lied. Even though it made her a perjurer at least it kept her safe. Alex had been true about that. By telling Piper to lie she had kept her safe. "So," Piper began, taking in all of her surroundings. "Now what?" She asked with a laugh.

Alex chuckled uncomfortably. Everything was so surreal. She hadn't been on the outside with Piper in over eight years. Back before Paris and Litchfield Alex had always been so sure of things with the blonde. How the other woman felt, what she wanted. Alex had always touched her and kissed her and stood close. But now she had no idea what to do. They reconnected on the inside. Their interactions had to be brief and guarded. But now, they were both in the same room with no one telling them what they could or couldn't do and neither could make the first move.

Alex got up and grabbed her laptop from her bedroom. "I wasn't going to say anything for a few more weeks until it's fully up and running, but..." She trailed off as she set the laptop in front of Piper. She pulled up a web page and smiled. "What do you think?"

Piper looked at the page. "Alex I can't go to a club. I'm not even supposed to be drinking." She said, holding her nearly empty wine glass up.

"No, no, no." Alex started. "That's my club. I bought it - with the money I had from selling my mom's house." She explained.

"Oh." Piper said.

"I can't find a job." Alex began. "A friend sent me this and wanted me to invest with him." She held a hand for Piper to let her finish. "I didn't. The only money he has is drug money. But, I saw the opportunity. So I put a down payment down on it with the money from my mom. Took a few weeks to get it up and running, but we're actually turning up a bit of a profit now. It's only open a few nights a week right now, but hopefully soon we'll be open every night." There was a lot more work to be done. At the moment they were only running with a little less than half the staff needed, but Alex wanted to be more conservative until she was sure the club would be profitable.

"Wow. Alex, this is amazing." Piper said with a genuine smile. She had been worried about what Alex would do for a job as she knew the brunette couldn't find any place that would hire her.

"I promised you I was going legit." She said with a proud smile.

Piper looked down to blink away the tears. It was one thing for Alex to make promises while they were in prison, but it was another for her to live up to them on the outside with everything against her. Piper's heart swelled with pride at the woman before her. She was trying to make something of herself. Legally. She was really showing Piper that she wanted them to have a life together. She was working so hard to make something she - no, something they, could be proud of. For the first time Piper had the overwhelming feeling that they were going to make it.

Then it hit her. Over half of all the deals Alex made, she made in clubs. Hidden among the dark lighting, flowing alcohol and bodies pressed up against one another Alex had made many a deal go through. Not even just that, but drug use was rampant in ever the best clubs. "This is great Al, but how many deals did you make in clubs just like this one? Do you know the kind of drug use in clubs these days?"

"I wasn't in prison for that long, Piper. I know what happens. I also know how to tell who is dealing and using and how to make sure it doesn't come near my club. Look Pipes," Alex began as she reached over and took Piper's hands in her own. "I will do everything I can to keep that shit out of the club. Will it happen? Oh, without a doubt. All I can do is try to keep as much of it out as possible. The bouncers have Kubra and Fahri's pictures as bell as about three dozen other people we used to travel with and know not to let them in and, although not very popular, we have pat downs and bag checks before you're allowed in to make sure no one is bringing anything illegal in."

Piper leaned up and cupped Alex's face gently. She leaned in and kissed Alex, pouring all her feelings into the kiss. "So what was the first thing you bought when you got out?" She asked when they eventually pulled apart.

"Honestly? Toilet paper." Alex said with a laugh. "Thick, cushioney toilet paper. And a really good vibrator."

Piper nearly spit out her wine. "Alexandra Vause!"

"What?" Alex shrugged. As if it was the most logical thing in the world. "You expect me to wait until you get out to satisfy my urges? I do not go without sex. And since you have a few months left I had to find something to pass the time."

"I just though-"

"Thought what, Pipes? That I'd find someone else?" Piper shrugged. That was exactly what she had thought, yes. "I meant it when I said I want this to work. I want to be with you. I want _you_ to be my girlfriend. I know I don't have the best relationship track record, but I never cheated on you Pipes and I don't plan on starting now."

Pipers hand instinctively went to her cheek, the memory of Alex's girlfriend slocking her in the face coming to mind. "You only cheated to be with me then, huh?"

"Shh." Alex said with a chuckle. She took Piper's hands in her own and looked up at the blonde. "Do you trust me?"

Piper took a minute and looked deep into Alex's eyes. No. She didn't trust her. "I want to." She answered honestly.

Alex nodded and looked away. "That's fair. I can't expect you to after all the shit I've done. I know trust is earned and I will do everything I can to earn your trust back."

"It's not just you, Alex. I don't trust anyone right now. I was naive. Before prison I was naive. I trusted too easily, but now being behind bars with these people who are supposed to protect us and seeing what they really do, I don't know...I think my trust in the human race in general is a little shattered at the moment."

"I'm so sorry Piper. I'm sorry for all of it."

Piper waved Alex off. "Please, no more apologizing. I only have so long and honestly that's not enough time."

Alex faked a smile for the blonde. She knew Piper was attempting a joke, but it was true. She would never be able to make up for what she had taken from Piper. The best she could do was make a life for herself on the outside. Something she and Piper could be proud of.

Piper looked up at Alex with a new light in her eyes. "So," She began. "Are you going to show me the bedroom or do I have to ask?"

Alex smiled and held her hand out.


	11. Heaven, We're in Heaven

Decided to break this chapter and the previous one up rather than having one long chapter. So this is the second part of the Furlough chapter. There's also a third part I'll post next.

Thanks so much for the reviews guys! I love each and every one. Keep them coming :)

* * *

Piper took Alex's hand without hesitation and let the brunette lead her down the hall to the bedroom. It was plain. Stark white walls, a bed, nightstand, tall lamp in one corner and of course in typical Alex Vause fashion, an over filled bookcase. It was so unlike anything that Piper had ever seen Alex in. It made her sad thinking that Alex lived in this place. The once vibrant and passionate woman before her had been beaten down. It made Piper's heart physically ache.

"I know it's not much." Alex began upon seeing Piper's face fall as she looked around the small room.

Piper turned back to Alex, her eyes stopping on the single decoration on the wall. She smiled at Alex. "You still have that?"

Alex looked over at the picture on the wall. It was of her and Piper on the beach in Bali that first trip they had taken together. Someone else who was traveling with them had taken the picture when they weren't looking. They were too wrapped up in one another to notice. They were looking at one another with such love and happiness. "Yeah. It was in with a box my aunt sent. I have a lot more in a storage unit, but I haven't been able to go back there yet."

Piper reached up and cupped Alex's face. "I love you."

Alex smiled. "I love you too." She took Piper's hand and led her slowly to the bed. "Let me show you just how much." Piper was not about to argue with that. Alex slowly lowered Piper down onto the bed, their lips never leaving each other's as she did. She pulled back briefly to tuck some stray hair behind Piper's ear. She took a minute and looked deep into Piper's eyes. There was so much love staring back at her that it made her breath catch in her throat.

Piper reached up and brushed away the tear that had escaped Alex's control. She smiled and pulled Alex back into a kiss. Slowly clothes were shed as the two crawled under the thick comforter. Piper sank deep into the soft sheets as Alex slowly trailed kisses down her naked body. Piper's eyes fluttered shut at the sensations. Every kiss to her flesh made her body tingle. She was on fire.

"Piper if you don't stop wiggling around this isn't going to work."

Piper smirked. "Sorry. I can't help it."

"I know. I'm just _that_ good." Alex said with a grin. Piper attempted to roll her eyes, but Alex plunged two fingers deep into her sopping sex making Piper gasp. "God Piper you are soaking wet. Such a turn on."

At this point speech was beyond anything Piper was able to focus on so she didn't even attempt an answer. No shit she was soaking. She had Alex on top of her in a nice, soft bed behind a door with a lock. There were no guards, no one else around, no limit on the time they had alone together. As far as Piper was concerned she had died and gone to Heaven.

Alex withdrew her fingers eliciting a strong whimper from the woman beneath her. "Patience my love, patience. Good things come to those who wait."

"Alex, Jesus, I've waited long enough. Please!"

Alex couldn't help the smirk that came over her face. "I love it when you beg." She came up to Piper, kissing her until there was no air left in her lungs. As much as she loved teasing the blonde, she wasn't cruel enough to leave it just at teasing. Slowly she once again made her way down Piper's body. A kiss here, little nip here all the way down to Piper's sex which was literally glistening with her need. Ever so slowly she licked the outside of Piper's sex, cleaning up what she herself created.

Piper moaned and wiggled beneath her, trying to get Alex to go where she needed her the most. Alex smiled into her sex as her tongue slowly found Piper's clit. "Fuck, Alex!"

Alex sucked on that sensitive bundle of nerves until Piper was almost over that edge. She reached up and flicked a nipple with her right hand and Piper came tumbling over the edge screaming Alex's name. "Horrible wasn't it?"

Piper smiled as Alex came up and wrapped her arms around her. She turned so she was facing the brunette and kissed her. "You're amazing, you know that?"

Alex shrugged, this smug expression upon her face. "After that I have some idea."

"No" Piper said with a chuckle. "Well I mean yes, that was amazing. But I meant you're amazing. You." She kissed Alex and rolled on top of her. Gone were the days when she asked Alex if she could _do_ her. She knew just what Alex liked now and how to drag it out enough to make Alex literally beg for it. Her hands were everywhere. She couldn't get enough of the brunette. They kissed passionately as Piper's hands wandered over Alex's naked body.

"Piper" Alex warned.

Piper chuckled and moved her mouth down to Alex's breast.

"Piper"

Piper stopped and turned up to Alex. "Yes"

Alex let out a frustrated sigh. "Okay, now that's not nice."

Piper smiled and reached a hand down to flick Alex's clit. Alex jumped. "Now that wasn't nice. Keep it up Vause and I'll stop."

Alex pursed her lips, but relaxed back and let Piper have her way. Piper brought her attention back to Alex's breasts. She did have an amazing chest and Piper never could quite get enough of it. As she continued her assault on the brunettes breasts, she trailed her hand down Alex's body. "Speaking of soaked..." She teased.

"Well, with all this teasing." Alex raised an eyebrow almost challengingly. "Maybe you should do something about it."

Piper licked her lips, slowly. "I always deliver." Her lips back on Alex's chest Piper plunged two fingers deep into Alex. She was so wet Piper easily added a third and pumped out a slow and steady rhythm until she felt Alex's walls closing around her fingers. She brought her thumb up to her clit and Alex was soon thrown into ecstasy.

Piper laid down beside Alex and held her until her head came back down to Earth. "I forgot how amazing that was." Alex finally said. "I mean, it was good in prison. But here, having privacy and being able to take our time..." She trailed off.

"Since when do you care about privacy? I cringe thinking of all the people who saw us having sex on our trips."

Alex chuckled. "Yeah, well, we were young."

"Speak for yourself." Piper joked. "I still am young."

Alex laughed and wrapped her arms around Piper; the blondes head falling right over her heart. They fell into a blissful sleep, not waking until it was dark out. Alex carefully extracted herself from Piper. She took a few moments and just looked down at the blonde sleeping peacefully in her bed. How many nights had she dreamed of waking up to exactly this? Piper in her bed, no phone calls calling her away to deal with her business. Apart from the fact that Piper had to go back to prison, it was Heaven.

She threw on some yoga pants and a tank top that had been lying on the floor and went into the living room to grab her phone. 8:03. The club was still too new for her not to show up for a night. There wasn't anyone else who could do everything she did. And of course tonight was one of the four nights a week the club was open. She made a mental note to hire someone to be able to fill her shoes if she couldn't be there. A right hand person of sorts.

"You weren't there."

Alex looked up from her phone and smiled. Piper was standing in the doorway wrapped in only a sheet. "What?"

"I woke up and you weren't there." Piper said, looking away as a rose blush covered her cheeks.

Alex chuckled and went over to Piper, wrapping her arms around the shorter woman. "I'm sorry. I had to check the time. . . You're going to hate me..."

Piper looked up at Alex. "What?"

"I have to go to the club. I haven't hired another manager yet so I have to be there."

"When?"

"We open between ten and eleven so I have to be there in about an hour."

Piper nodded. She was sad, of course, but she was also really proud. Proud Alex was turning over a new leaf. That she was becoming a fully legal, productive member of society.

"I'm not sure what you'll want to do. You said you can't go, so I can drop you wherever you're staying on the way or you can stay here?"

Piper thought for a moment. "I want to go with you." She said with a smile. What would they do? Add more time to her sentence? She was pretty sure she already had more time coming for lying at Kubra's trial anyway. What was a little more when it meant more time with Alex? And in this moment she honestly didn't care. _Fuck it. You only live once, right?_

"You sure?"

Piper nodded. "Yeah, let's go."


	12. Few Short Months

Third and final part to Piper's little furlough escapade.

* * *

The two dressed quickly. Alex donned a pair of black jeans and a black sequined top that hung off of one shoulder and of course her new favorite pair of ass kicker boots. They made her a good few inches taller than her already impressive height. So now people really had to look up to her. She did her hair and make-up quickly so she and Piper could have a short make-out session against the wall of the bathroom. She then had to re-do her make-up, but it was well worth it. Piper quickly touched up her face as well, but she had applied her make-up before her grandmothers funeral so she was more or less okay. Just a quick touch up. Her make-up was better than the basic stuff they could use in prison so it actually stayed on during their earlier romp.

Piper came out of the bedroom just as Alex was finishing up her make-up at the sink. She shrugged. "It's all I have. I think it shrunk a little."

Alex's jaw nearly dropped. Piper stood before her in a skin tight sleeveless black dress with white and gold accents.

"Is it okay? It's too tight. I should take it off, shouldn't I?"

Alex had to look away or else she would have hiked up that dress and fucked Piper right then and there. "No. Don't take it off. I'll do that later when we get back." She said with a wicked grin.

The cab ride to the club was surprisingly slow for Piper. All she could focus on was Alex. How the outside of their thighs touched, how Alex rested her hand on Piper's bare knee, how her smile lit up her eyes when she caught Piper staring. All the things that made her first fall in love with the tall woman next to her resurfacing and making Piper fall in love all over again.

"What?" Alex asked after catching Piper staring again. "Is my make-up a mess?"

"No." Piper shook her head. "I just love you." She placed a gentle kiss on Alex's lips as the can came to a stop. Alex paid the cabby and they got out. The club wasn't anything really to look at on the outside. "It's . . . Nice."

Alex laughed. "It's just an old converted warehouse. Besides, it's what's on the inside that counts." She said with a kiss to Piper's cheek. She took the blonde's hand and led her around the side to the back entrance. She unlocked the door and punched in a code, flipping on the lights as they entered.

"Wow." Piper exclaimed, taking it all in.

"Don't 'wow' too much yet. It's a work in progress." Alex explained. "I have someone coming this weekend to replace the floors and new chairs and benches should be here tomorrow. I think the tables are coming on Monday."

Piper looked around. There was an oversized dance floor at the center of the room, bar up at the front and little VIP sections along the walls with tables, chairs and benches. Pretty standard. But, it was all Alex's. Her woman owned all of this. She looked up, realizing the club was at least three stories. "This is incredible Alex."

Alex smiled from behind the bar as she flipped on some more lights. "You really like it?"

Piper nodded. "I really do."

"There's so much more to be done I hated opening it when I did. But I needed the money. I couldn't wait until everything was ready to open it. So, you know, little by little."

"It'll get there."

They made their way to Alex's office as the staff started arriving; much to Piper's chagrin. She had wanted to christen Alex's office. Alex introduced Piper to everyone and left Piper at the bar with a drink while she flittered around the club talking with the staff, setting things up and just overall getting things ready for the night. At ten thirty the doors opened and people started filing through. Quite a lot of people, actually. Within half an hour the alcohol was flowing, music blasting and people were out on the floor dancing and having a great time.

Piper couldn't help but remember back when she'd be left at various club bars whilst Alex was busy making deals or connections or whatever exactly it was she did. Except this time she didn't feel like the '_pathetic housewife'_ she once did. She jumped as a pair of arms snaked around her waist, but quickly relaxed into the touch.

"Hey you." Alex whispered into her ear. "Sorry that took so long."

Piper smiled and kissed Alex. "Don't worry about it."

Alex nodded her head in thanks as the bartender handed her a drink. "You enjoying yourself?"

"You know, actually I am."

"Well I suppose it's more exciting than Litchfield." She joked.

Piper shrugged. "Eh, I don't know."

Alex smirked. "Do tell."

_"Wanna fuck with Luschek?" Nicky asked as they made their way back into the electrical shed. They were the first ones back and Luschek was drunker than a skunk in a trunk today. Well, that was before the lunch break. He probably had a few more schnapps infused hot chocolates with his lunch._

_Piper smirked. "What do you want to do?"_

_Nicky looked around the room just double checking no one was there. Then she stealthily made her way into Luschek's office at the back of the shop. She came back out with two large bottles._

_"What the hell is that?"_

_Nicky shrugged and handed one to Piper. "Not a fucking clue. Drink up."_

_They clinked the bottle necks together and started drinking. "He's gonna be pissed when he realizes it's missing."_

_"Yeah" Nicky agreed taking another long drink. "But we'll be drunk by then and what's he gonna do? Report us? Then we'd just say where we got the alcohol and he'd be fucked."_

_"Good point." Piper agreed with a long swill of her own bottle. "You only live once."_

_"Amen sister." Nicky nodded and clinked her bottle with Piper's. "Amen."_

"We got everyone in electrical completely shitfaced and Luschek just sat in a corner shaking his head. He had to say there was some big electrical emergency to keep us all there later until we sobered up. The next day he blasted music in the shed and wouldn't let us leave. We were all in agony. But it was worth it."

Alex let her head fall back as she laughed. "Wow. I leave and then all the fun starts, huh?"

Piper chuckled and snuggled closer to Alex. "Well I don't have you there anymore so I have to do something to pass the time."

Alex smiled and placed a kiss on the top of Piper's head. "Only a couple more months, kid." She downed the rest of the drink and took a few steps toward the dance floor, reaching out for Piper's hand. "You coming?"

Piper smirked and took Alex's hand, trailing behind as Alex walked them into the middle of the dance floor. The beat to Christina Aguilera's _Fighter_ pumped through the speakers and Piper smiled.

'_Cause it  
Makes me that much stronger  
Makes me work a little bit harder  
Makes me that much wiser  
So thanks for making me a fighter_

_Made me learn a little bit faster  
Made my skin a little bit thicker  
Makes me that much smarter  
So thanks for making me a fighter'_

The past few months had made her a fighter to say the least. Prison hadn't been at all what she thought it would be. It showed her who she truly was without all the bullshit of the outside or her pretending to be who others wanted her to be. She was free to just be herself. To just be. It was sad that it took going to prison for Piper to become who she was born to be, but that was the push she needed. She no longer gave a shit about keeping up her perfect, WASPy persona.

But it was more than that. She and Alex had fought just to be able to be in the same room together without fighting, never mind being able to be together. They had fought against many things, but time and betrayals being the most important. And now they were together. And they would both be thankful to Litchfield for that. Everyday would be another battle, but they knew now more than ever that they were fighters. They could handle it.

Alex pressed herself as close to Piper as she could and grinned up on her from behind. Her hands trailed from Piper's waist to her hips, pulling the blonde as close to her as she could. Piper leaned back and kissed Alex with all the passion she could and then they lost themselves to the music.

Aside from a few times Alex was pulled away to deal with things and occasional drink breaks at the bar, the two stayed on the dance floor all night. No one was an inmate, no one was an ex-girlfriend, they were just two people in love. For a few short hours Piper wasn't going back to prison, Alex wasn't going back to an empty apartment. For a few hours, life was good.

They finally got back to Alex's apartment just as the night was ending. A few rays of sunshine covered the comforter as the two women writhed underneath. They made love well into the morning and finally fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms.

They stayed in bed until they sun came up the following morning. They had spent the rest of the day completely wrapped around each other. It had been Heaven. Cal showed up early the following morning to bring Piper back to prison. Even in Paris it hadn't been this hard to leave Alex. After a tearful goodbye Alex promised to visit the next visitation day and Cal dragged Piper into the car. Just a few short months and they would be together again on the outside.

After a quick stop to Red's sad looking little shop, Piper was on her way back to Prison.

Just a few short months.


	13. You've Got (More) Time

A little Piper/Nicky because I love their friendship. I also jump forward a bit in the shows timeline. Trying to get out of the shows timeline as fast as I can so I can start with my own and how I want everything post season 2 to go. I do mention Red's accident in this chapter so I'm making it happen a bit earlier than it does in the show. Almost at the season 2 finale! Chapter 16 I incorporate parts of the finale so it's coming!

thanks so much for the favorites/follows/reviews. I love them!

* * *

"So that's all for my boring little life, how about you?" Piper finished as she leaned back against the wall.

"_I enrolled in college_." Alex said proudly.

"You what? Alex that's great!"

"_I'm __going to be a business woman. I should probably know a thing or two about running a business. Legally. Just two classes to start. I'm pretty busy with the club so I don't have that much free time, but it's something."_

Piper scoffed. "I'm sure you know more than the professors. As much as it sucked for me, you always were a great business woman."

"_Yeah, well,_" Alex began with a chuckle, shifting the phone to her other ear. "_I got caught so I wasn't all that great. Besides, I want to do things right this time around._"

"Are you sure you're not taking on too much at once, Alex?"

Alex shrugged. _"Probably. But when have you known me not to?" _She knew it was a lot, but she needed to stay busy. The past fifteen or so years of her life, except when she was with Piper and tried not to work so much, had been spent without much so much as a free moment to herself. She was constantly busy traveling, making deals, meeting new clients, recruiting mules and whatnot. After being released from Litchfield she had too much time to herself. She needed to stay busy. She needed to be so busy that she didn't have a moment to think about anything except how tired she was. The constant thoughts of how she had fucked up her life were too much.

Piper had to concede she had a point. "How are things going with the club?"

"_Great. I hired another manager to help with things and a couple bartenders so far. I can't do it all and then with my __classes now I have even less time. As of next week we will be open six days a week. I need a day to fucking rest."_

"Alex Vause admitting she can't do everything?" Piper teased with a smirk.

_"I'm getting old I guess." _Alex chuckled. "_I'm just stuck on the fucking name_." So far she had kept the club's old name as nothing had come to her that she felt was an adequate name for the new club. However, she had to have a new name before the club's re-opening coming soon. Well, more like a re-re-opening.

"I'm sure something will come to you. Oh, and Nicky told me to tell you that, and I quote, '_I told you you couldn't do it you soft_' ..." Piper trailed off trying to remember. "Something about a sneaker full of shit or something and '_you're a pussy._'"

Alex let her head fall back and laughed. "Yeah, well tell her that was back when I had six years." She explained.

"What?"

Alex shook her head and switched her phone to the other ear. _"It doesn't matter." _No way she was going to tell Piper she had been planning to cut off contact with her when Piper was released from prison. It didn't matter anyway as she got out before Piper and only had to wait a couple of months for the blonde to be released. A few months was absolutely doable. Six years not so much.

"So how many people have hit on the hot, new club owner today?"

Alex laughed. "_Your jealousy is showing, Pipes._"

"So?" Piper began. "I am jealous. I'll admit it. I'm jealous of anyone on the outside who gets to see you or touch you-"

"_There's no touching going on Piper_." Piper sighed. "_Look babe...I love you. You are the girl for me. It doesn't matter how many drunk twenty-three-year-old bartenders throw themselves at me-_"

"Oh awesome. Thank you for that."

"_Piper" _Alex began_. "You have to trust me."_

Piper sighed and looked around. "I know. I know I'm trying. It just sucks being in here while you're out there."

"_I know baby. . . But I'm not going to do anything. Even if I wanted to, I don't have the time. I spend every hour of every day trying to make something of myself that you would be proud of. If I didn't have you pushing me to be better I'd probably just start dealing again. But I do have you."_

"I know Al. But you cheated on your ex with me. I destroyed that relationship. That's how our whole relationship started."

"_You didn't destroy anything Piper. I wasn't happy with her_." Alex sighed in frustration. "_I'm happy with you. You're all I ever wanted. I'm not going to fuck this up. Not again."_

"How can you be happy with me when I'm in prison Alex?"

"B_ecause you'll be out in a couple of months, Pipes. I would rather be with you while you're in prison than be with anyone else out here. Piper, I love you_." She paused a minute. "_You're my girlfriend Piper I don't want anyone else_."

Piper smiled. "I am?" She asked. They hadn't discussed being official yet so it made her happy to hear that.

"_Of course! You really have to ask?_"

Piper's smile grew, if that was possible. "No."

There was a beeping on the line and Alex apologized saying she had to take the call. "_I'm sorry. It's business_."

Piper laughed at the irony. Only this time when Alex had to take a business call she didn't feel neglected and that pit that had always formed in her stomach never came. Rather, she smiled and felt proud of her girlfriend. After promising to come visit her in a few days time the two said their goodbyes.

"God you two make me sick." Nicky said as she joined Piper outside. She handed Piper a sack lunch knowing the blonde had skipped lunch to call Alex. And knowing they had to get back to work and the blonde would be hungry.

Piper rolled her eyes and playfully shoved Nicky. "Don't be jealous."

Nicky gave her a look that clearly read 'as if.' "If I was ever that disgusting with someone and smiling like that into the phone I would off myself before anyone had the chance to."

Piper smiled. "She's my girlfriend."

Nicky shook her head. "Congratulations."

"She's coming to visit on Saturday. Wanna see her with me?"

"I, in no way, want to be involved in your alone time."

Piper sat down on the bench outside of electrical and pulled her sandwich out. "What, do you think I'm going to throw her down on the table in visitation and have my way with her?"

"Well honestly I thought she'd throw you down." Nicky answered, sitting down across from Piper. Piper just glared at her. "Maybe I'll stop by if there's nothing better to do."

Piper chuckled and scoffed the rest of her lunch down. With only a couple minutes left getting everything down was more important than being a lady. "How is Red doing?"

Nicky shrugged. "She took a lock to the face a couple times how would you be?"

"Have you been to see her?"

"Oh yeah, all the time. They're really good about making sure we get to visit."

"Stupid question."

"Ya think?" Nicky snapped. She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

Piper waved her off. "Don't worry about it. You're just worried about her." She reached across the picnic table they were sitting at and put a comforting hand over Nicky's. "Red is a fighter. She'll be okay." Nicky nodded. "Wanna see if Luschek has anymore bottles lying around?" She asked with a smirk.

Nicky smiled. That was just what she needed right now. It had been a few weeks since their drunken escapade. Without any more incidences, Luschek was probably thinking they wouldn't do any thing again. His guard should be back down by now. Nicky winked and looked behind them to where the electrical shop head's truck was parked. She knew where he kept the good stuff.

"Don't even think about it Nichols."

Nicky cursed and moved away from the truck as Luschek walked by with a smirk on his face. She cursed and went back to they able. "You couldn't tell me he was coming?" She looked around. "Chapman? . . Chapman?" Piper was nowhere to be seen. "Girl needs a class in lookout 101. Rule number one, fuckin look ... out."

Piper quietly sat down across from Healy. Nicky was going to be pissed. But what was she supposed to say? _"No, sorry I can't come to a meeting right now Mr. Healy I have to play lookout so Nicky can steal Luscheck's alcohol." _She was in deep enough with him already. Luschek wouldn't do any thing to Nicky other than make fun of her for a bit so there was no real danger there. Though she would have to do something to make it up to Nicky later.

"So, Chapman, you have some more time coming."

"I have what?" Piper's face went white.

"You lied under oath Chapman."

Piper's heart dropped. "I didn't exactly lie-"

"Vause's testimony said otherwise."

Piper closed her eyes and shook her head. She had been expecting this to come. Part of her hoped they would just forget about it, but she knew the risks when she testified. "How long?"

"Another seven months."

"Seven months!" Piper exclaimed. That put her total time up to two years. All these mandatory minimum sentences and trying to make an example of people was ridiculous, but what could she do? If she tried to fight it it would only make things worse. "They can't even prove I lied! Maybe Alex lied."

"The federal government doesn't take kindly to one of their star witnesses changing her testimony. You told the prosecutor you knew this guy..." He looked through the file on his desk. "Cobra...Kubra...whatever. You told them you knew him and then testified that you didn't. You lied, Chapman. Enjoy your stay here." He smiled and dismissed her.

"Mr. Healy this isn't fair."

"Life isn't fair Chapman."

"The guy got off. There was a mistrial. So it doesn't even matter what I said."

Healy sighed and looked up at Piper. "You lied Chapman. It matters to the government."

"Don't I get a trial or something?"

Healy looked up at the time then back to Piper's file in front of her. "You're late for work."

Piper got up and left the office as calmly as she could. She was boiling inside, but a famous Piper temper flare up wouldn't do her any good. She had no idea what to do. Another eight months would mean she wouldn't get out for fifteen months. That was the same as the time on her original sentence. How was she supposed to do that time with Alex on the outside? She had made the decision to lie under oath knowing the risk of additional time when she thought that additional time would be spent in prison with Alex. Not in prison while Alex was out and free. She shook her head and threw the door open, stepping into the crisp light of day. What the fuck was she going to do?


	14. Oh, The Fishbowl

Thanks for there views guys, LOVE them!

* * *

Piper looked over at the CO assigned to monitor phone calls for that hour. He turned for a brief moment and Piper was able to hang up and dial again. It wasn't like Alex not to answer when she called. Even if she was in the bathroom she would answer and just tell Piper to give her a moment. Thankfully the guard turned so Piper could call her again or else she would have had to hang up and go to the end of the phone line. This time the phone was answered on the forth or fifth ring.

"_Hello_?"

Piper paused for a moment. She didn't recognize the voice. "I'm sorry I'm looking for Alex but I think I dialed the wrong number."

"_No you didn't, this is Alex's phone._"

"Well then can I talk to her?" Piper hated the feeling of betrayal and jealousy that were quickly rising within her. For all she knew Alex was in the bathroom and had a friend over who answered her phone or she had left her phone somewhere. Alex would never cheat on her...

"_Uh no, not right now. We're just getting into the shower. I'll tell her you called._"

"Wait you don't even know who this is-" Piper protested, but the line went dead. She slowly hung up the phone. Thankfully Nicky was waiting for her and was able to pull Piper away before she got a shot for holding up the next person in line.

"What the hell happened?" Nicky asked.

Piper blinked a few times before she actually saw Nicky standing in front of her. "She's cheating on me."

"Whoa, slow down Chapman. What happened?"

"Some girl answered her phone and she said they were getting into the shower."

Nicky's heart broke for her friend. She knew how much the brunette meant to her. "Man I'm sorry." Normally she would have gone on and said how Piper really should have expected this from Alex and how Piper was better off without the backstabbing liar/life ruiner, but she had enough sense to know that wasn't what Piper needed to hear. Instead she walked her back to her cube and sat with her while Piper cried, staring down anyone who looked at her. Almost daring them to say something. Thankfully no one did.

* * *

Alex handed her ID to the guard on duty. "I'm here to see Piper Chapman." She explained.

The guard handed Alex her ID back with an apologetic look on her face. "I'm sorry Ms. Vause you're not on her list."

"I'm sorry, I'm what?"

"I'm sorry." The guard explained. She was a nice woman. She had always looked the other way when women were cuddling on their bunks or holding hands.

"What? That's ridiculous. I was just here last week. I just saw her last week." Alex closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She had no idea what was going on. First Piper hadn't called her in over five days and now she was off her visitation list? Nicky. Nicky would know what was going on. And Alex was on her list. "Can I see Nicky then?"

The guard smiled and reached out for Alex's ID. "Sure."

Alex tapped her fingers on the table waiting for Nicky to get there. The wild haired woman had barely stepped into the room when Alex was up. "What the hell is going on?"

Nicky rolled her eyes and sat down. "Hey Vause, great to see you too. You lose weight?"

"Why won't Piper see me?"

"You know I have to be strip searched after this." Nicky said.

Alex took a calming breath. "Nicky, please."

Nicky sighed and shook her head. "You fucked up Vause."

"Yeah, what else is new?"

"I'm the last person to tell someone who they can't sleep with, but Piper loves you. If you didn't want to be with her you should have just told her that. Don't you think you've fucked her over enough for one lifetime-"

"Nicky what the fuck are you talking about?" Alex asked, clearly frustrated.

"Your new sex toy answered your phone when Piper called a couple days ago."

Alex took a moment and shook her head. "Sex toy?"

"Yeah, whoever you happened to be sleeping with that day. Look, Piper called and she answered and said you two were getting into the shower together. It's not my business and I really don't care. Fuck who you want, but Piper-"

"What day did she call?"

"Tuesday.

Alex took a deep breath and carefully laid her hands down on the table to prevent herself from doing something stupid. She hadn't heard anything from Piper since Monday night. "Nicky I was at the club from eight am on Tuesday until four am the next morning interviewing literally hundreds of people and then we were open that night. I wasn't showering with anyone. I'm not sleeping with anyone."

Nicky looked deep into Alex's eyes. She couldnt tell if Alex was telling the truth or not. The older woman had spent nearly two decades building a business that required much secrecy and lying. It wasn't surprising Nicky couldn't tell. "I had to pull her away from the phone. You didn't see the look on her face... I very much doubt Piper would have made that up."

"No, but someone else did." Alex said with a frustrated breath. "I'm going to kill her."

"Probably best not to talk about killing people right now." Nicky offered with a shrug.

Alex's eyes quickly darted around the room. "It's this new bartender I hired. She's been hitting on me since I hired her, but I just ignored her because she's really good at her job. I told her I had a girlfriend. Jesus! . . Why would Piper even believe her? She knows I would never do that to her."

"Prison makes you paranoid, you know that. It teaches you not to trust anyone. Her whole life is just about making it to the next phone call or visit from you. Then to have some bitch answer your phone and say what she said...what was she supposed to think?"

"Fuck." Alex let out a slow breath and let her head fall to her hands on the table. "Can you tell her I didn't do anything and that bitch is fired the second I get back?"

Nicky shrugged. "I'll tell her, but I don't think she's going to believe me right now."

"How is she?"

"She's a fucking mess, how do you think she is?" Nicky explained. "Remember how you were when she chose Larry over you?" Alex nodded. "She's like that only she won't let me fuck her into feeling better and she cries all the time. Or cried all the time. Now she's just pissed."

"Fuck." Alex sighed. "I didn't tell Piper about this girl because I didn't want her to worry about this girl hitting on me."

"Yeah, because this is so much better."

"You're not helping."

"Look, Chapman is my friend-"

"I'm your friend."

"Yes" Nicky acknowledged. "But you're out there and were in here." There would always be a different connection between women on the inside. They looked out for one another. Yes she and Alex were also friends. Had been friends before Nicky became friends with Piper. But Piper was who she was inside with and Piper was who she was going to look out for. "Look I'll tell her but I don't know how much good it will do. Her biggest fear was that you would find someone else and then this bitch tells her you had..." She trailed off. "She's not doing good."

"Nicky, please. She will listen to you."

"I'll do what I can, but you know her. She's stubborn. She's got that Chapman temper."

Alex sat back in the chair and shook her head. "I go on maybe four hours of sleep most nights, Nicky. I'm so busy getting this club up and running and with my classes. Do you know the amount of homework I have every night? At least three hours. At least. That's three hours on top of the twelve to fourteen I spend at the club. And that's just with online classes. Eventually I'm going to need to go to actual classes too. I'm trying to make something of myself so I can be who Piper needs me to be. I'm not putting in all this work to go and fuck someone else."

Alex knew she needed to make something for herself for herself as much as she needed to make something of herself for Piper. Piper wasn't the only reason she was doing everything - the club, college, all of it. She was a major reason, but not the only reason. Alex needed to remember who she used to be. She needed a reason to believe in herself, a reason to stand tall. Alex needed to know she was worth more than the money she made in heroin. She needed to prove to herself that her life was not a waste. That she had a point and a purpose in life.

Nicky slowly nodded. "Okay." She said. "I'll tell her."

This time Alex actually believed her. "I love her Nicky. I promise I'm not trying to hurt her."

Nicky nodded. "I'll get her to put you back on her visitation list and try to get her to call you. But short of physically dragging her to the phones, there's only so much I can do."

Alex sighed and shook her head. "It's always going to be like this with us, isn't it?"

"Like what?"

"Another ride on the Piper Chapman fucking merry-go-round. We're together, we're not, things are great, then they're not. I don't know how much of this I can take. Things aren't going to work if she cuts me off when something happens-when she thinks something happens. I'm trying so hard here Nicky, but I'm constantly worried that something will happen and she'll leave me again. It's like Paris all over again."

"Paris?" Nicky questioned. At the look Alex gave her she knew it wasn't to be discussed. "Look Vause, Chapman has issues. You know that. It's why you decided you were done with her on Christmas. But then you saw her and changed your tune. Look, how many times has she left you at this point?"

"Things are...complicated, Nicky. She left me in Paris because I asked her to do something she told me she would never do again. Then she left me at Christmas-"

"Because she chose someone else over you. Do you really think that won't happen again?"

"She was with him before she got here. Of course she left me for him. What did I have to offer her in here? Third time's a charm, right?"

Nicky shook her head. "You two need to get your shit together. Either be together or don't, but this back and forth isn't good for either of you."

Alex sighed. "I need to talk to her. I need to figure out if she's as serious about this relationship as I am. I can't keep doing this back and forth anymore. I'm getting to old for that shit." She looked up at Nicky. "What's the real issue here Nicky?"

Nicky looked around the room. It wasn't her place to say anything, but Alex should know and she didn't know if Piper would tell her. "She got extra time on her sentence for lying in Chicago. Another seven months."

"Shit." Alex slumped back in her chair. "That's why she's doing this."

"Hmm?"

"Pushing me away." Alex explained. "Because she has fifteen months left."

Nicky raised an eyebrow. "You were planning on doing the same thing to her. You said back when you were still in here that you were going to cut off contact with Piper when she got out because you still had time left."

Alex sighed. "We both know I wouldn't have been able to do it."

Nicky shook her head. "You two confuse me."

They chatted for a bit longer, Nicky catching Alex up on Red and the latest prison gossip and goings on. Alex left well before the hour was up as Nicky said she had, "_better things to do" _but promised to talk to Piper. On the way home Alex decided it was finally time to stop by her storage unit. She would find some books she and Piper used to read together and some photographs of happier times between them and send them to Piper as soon as she could. One day things would stop being so difficult for them. Alex just hoped that day would come sooner rather than later.

* * *

"No." Piper shook her head. "I don't want to."

Nicky let out another frustrated breath. "Look Chapman," She began, sitting on Red's bunk across from Piper. "What are you really mad about? She didn't actually fuck that girl. She's just some stupid twenty-something bimbo with a crush that wasn't reciprocated. I'm sure from now on Vause isn't going to let her phone leave her sight. Nothing happened."

"You don't know that."

"Piper" Nicky began. She waited until Piper looked up to continue. "She loves you. I know what happened sucked. I get that. I get that it brought up all these insecurities you have about your relationship. I know being in a relationship with someone on the outside is difficult. Hell, any relationship is difficult. But everything Alex is doing with her club and school is for you. So she can be someone and make something of herself. So she can make a life for you. I don't think the issue is that you don't trust her. I think you trust her too much and it scares the shit out of you. So you make this huge issue out of what some dumb bitch said because what, she had a conversation with Alex and you're jealous?"

Piper shrugged and looked down.

"Even if you were out with her, other people are allowed to talk to her. You gotta keep this jealousy in check or you're going to push her away. You can't keep playing this back and forth game you play. It's not fair to her. She is doing everything she can to become someone you can be proud of. But if you keep this shit up, she's going to be someone someone else can be proud of."

Piper watched as Nicky got up and walked out of the dorm. She leaned back against the wall and sighed. She knew she was being childish. If Alex said she hadn't slept with the girl and Nicky believed her, chances were she was telling the truth. Prison just had this way of making everything feel like high school. All the drama and petty crap around her twenty-four seven made her cling to Alex. And then after the phone call and feeling like she had lost the one thing she needed to live...Piper didn't know how to describe it really. Other than the fish bowl of prison making everything worse.


	15. Okay, Right?

Thank you SO much for the reviews/favorites/follows. I appreciate them all immensely. Hope you all enjoy this chapter :)

* * *

_"No, I know it's...Yes...Yes I realize that" Alex looked over at Piper across the room and rolled her eyes, earning a chuckle from the blonde. "Yeah I'll be there...Okay...mhmm...You know this isn't my first...yeah" She looked over at Piper again and brought her hand together in that way that showed the person on the other end of the phone was yapping on and on. "Mhmm...great...yeah, bye." She set her cell down on the end table and fell down into the couch. "God I can't wait to be done with this."_

_"Done with what?" Piper asked as she plopped down beside Alex._

_"This." Alex said, motioning to her cell phone. "Living phone call to phone call. Doing whatever, whenever, wherever they tell me to. I mean the money is amazing, but it sucks." Piper nodded and reached over to tuck Alex's hair behind her ear. "I love the traveling. And the ... well, most of the people. Actually just some of the people. But I'm not an idiot, Piper. I know how this is putting a strain on us and the last thing I want to do is lose you. No amount of money or traveling is worth that."_

_Piper smiled. She knew Alex loved her, but it was nice to hear that she was more important than the business to the brunette. She had figured Alex meant she couldn't wait to be done with the current trip they were on. They had been there for almost three months now. But once again Alex managed to surprise her. She had never thought Alex would want out of the business. "__What would you do instead?"_

_"Honestly?" Alex shrugged. "I have no idea."_

_"You could play professional poker." Piper suggested. "If I remember correctly you were really good at it."_

_"Really fucking brilliant." Alex joked._

_Piper chuckled. "It's kind of like dealing heroin except legal. High stakes games at exotic locations. Power, adrenalin, money. A lot of money if you're good at it. How many deals did you make go through with a winning poker hand?"_

_Alex thought for a moment. "A lot." She admitted._

Piper sighed and swung her legs over the side of her bunk. She looked up at the acusing stare of Nicky's from where the other woman was leaning against the so called 'doorway' to her cube. "Don't look at me like that."

"You have talk to her."

"Why? Why exactly do I _have_ to talk to her?"

"Because you're depressing as shit, Chapman." Nicky sat down on Red's bunk across from Piper. "Look, if you really wanted to be done with her you wouldn't be moping around here." Piper looked away. "I get you're pissed. And I get you're scared of what she will say now that you have more time, but you need to talk to her. All she wants is to see if you're as into this...thing, as she is. If you're not just tell her so she can move on. This isn't right and you know it. You can't keep changing your mind on her. You're not even a dyke and you have way too much dyke drama. Make a fucking decision."

Piper nodded. Nicky was right. She wasn't being fair to Alex at all. All she ever thought about was what Alex had done to her, but what about what she had done to Alex? All of the back and forth, the I want you, but I don't. She was a complete headcase. "God I'm such an idiot."

"Well, I mean, if the shoe fits." Nicky said with a shrug. "Do you love her?"

Piper slowly nodded. "Yes."

"Do you want to be with her?"

"In here or out?"

"Do you want to be with her?" Nicky repeated. "God Chapman . . . people go off to war and never see their girlfriends again, people get cancer, get shot, people die! People die and leave the people they love behind. Alex is here; living and breathing in the same world you are and you're going to make a big deal over some bitch who grabbed Vause's phone when she wasn't looking? Or what, because you have a few more months in here?" She got up and walked to the edge of the cube. "You've really got some fucking issues, you know that?"

Piper watched Nicky walk away and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah I know."

The rest of the day went by just as any other and just as every day for the next fifteen months will go. Only Piper couldn't focus on anything or get anything right. She was past the point of getting shots and was in serious danger of getting thrown in the SHU when the time the inmates were allowed to use the phones finally came around.

Morello, having more free time than any of them as she wasn't needed to drive the van all that often, saved a phone so Piper was able to skip ahead of the line. Electrical was the furthest job so it would have taken her a while to get to the phones and then she would have had to wait a good half hour at least until a phone was free. And if Piper didn't get to a phone quick her ass was going to get sent to the SHU.

She threw an appreciative smile at Morello and mouthed a 'thank you' as she grabbed for the phone. She had to dial the number a couple of times, but she was so worked up she couldn't get the number right. "Fuck!"

"Inmate! Do you want to go to the SHU?"

"No, no she's fine officer." Nicky said, coming to the rescue. "She just has an important phone call; a bit nervous is all." Nicky took the phone and dialed the number in for Piper. She handed the blonde the phone back, but stayed right beside her to make sure that no more trouble came to her friend.

Piper tapped her foot impatiently waiting for Alex to answer her call. "Come on Al."

"Chapman, relax." Nicky warned. They could only do so much to keep Piper out of segregation and the blonde had pissed off just about every CO on duty today.

Piper took a deep breath and nodded. She just needed to talk to Alex.

_"Hello?"_

"Alex!" Piper exclaimed, a tear falling down her cheek. "I am so so sorry Alex. I love you and that's all that matters. I know you didn't do anything. I know that. I shouldn't have taken you off my list or not called you, but you're back on my list and I'm calling you now-"

Alex chuckled. _"Whoa, Pipes, slow down."_

Piper took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

Alex sighed. "_Look Pipes, you're going to have to trust me. I could tell you every second of every day that I'm not going to fuck anyone else, but unless you trust me it wouldn't mean anything. And you can't just take me off your visitation list and not call me because you're pissed. It's not fair."_

Piper nodded. "I know."

_"The only way we have any contact is through you - whether you want to see me, whether you call or not. You can't just cut me off."_

"I know. I'm sorry."

_"It's not fucking fair."_

Piper nodded. "I know."

_"Will you stop agreeing with me?! I'm pissed!"_

Piper smirked. "I love you."

Alex let out a long breath_. "I love you too. Look, Pipes . . ." _She paused for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to word her question. _"Are you in this thing? I mean like seriously in it? Because I thought you were, but then every little thing you get mad at me or take me off your visitation list and don't call. I'd gotten my hopes up." _She attempted a joke with the last statement; remembering a time she said it before. Alex had had it with this back and forth 'I love you' 'I love you not' shit of Piper's and was using humor to try and ease a potentially uncomfortable conversation.

"Alex, I'm in this. I want to be in it. That has nothing to do with why I've been avoiding you. I . . ." She sighed. "I got more time, Al."

Alex sighed. _"I know. Nicky told me."_

Piper turned and glared at the woman next to her. "Did she now?" Nicky just shrugged.

_"Someone had to and she didn't know when and if you would talk to me again. Piper . . . I love you and I want to be with you."_

"But fifteen months Al, can we do that?"

_"What, so it was okay for your fucking boyfriend to wait fifteen months for you, but it's not for me? Thanks a lot Pipes."_

"You know why it was okay for him to wait for me Alex? Because I honestly didn't care if he left me. If he stayed with me while I was here, then great. I'd have someone to go home to when I got out. If we ended up breaking up because it was too hard for him then that was fine too. Yes, I loved Larry. But I was never in love with him. I certainly never felt about him the way I do about you. So that's why it was okay. Because either outcome I would have been fine with. Well, I mean, it would have hurt as any breakup does. But with you . . ." She paused for a moment and looked around. As if what she needed to say was written on the walls. "With you I won't be okay with either outcome. I wasn't in love Larry, Alex. I was in love the life we had. But even through all the years we were apart and the fact that I was the one who left us... I wanted that life with you. I testified at Kubra's trial that you were the love of my life!"

There was a few moments of silence before Alex spoke. "_You did?"_

Piper's nodded. "Yes. And I meant it. You've always been the love of my life, Alex. I know I left you in Paris and that doesn't show that, but it was never you I was leaving. It was the drugs and that life. And I knew you would never chose me over the drugs so I had to leave or I would have carried another bag for you. And another and another. I would have done anything you asked and I would have lost myself. But Ibe always wanted to be with you Al."

Alex took in a deep breath. _"Fifteen months isn't so bad."_

"It's terrible."

_"I know."_

"I just didn't want you to put your life on hold for me."

_"That's my decision, Piper, not yours."_

Piper nodded. "I know. I'm sorry."

_"Do you have a lawyer?"_

Piper raised an eyebrow in confusion at the sudden turn in their conversation. "Not anymore, why?"

_"I'm going to give you my lawyers number when I come see you on Friday."_ She paused a moment, letting Piper know she was in fact going to visit. It wasn't even a question. _"They're rebuilding the case against Kubra. My lawyer can represent us both. This time, we can both say we know him and his role in everything and it should put him away. And then you can take the deal I had."_

"And get out?"

_"That's my hope."_

"What if it doesn't work, Alex? Or what if it takes them longer to build their case than the length of my sentence?"

_"Well, my lawyer says Kubra hasn't been allowed to leave the country and has been under twenty-four hour surveillance and as of a couple days ago was still in town so they don't have to fight to extradite him. And they basically already have their case so it shouldn't take too long."_

Piper sighed. "What if, even if they do get a new trial and he is convicted, I don't get out?"

_"Then we will deal with that then. But I already spoke with my lawyer and he said there shouldn't be an issue with you getting the deal. He said it should only be a few months until the new trial."_

Piper sighed again. This was turning out to be a very sigh-full conversation. Someone had once told her that hope was a dangerous thing to have in prison. She had learned that a few times over the hard way. She didn't dare hope that what Alex has saying would actually happen. "I can't lose you again Alex."

_"I know baby. And you won't. Think about it, even when I was up to my fucking eyelids in heroin I never left you. You left me. So above anything else I think you can trust that I would stay with you."_

Piper nodded. The woman had a point. A painful point that made the pit in Piper's stomach grow, but a point nonetheless. People, both male and female, had always hit on Alex. The time the two of them were together all those years ago was no exception. But Alex had always turned them down and gone home with Piper. Alex Vause was nothing if not loyal. Yes, she was the reason Piper was currently sitting in prison and with added time. But they'd been broken up for eight years when she named Piper so loyalty didn't exactly apply there. And even though it was royally fucked up, by telling Piper to lie and thus earning the blonde extra time on her sentence, Alex had done as she said and protected her.

"We're going to be okay, right?"

Alex chuckled. _"Aren't we always?"_


	16. Escaping Your Past

Annual mid-week chapter post. Not sure why I included Sophia in this chapter other than she is an amazing character and I felt she could really help Piper with this issue and give her some valuable insight. And I, sorry it's a little late. This chapter was a lot longer, but I had to add a scene which would have made it too long so I split it into two chapters. Hope you like it!

* * *

Piper returned from her phone call with a huge smile on her face. There was a package sitting on her bunk. She must have missed mail call and someone took it for her. It always came at a different time depending on who was checking the mail that day and when they eventually got around to actually checking it. She turned the box over in her hands. Her name was written in Alex's familiar handwriting.

She sat down and pulled the contents of the box out, the smile on her face only growing. There was a whole mess of books. Not just any books, but books she and Alex had read together during their travels. And not just the same books, but the same exact copies they had packed up and brought with them. She traced her fingers along the broken spines and bent pages. One of the books even had some sand still in it.

There was a collection of 4x6 pictures of her and Alex in various locations over the nearly four years they were together. She flipped through them slowly, reliving the memories associated with each photograph. They'd had some amazing times. She couldn't help but wonder where they would be now if she had never left Alex. She shook her head. There was no point in dreaming about the what-ifs. She had Alex now and that's all that mattered.

At the bottom of the box was a collection of assorted sized and colored papers. She carefully took them out and the tears immediately started falling. They were letters. Little love notes she and Alex had left one another. If they hadn't seen each other that day or if they'd had a fight or even just because. They were reminders that no matter what was going on they still loved one another.

_Pipes, By the time you wake up it will just be a couple hours until I get back and I cannot wait to see you. Be prepared to stay in all night ;) Alex_

_Alex, Missed you today. Can't wait to see you later. Xoxo Piper_

_Piper, When did you become such a lightweight, kid? Enjoy the hangover. These two days will fly by! See you soon. Alex_

_Pipes, I have a surprise for you. But you have to figure it out ;). First clue is under the bed. The longer you take to figure it out, the longer we will be apart. So hurry! Love love love, Alex_

Piper smiled sadly. They had amazing times, but that always being apart deal had been a killer. And now she had to do it again. She was with Alex again only for them to be apart more often than not. It sucked, but what was the alternative? She just hoped Alex would make it until she was out and they could be together. She didn't want to let Alex know, but she was seriously worried about her girlfriends safety on the outside. Piper looked out beyond her cube at the other woman going about their lives. They were all missing people on the outside. And there was nothing any of them could do about it.

* * *

Alex turned the shiny revolver over in her hands. It had gotten to this point now. She was doing everything she could to stay away from illegal activity, but she had to protect herself. She had promised Piper no more illegal shit, but she couldn't imagine that Piper would rather she be dead than to have partaken in a tiny little bit of illegal activity and gotten a gun.

She sighed and lowered herself down onto the bed, still staring at the heavy silver object in her hands. Alex Vause did not do vulnerable well. She had spent years building up her rough and tough exterior. After her tough upbringing, she was determined to never be that vulnerable little girl again. And now every aspect of her life was vulnerable - her club was newly reopened after going under with the previous owners and vulnerable to history repeating itself, despite it doing amazingly well at the moment. Her relationship with Piper was vulnerable to one of the blonde's many mood swings and and changing her mind about Alex yet again. Even Alex's her own life was vulnerable.

Alex was not used to this kind of vulnerability. She was not vulnerable. She was tough, had a thick, hard outer shell. She thought back to Piper as she tended to do. Piper made her vulnerable. Piper had always been her Achilles heel of sorts, only she had realized it too late.

_"I wanted you to like me. I still do."_

Everything she was doing was for Piper. And it was still a constant fear that Piper would leave her again or pick Larry again. Trust was a two way street and the truth was that she didn't trust Piper either. Piper had broken her heart too many times for her to blindly give it to the blonde again. They were both trying. Hopefully that would be enough. It had to be at the moment because what alternative was there?

There was a group of men gathered outside of her apartment by the two black SUVs. Four at her last count. Two of her bouncers from the club were sitting in her living room. They were the only people she knew who could protect her. They'd both done time, just as she had.

It was important to her to help other people who had been in prison and couldn't find work. So she hired quite a few ex-cons to work at the club. She did have pretty strict criteria, however. Alex was no fool. The first was, no violent crimes, except for the bouncers. For some reason it made her feel safer knowing one had done time for causing physical harm to other people. It showed they would protect the club and thus, protect her. Another criteria was no theft. She had a business to run and couldn't trust someone who had a record of stealing. And no one who was involved in drugs. She wouldn't have that in her club. It was asking for trouble.

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. This was no way to live. She knew the bouncers would protect her. Even kill to keep her safe, but Alex couldn't live with herself knowing someone had been killed because of her. Even if it was a matter of them or her. She couldn't do it anymore. The constant fear, constant threat to herself, her business, her employees and friends. She was trying so hard to turn her life around, but she had been in too deep for too long. Sometimes you just can't escape your past. If things didn't change in the next few days before she saw Piper then she was going to have to run.

* * *

Piper peaked her head into the salon. "Are you free?"

Sophia looked up from her magazine and smiled. "Of course honey. Come on in." Piper smiled and held out a bottle of lotion she made for the other woman. She knew Sophia liked it so it was a good trade for a haircut. Sophia took the lotion with a wink. She tapped the black chair and waited for Piper to sit. "Just a trim?"

Piper nodded. "If straighten it a bit too? Like last time? It normally dries pretty straight, but I want it to really look good."

"Sure sweetie." She swung the black cape over Piper and fastened it behind her neck. "Someone special coming to see you?" She asked. "Maybe a certain tall, hot, ex-drug dealer?"

Piper smiled. "Yeah. She's coming today."

Sophia nodded as she picked up a brush and started on Piper's hair. "I've noticed you've been a bit mopey lately. You wanna talk about it?"

"No." Piper shook her head. "Alex and I were having...an issue...More like I made something out of nothing. But we talked and it's all straightened out now. But I feel like there's something she's not telling me. When she calls she sounds . . ." Piper trailed off. She couldn't describe it really. "I'm not sure. Distracted maybe? Or scared?"

Sophia nodded. "But you don't want to talk about it." She said with a chuckle. Piper said no and then went on talking about it anyway. She was a confusing woman.

Piper smiled. "No. Not about that."

"But about something else." Sophia finished for Piper. "Don't be shy. You know I won't tell anyone." It was true. Sophia had to know everyone's deep, dark secrets and yet she never told anyone else what was told to her.

Piper let out a deep breath. She didn't quite know how to word this. "When you first decided to..." She trailed off not knowing exactly what to say or even what it was called.

"Transition?"

Piper nodded. "How did you know that was what you really wanted? How did you know that that was who you really were?"

Sophia shrugged. "I just knew. It took years for me to act on it, but I knew when I was little. I knew I was a female on the inside even if the outside didn't match."

"How did you handle what other people thought?"

Sophia stopped and moved the scissors away from Piper's hair. "Girl don't tell me you wanna become a man."

"Dear God no." Piper said with a laugh. "It's me and Alex."

"Mhmm. How long had it been since you've seen her?"

"Almost a week."

Sophia nodded. "Its hard being separated from those we love. But you still see her pretty often you have to be happy about that?"

Piper nodded. "I am. I'm very thankful she comes every week." She sighed. "My parents will never accept her or our relationship. They see her as the reason I'm in here no matter how many times I tell them that it was my choice to do what I did."

"Well honey it's not easy." Sophia explained, going back to Piper's hair. "I lost a lot of friends. My parents disowned me. My son wouldn't talk to me. But they're all outside sweetie. You have to make a choice that is best for who you are on the inside. No one is going to like every choice you ever make. But what matters is that you like it. At the end of the day you have to be confident and able to live with your decision. You have to do what is best for you."

"I'm not saying I'm gay." Piper reasoned. So Alex had been the only person Piper had ever felt this way about? The only person she had ever been this insanely head over heels, I'll carry drug money for you, kind of in love with? It wasn't because she was a woman. It was because of who she was and the chemistry they had together. Just because she couldn't make a relationship with any man work didn't mean she was gay. She loved Alex because she was Alex. Not because she was a woman. Right?

"Honey you don't have to. Not everyone's feelings have to be as obvious as mine. Things aren't always black and white. How you feel and who you are attracted to is no ones business but your own."

"But would it be such a terrible thing if I was?" Piper immediately kicked herself. She hadn't meant to say that out loud.

"Of course it wouldn't." Sophia said with a smile. "Gay, straight or somewhere in the middle you are still you. It doesn't define who you are. It's just a part of you."

"I just want them to accept her." A big issue Alex had with their relationship now was that she didn't feel that Piper was as serious about it as she was. She more felt that by process of elimination she was all that Piper had left. She knew Piper loved her, but couldn't shake the feeling she was a last resort. Despite Piper assuring Alex this wasn't the case, the brunette still felt that way. Piper didn't blame her. After all, she was the _invisible woman_.

Piper wanted to show Alex that she was as serious about their relationship as Alex was. That meant telling her parents and no longer keeping Alex the invisible woman. She wanted Alex to know she was invested in their relationship.

"I hear that." Sophia nodded in understanding. "But sometimes honey, no matter what you do or how you do it someone is going to have an issue with it. Once you stop caring so much about what other people think you will be much happier. Surround yourself with people who love and accept you as you are. I know they're family and we all want our family to approve of our choices, our partners and everything, but sometimes there's just no pleasing some people."

"I didn't tell anyone about Alex when we were first together. Well except my best friend Polly...well, ex-best friend. She's screwing my ex-fiancé now. Not the point, but she and my brother knew. But that was it. Alex took me around the world and I told my parents I was on vacation with my best friend. I just...I don't want to do that this time around. I want my and Alex's relationship to be real you know? I want her to know that I'm as in this as she is. That I want us to work this time."

It took a while for Piper to see it, but she was finally realizing all the sacrificing Alex had done for her. Back when they were traveling, she had taken Piper along with her without a second thought. Dropping insane amounts of money to please the blonde. She had gotten in trouble with Kubra many times for being late or missing meetings because of Piper. Alex got herself starved out by Red for a few days for giving Piper a piece of cornbread when she was on an enforced diet by the same Russian woman. Piper learned after the fact that Alex didn't eat on Thanksgiving when she was in SHU for their dancing because Alex didn't feel right eating while Piper was locked up. And the brunette had almost gotten herself sent to SHU for confronting Doggett after Piper got sent down the hill. Even now with Alex on the outside everything she was doing was for Piper. There was a lot more she didn't know about Piper was sure, but Alex had sacrificed a lot for her. It was about time Piper did the same.

Sophia nodded. "Oh I know. You can only hide something for so long until you just can't do it anymore."

Piper nodded. She needed to tell her parents about Alex. She needed them not to hate her and blame her for Piper being in prison. Because honestly, it was the best thing to happen to Piper. For the first time in her life she got to be true to herself about who she was and what she wanted. She was no longer Piper the WASP. She was just Piper. She needed her parents to be okay with Alex because Piper didn't plan on spending the rest of her life with anyone else.


	17. Walls

Quotes from Alex and Pipers conversation in the season 2 finale. Finally got to the end of the show's timeline! Thank you for all the reviews/favorites/follows. I'm glad you all enjoy the story. lots of drama coming up. Not just this chapter, but in coming ones. But do we really expect any less from our favorite ladies of Litchfield?

* * *

"Are you sure?"

Piper mumbled softly at Nicky and nodded. Nicky placed a supportive hand on Piper's arm for a moment before walking off in the direction of the cafeteria.

Piper put the phone to her ear and took a deep breath. She would fully admit this was the cowards way of doing things, but Alex was coming to see her this weekend and she wasn't going to forgo a visit from her to have this conversation with her parents face to face. Well there was also the fact that she just plain didn't want to. But she wanted to have this conversation with them. She needed them to know about this part of her life.

"_Piper_?"

"Hi Mom."

"_Is everything alright? We haven't heard from you for a few weeks_."

Piper winced. She hadn't realized it had been so long since she had spoken to her parents. Thinking about it the last time was probably at her grandmothers funeral. "Yeah, you know, just busy." She only partly lied. She had been dealing with a lot so it wasn't a complete lie. She took a deep breath and dove right in. She told them about she and Larry being one-hundred percent over with no chance of getting back together. She told her mother how Polly and Larry's had visited her and claimed to be in love and that Polly had left Pete.

Her mother was speechless. Which, for Carol Chapman was saying something. "_You know, I never liked Larry._"

Piper's eyebrows shot up to her hairline. "You what? Mom you loved Larry."

"_No I loved the fact that Larry was the man who could give me grandchildren_."

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about-"

"_But let's be honest Piper_." Piper sighed. That was what she was trying to do. "_The man didn't have a job. He still doesn't have a job. The only thing he has done in his adult life is write a couple of articles. Of which, were about you. Without that nobody wants to hear what he has to say. He is a big Mama's boy. I'm surprised he could do his own laundry."_

Piper suppressed a chuckle. "He couldn't. I did."

"_Why does that not surprise me. Really Piper you can do so much better. Although I am surprised with Polly._"

Now was her chance. "That's what I want to talk to you about actually Mom. Is Dad there? He should hear this too and I can't say this more than once."

After some fumbling around, presumably from her mother trying to figure out how to use the speaker phone function Piper heard her father's voice. "_Piper_!" He greeted enthusiastically.

Piper smiled. "Hi Daddy."

"_What's up Pumpkin? You want to tell us something_?"

"Yes." Piper began with a deep breath. She hadn't worked out what she was going to say. She had tried, but nothing had sounded right so she had decided to just wing it. "Um, so you know I didn't stay with you while I was on furlough. . . I was with Alex." Still no response. "Alex Vause." Still silence through the line. "She's-"

"_Alex Vause_?" Her mother repeated. "_Isn't she that lesbian who got you into trouble_?"

Piper shrugged. "Technically, yes. But I've told you both she never made me do anything. She didn't even ask me to carry that bag. I volunteered."

"_She was the reason you were in that kind of situation to begin with_." Her father said.

Piper nodded. "I knew exactly what I was getting into." She said firmly. She knew how it looked from the outside. Someone took this innocent little Piper fresh out of college and got her involved in a life of crime. But that wasn't how it was. At all. Alex was right all those years ago. She did know exactly what she was getting into. But that was neither here nor there. She and Alex were together now without that world surrounding them.

"_Are you with her Piper_?"

Piper took a moment after her fathers question. "Yes."

"_Is she why you and Larry broke up_?"

"Originally, yes."

"_Is she still involved in that kind of life?_"

"No. She owns a nightclub now. It's doing very well. And she's working on a business degree." Piper answered her father proudly.

"_Do you love her_?"

Piper nodded. "Very much."

The line was quiet for a moment. She heard her father muttering something about lesbians still being able to have children, most likely at her mother's panic over the idea of not having grandchildren.

"_Does she make you happy Piper_?"

Piper choked back tears at her father's question. She could tell her father was trying. It had been quite adjustment for them before Piper had gone to prison. Learning all about Alex and the life she and Piper had both been involved with. "Yes. I know you two don't like her. She's done some messed up stuff. But she has paid the price for what she did and now she is trying to make something of herself. Which," She chuckled. "Is more than Larry ever did."

She heard her father's laugh through the phone. "_Larry was an ass_."

Piper smiled. "Yeah he was." She left out the part about her cheating on him and starting their fast snowball to breakup. That wasn't important for them to know. She was asking them to deal with something big enough. She needed to stay as close to the image of their perfect little girl as she could. Telling them she cheated on Larry wouldn't help them in accepting Alex. "I'm going to make a life with Alex once I'm out of here. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I need you both to be okay with this."

"We love you Piper." Her father finally said after moments of silence.

Piper smiled sadly. It was something. Piper wasn't sure if her mother was still in the room as she hadn't heard a word from her since she mentioned Alex. She knew her mother would be a challenge. Her father would be happy as long as Piper was happy. He wasn't who she was worried about. She was worried about her mother. Her unusually silent mother.

But it was a start. They didn't disown her or say they never wanted to hear from her again. It was a start. It was a lot to throw at them. She went from being engaged to a man to being a former lesbian who committed a crime to being a federal inmate to being back with the woman she committed the crime for. It was a lot to throw at two people who thought they knew their daughter. Her mother's silence cut deep like a knife. Piper hadn't expected them to both be excited at the idea of Alex, but the silence from her mother was worse than her yelling. But it was a start.

* * *

"I'm really fucking lonely, Piper." Alex explained. The past few days had crawled by with absolutely no positive change to her situation. She had come to Litchfield to visit Piper and say goodbye. She couldn't imagine leaving Piper, but she had to. If she didn't leave now she would end up leaving her in a body bag. Though both would permanently remove her from Piper's life. She wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms tightly around her love and ride off into the preverbal sunset. But happy endings didn't happen to people like Alex Vause. Her years with the cartel had royally fucked up her life. And honestly, if she had to go back she would do everything the exact same way too. As she said, she was a fuck up.

"Well I'm sure you'll find somebody to keep your bed warm." Piper sulked.

Alex let out a breath and shook her head. Her girlfriend sure knew how to hold a grudge. She got that Piper was angry, she understood that. She was angry and confused and lashing out. Alex knew that deep down Piper knew she was faithful to her. Prison was worse than high school and played on every insecurity you had. She lowered her voice to just above a whisper. "I sleep with a gun."

"You what?" Piper shot up in her chair. "Alex what the hell you're on probation?"

Alex explained about the cars and the guys outside of her apartment. She came clean about all of it; everything she had avoided telling Piper. She couldn't protect her from it anymore. About the many apartment changes she had made and about the steady stream of bouncers camping out in her living room. How one of them had gotten her a gun for protection. And about how scared she was. About how the dark or any little noise from the street made her break out into a cold sweat. About how the club wasn't safe to her anymore. All the people, the many potential threats and bodies too close to her own sent her into panic attacks.

She explained about her probation officer. How she begged him to do something - to protect her. But all he did was sit on his ass and eat swiss rolls. He could have her put into protective custody for her own safety or in Witness Protection or even put someone outside of her apartment, but he couldn't be bothered to lift a pen never mind make a phone call. "You'd think that part of his job would be protecting his probies, you know?" She looked down sadly. "Nobody gives a shit about ex cons."

Piper's heart broke for her girlfriend. She could tell by Alex's body language that the brunette was scared. And tired. Alex was paler than usual and Piper could see the makeup trying to cover her fear. It might have worked on anyone else, but she knew Alex. When she saw Alex during her furlough, she had her old spark back. She was that kick ass, take charge woman Piper had fallen in love with all those years ago. She had her confidence back. The Alex before her was quite the opposite. She was broken. "What are you going to do?"

Alex took a breath and cast a quick glance around the room. She hated that it had to come to this. She was leaving everything she knew and loved behind. She was leaving the love of her life behind. She did not take that lightly. But if she didn't leave she would die. "I'm skipping town."

"You can't." Piper protested as her heart shattered.

"I don't have a choice. These people know where I live. That's why I wanted to see you. When I go, Piper, I can't come back. When I go I have to just . . . disappear." She blinked a few times, desperately hoping the tears she felt stinging her eyes wouldn't fall. She needed to be strong. She needed to stick to her decision. It was the right thing for both of them. If, by some miracle, she stayed and lived until Piper got out then the blonde would be a target too. Alex wouldn't allow that.

Piper shook her head. She couldn't wrap her head around the situation. She and Alex had just finally gotten their shit together. She had finally admitted she had loved Alex those years they had been apart and how all she wanted was a future with the woman before her. Alex was the great love of her life! She couldn't leave. "You can't leave me."

"Piper I'm in danger."

"But I don't have anyone left."

"I'm sorry Piper. I'm sorry for all of it. I know that my track record is shit..." She paused a moment. She knew the tears were going to fall now and she couldn't stop them. "But I really do love you."

"Yeah, well I hate you." Piper shot back.

"No you don't."

"No." Piper looked away. "No I don't."

Alex looked away and backhanded the tears from her face. She had done enough crying before she got to the prison, she needed to be strong now. If she wasn't she would forget all about leaving and would stay. While that was all she wanted to do, it wasn't safe. It was only a matter of time until they killed her and she knew that. She couldn't even look at Piper. The hurt and sadness she saw in her love's eyes was too much to bare.

Piper looked down at her hands on the table. She had been in Alex's position before. When she left Alex in Paris she could barely look at the brunette because she knew that if she did she would have stayed. So she had focused on her anger. All of the times Alex had been called away in the middle of the night, all the days she spent alone wondering foreign cities, all of the cancelled dates and times she'd been stood up, all of it she kept at the forefront of her mind. It had been the only way she was able to leave Alex then. Because if she spent even half a second thinking about how much she loved the other woman or how her arms felt around her she wouldn't have been able to leave.

"I have Cal's number." Alex said. "I'll try to keep I'm contact with him. I'll get a burner cell or something. Piper . . . I can come back in fifteen months if you want me to. But then we have to disappear." She hadn't wanted to ask Piper to disappear with her. She wouldn't uproot the blonde and drag her off to undisclosed locations again. She couldn't drag her away from her family and friends; from the life she knew. But just as she had told Piper it was her decision to wait for Piper or not, this was Piper's decision.

"What about the trial, Alex? Kubra could go away and I could get out."

"Piper I don't have that long. There is a mark on my head and they won't stop until I'm gone one way or another."

"_'Above anything else you can trust I will stay with you.'_" Piper said softly, repeating Alex's words from just a couple of days before. Her face conveyed the complete and total betrayal she felt. "So much for loyalty. No-" She corrected. "No, so much for love. Just remember that you left me this time. You. Left. Me."

"Pipes-"

Piper held her hand up. "Just go. Leave me alone."

"Hey kid" Alex began softly, waiting until Piper's eyes met hers to continue. "Think of the story you'll have." She said with a sad smile.

Piper shook her head. "Fuck you." If Alex had to put her walls up around her heart to leave - Piper had to put her walls up to let her.


	18. No One Understands

Uh Oh dramarama. Don't hate me for it. But they're in prison. Drama is basically a food source there. Can't have everything be all butterflies and rainbows. Prison is a fish bowl and you can only go so long without exploding. And what Piper did was pretty messed up so I wanted to deal with that and have someone tell her as much.

As always, reviews are much cherished :)

* * *

Alex had cried the entire drive home. The entire drive. The brunette hadn't cried this much in the past ten years of her life and not it was all she seemed to be doing. But she was leaving the love of her life forever. It wasn't supposed to feel good. It was supposed to be hard. It was supposed to hurt. That's how you knew you belonged with that person. For once in her life Alex let herself be sad, she let herself hurt, she let herself cry. She would call Cal in fifteen months to see how Piper was and if she wanted to see her, but she knew Piper was done. If their situations had been reversed she would be too so she didn't really blame her.

Two people who love each other that much should be together. And in a perfect world, they would be. But Alex had spent years dealing heroin and even after paying the price and no longer being in the business it was too late. Alex was a smart girl. Even at twenty-one she had known what she was getting into. But being only twenty-one when Fahri recruited her, she was naive. She thought she would be able to make insane amounts of money, travel the world and still live her life. Well, slowly but surely heroin took her life away. Both by leaving little time for anything else and then when she had been using. Now, once again, her life was being taken over by heroin. And she hadn't even been near the stuff in a good while.

She couldn't leave today. No, she had to wait a while. She needed to watch her watchers. She needed to get their schedule down - when the men switched shifts, when the second car was there and when it wasn't, and she needed to get closer to see what they were doing in that car, what kind of surveillance equipment they had, what weapons. She had to be smart about this. She couldn't just pack a bag and take off. She'd be dead before she left the state.

Alex hadn't tracked anyone in a long time. Before she was promoted in the cartel to importing, she had been a tracker. That was, they used her to "track" discrepancies. If there was money missing somewhere or a shipment got lost, a drop didn't happen they sent Alex to find out who caused it. Alex always tried not to think about what happened to them after she turned their name over to Kubra._ "Sick, deep revenge."_

A pair of binoculars in hand, Alex parked herself beside her window. She would give herself a week to gather all the intel she could. Her bouncers would get the up close information she needed as there was no way she would be able to get that close. Once the week was up she had to leave.

"Hey boss." One of the bouncers offered as a sort of greeting as he entered the living room. They'd just had a shift change and he knew Alex always wanted to know who was there at any given time. Alex nodded her own greeting. "You know boss, we could always kill him."

An ice cold chill ran up Alex's spine. She had done a lot of illegal shit in her life, but murder was a whole other ball game. She'd always said she would only ever consider ending another life if it was a matter of her or them. She sighed. It looked like they were there.

* * *

Nicky sat quietly beside her friend. She wanted to help her, she did. But they had just watched Lorna be ripped from her bed and hauled down to SHU. She left the van with the keys in the ignition and that was how Miss Rosa had been able to escape. For that she had to be punished. No one knew much of the specifics, but the people who knew Lorna best know that she had left that van on purpose. The woman was a bit crazy, but she had a heart of gold. No one blamed her for freeing Rosa from dying in prison.

Piper quietly reached out and took Nicky's hand in her own. Despite how good she claimed to be at shutting people off, Piper knew she cared deeply for Lorna. She was probably even still in love with her Piper figured. Nicky looked up and offered Piper a sad smile. They were both missing the women they loved and could use whatever support the other offered. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Nicky raised an eyebrow. "Do you?"

Piper looked away. She had never felt like more of a shifty human being. And that's saying something since she left the love of her life the same day her mother died. She hadn't even needed to beg Polly to call Alex's PO. It had been surprisingly easy. Polly knew she had a LOT to make up to Piper for and Piper took advantage of that. Exes were off limits, that was the girl code. Especially when the breakup had been as messy and as complicated as Piper and Larry's had been. You never went after a past love interest of a friend - especially your best friend.

Piper didn't know when she became this person that would turn in the woman she loved, but she didn't like it.

Alex's life was in danger and Piper all but made sure she would get thrown back in prison. She was worried about Alex's safety, of course. She had nightmares since Alex told her she was leaving where she would wake up in a cold sweat after seeing Alex killed in great detail. The manner in which she died always changed, but the end result has always the same. Piper would see Alex killed right in front of her, but was powerless to stop it. Sometimes she was just too late and others there was someone or something holding her back as she watched the life taken from Alex. She would run to her and just before she got to Alex she would wake up. Sometimes on her own and sometimes it was Nicky who woke her because she was screaming in her sleep. She was in the next cube so it was easy for her to get to Piper quick to wake her before she woke the whole dorm up.

But that wasn't the only reason Piper made that call. She also couldn't live without Alex. Not again. Being separated because of prison was one thing. But like hell she would let Alex run off into the shadows and leave her. It was a panic reaction. Alex told her she was leaving and Piper had panicked. Not right away. Part of her didn't think Alex would actually leave. But after a few days of Alex not answering her calls and then this morning she'd gotten a letter back she had sent to Alex marked 'return to sender' with a note on it saying the recipient was no longer at that address. She'd panicked.

She hadn't done it out of revenge for Alex getting her put in prison in the first place or for Chicago or for Alex deciding to leave or anything else. She hadn't done what she did to get even with Alex or because she was mad. Honestly, she wasn't exactly sure why she did if she was completely honest with herself. She made the call to Polly before she thought about the consequences. She was fucked up. She panicked. No one understood why Piper Chapman did things. Least of all Piper Chapman.

Alex had once told her that life gets messy sometimes and you can't always fix it. Piper wasn't so sure that life just got messy. More like the people living it made it messy.

She looked up to see Nicky still looking at her. "No." She finally answered. "I don't want to talk about it."

* * *

The days ticked by without any significant incident. They'd hired a few new guards since the incidents with Miss Rosa and Vee. The inmates heard through their connections on the outside that Vee had been found dead on the side of a road only a few miles from the prison of a hit and run. They all secretly, well not so secretly actually, hoped that Miss Rosa had been the one to do it, but no one could be sure. Miss Rosa remained on the run. Everyone hoped she had found a safe place to go and was living out her last few weeks on her terms. An inmate who worked janitorial had found some papers in Caputo's trash about a possible 'compassionate release' for Miss Rosa dated the day before she escaped. No doubt covering their asses by saying she was released the day before she escaped. It was cleaver actually. She wasn't a threat to anyone. She just wanted to die in peace.

"I don't think she's coming back."

"Good!" Nicky said with a shake of her head. She still didn't understand how Piper could have done that. "Hopefully she got out of town before her PO came 'round and is halfway to Thailand or something." She turned back to her cards and set two down on the table between them.

"Cambodia." Piper said. "She'd go to Cambodia."

"Wherever." Nicky shrugged. "Ratting her out was fucked and you know it."

"She did the same thing to me." Piper protested. "She's the whole fucking reason I'm in here."

Nicky looked at Piper for a moment before shaking her head. "You two are fucking perfect for each other."

"Her life is in danger Nicky-"

Nicky held her hand up. "Save it for her if you ever see her again maybe she will believe you. But, in my, experience, she can smell bullshit ten miles away so you might wanna work on that."

"Whose side are you on?" Piper snapped, throwing her cards down on the table. She felt guilty enough without having her closest friend on the inside, or out really as she and Polly weren't speaking aside from that call, being on her case too.

Nicky gave Piper a look. "You potentially took her freedom away. And for what, because you missed her?"

"Nicky, she did the same fucking thing to me!"

"Yeah, she's the reason you're here I heard you. She turned you in, I get it. But how long ago was that Chapman?" Piper cringed. So she was _Chapman_ now. Since they'd become close friends Nicky flip flopped between calling her Piper and Chapman. The latter usually reserved for when Piper was being, in Nicky's opinion, a_ 'giant jack ass_.' "And how long had it been since you'd seen her? You two weren't together. But this, this is fucked. You two are supposed to be together. You don't do this to your girlfriend who you claim to love. This . . . This isn't love."

That was it. Piper had had it. She didn't need a lecture. Least of all a lecture on love from Nicky. "Who the hell are you to tell anyone what love is?!" She snapped. She knew what she did wasn't fair. She got that. But what Alex did wasn't fair either. She took Piper's life away. Piper's good life. Yes, granted what Alex did had brought them back together. It brought them back together and made Piper realize who she truly was and what she really wanted and for that she was thankful. Because of Alex they were back together. Piper sighed. Okay, so what she did was fucked. She would admit that. But she didn't need the lecture. Alex had fucked up Piper's life just as much as Piper fucked up hers. She was probably off in Cambodia doing X on a beach while Piper was sitting in prison. With more time thanks to Alex. "You go around here fucking anyone who looks at you more than once. You're pinning after a woman who has a fiancé - No, a woman who _had_ a _made-up_ fiancé and still didn't want you. What the fuck do you know about love?"

Nicky stared at Piper just blinking. Piper realized too late that she had crossed a line. Her cursing case of foot in mouth disease. Nicky got up silently and walked to the doorway of the rec room. She turned to look back at Piper quickly before she left. Piper saw that there had been tears in her eyes. She let her head fall down to the table with a loud _thud_.

No one understood why Piper Chapman did things. Least of all Piper Chapman.


	19. Terrible Thing

A lot going on in this chapter. I originally had a different name in mind for Alex' smother that would have come into play way in the future, but I looked it up and her mother is actually a named character not just credited as "Alex's Mother" or anything, so I used her actual name given by the show.

Thank you so much for all the new favorites and follows and of course, the reviews! They all mean a lot to me. Thank you all for reading my little fic here. I truly enjoy writing it so I am glad you enjoy reading it.

The next chapter I cannot wait for. I think you've all been waiting for it ;). The more reviews, the faster I post it!

* * *

Alex took a deep breath as she rounded a corner and came upon her destination. She closed her eyes briefly, taking in all the smells that reminded her of home. The various apartment buildings she had grown up in were just a few blocks away and the house she had bought for her mother after she started moving up in the cartel was a little further away, but more or less in the same area. As much as Alex had tried to get her to move to a better area, her mother wanted to stay where she had spent most of her life.

Alex had often run around through the familiar paths of the cemetery as a child. She didn't have many friends and it was something to do rather than sit in an empty apartment while her mother worked.

She knelt down beside the unfamiliar tombstone. Honestly the only time she had been here was for her mother's funeral. It had been too hard for her to visit again. Both emotionally and because she'd been so busy working. "Hey mom."

Alex took a breath and ran her fingertips over the lettering on the stone in front of her.

_Diane Vause_

_Beloved daughter, mother, sister and friend_

"Sorry I don't visit much." She said with a sad chuckle. "I know you know this by now, but I was in deep Ma. I dealt heroin. Well, not even." She corrected. "I imported large amounts of heroin." She sighed. "I never told you because I knew you'd be disappointed in me. You worked so hard to give me everything I needed when I was little. You didn't raise me to be that person. But I saw how hard you worked. Sometimes two or three jobs in a day and I told myself that would never be me. . . Well, it sure wasn't."

Alex paused a moment, looking over the rows and rows of headstones. "I was really good at it though. But it did nothing other than fuck up my life. I went to prison. Which, honestly was pretty fucking terrible. It made me lose Piper. You remember her..." She smiled, remembering the few times she had brought Piper home. She was the only person Alex had ever introduced to her mother. The elder Vause had taken to Piper immediately. "I was so in love with her, Mom. _Am_ so I love with her." She corrected. "We're back together now. _Were_ back together." She corrected. "It's complicated."

Alex could all but hear her mother laugh at that.

_"Alex it's not complicated."_

_"Mom!" Alex protested, but her mother held her hand up._

_"Alex you love this woman. I can see it in your eyes. Your face lights up when you talk about her. I have never seen you this happy. And I can tell Piper feels the same way. She looks at you like ..." Diane trailed off. She wasn't as well read as her daughter and didn't know all those fancy or romantic words to describe it. "Like the sun shines out your ass. Look, she is clearly crazy about you and you feel the same way. It's not complicated, Alex. It's love. It's the easiest and most natural thing in the world if you let it be. Don't fuck it up."_

"I did fuck it up Ma. I fucked it up big time. I got her sent to prison and then there's Chicago..." She trailed off. If there was a Heaven, and she was undecided on if she believed there was, but if there was she knew her Mom was up there and knew everything already. "But I did keep her safe. Problem is, I put myself in a lot of danger. They're after me Ma. I have to go away. I have to just disappear. And that means leaving Piper. It's only been a week since I've seen her and it's already killing me. So, you see, it really is complicated."

Alex looked away and backhanded the tears from her face. "She called my probation officer. He's been showing up at my apartment or the club all the time trying to catch me doing something." She didn't have any concrete proof Piper had called him, but the blonde was the only person Alex had told about her plans to skip town and the 'random' visits from her PO started not long after that. After only ever seeing him on her weekly visits and knowing he was a lazy fuck, Alex had put two and two together. "I can't blame her. I'm the reason she's in prison in the first place."

Honestly she was mad. No, she was so far beyond mad there wasn't even a word for it. She had fucked Piper over too she wouldn't deny that, but that was before they had reconciled. Things were finally good with them and then Piper went and did this to her? Granted, she had told Piper she was leaving all but abandoning the other woman. But hadn't Piper done the same thing? Alex shook the thoughts from her head. One day they would get it right. One day.

"I can't say that I'll be back because I honestly don't know if I will. But I had to come and say goodbye." It still haunted her to this day that she had never been able to say goodbye before her mother died. She had been thousands of miles away in Paris. She had spared no expense for her mother's funeral or her burial, but it didn't make up for anything. With a final look at her mother's stone Alex got up and walked away. "Goodbye Mom."

* * *

Piper had given Nicky a few days to cool off. She knew she crossed a line. What she said was uncalled for and cruel. She hadn't meant any of it. Nicky had been there for her more times than she could count. If there was ever anything wrong or she was sad or mad, needed to cry or laugh she knew Nicky would be there. Nicky would help her and not expect anything in return. The crazy haired woman had a heart of gold. She would go above and beyond for her _family_.

It had been three days and Nicky no longer flipped Piper off whenever she saw her, moved to another table in the cafeteria or volunteered to work the cage in electrical just so she wouldn't have to be sent on any jobs with Piper. In prison that was as good as admitting defeat. You couldn't hold a grudge against your family in here. You couldn't hold a grudge because you needed them. Even if you wanted to kill them, you needed them. So murder would have to wait.

It was Saturday so there was no work and the inmates were free to do whatever they wanted within the walls of the prison. Piper popped her head over the wall separating her and Nicky's cube. The other woman was laying on her bunk listening to music. Piper had nothing to offer Nicky in place of an apology, but she knew Nicky wouldn't want anything. No one had heard what Piper said so, unlike Red and the whole food fiasco, she knew Nicky wouldn't need anything she could turn over in her hands or anything public. A true heartfelt apology would work.

Piper slowly knocked on the outside of Nicky's cube and stood silently until the other woman noticed her. It took a few moments with the music in her ears blasting, but Nicky eventually noticed the blonde at her doorway and sat up, pulling her earbuds out as she did. Piper sat down on the bunk across from Nicky. She crossed her legs slowly as she waited for Nicky to look up at her. Almost as if any sudden move would make the woman in front of her bolt or yell or remember she was mad at Piper. "I don't ..." Piper began, trying to figure out what she needed to say. "I don't-"

"Know what to say?" Nicky offered.

Piper sighed. "That, and I don't have a good reason why I said those things."

"Look Blondie, you were upset."

"I was, but that's no reason for me to be cruel to you. I know that you have a huge heart, Nicky. I had absolutely no right to say that you didn't know anything about love. You know way more than I do."

Nicky slowly nodded. "Thanks."

"I am truly sorry, Nicky." It wasn't much, but it was all Piper had to offer the other woman. She had been doing a lot of soul searching in the past few days. She was a horrible, horrible person and did horrible things to the people she loved. She didn't know exactly how to stop, but she was going to try. She needed to stop hurting those closest to her. The people in her life weren't her family. In her family people did horrible things to each other all the time, but no one got mad or hurt or seemed to care. They just swept it under the rug and moved on as if everything was fine. Piper couldn't keep doing that. She needed to become a better person than she was raised to be. Starting by taking responsibility for her actions and learning not to keep doing the things that hurt people.

"Just because you did a terrible thing, it doesn't mean you're a terrible person."

Piper smiled across at her crazy haired friend - her best friend at this point. With that last sentence Piper knew all was forgiven. She was surprisingly insightful, Nicky. Piper sometimes forgot that they had a pretty similar upbringings of privilege. But that statement was more than about what Piper did to Nicky. It was also about what she did to Alex. For that matter, it was about everyone with them in Litchfield. As Piper got to know the women she was incarcerated with more and more she knew that was true. They all did bad things, but they weren't bad people.

"There is something I have to tell you though." Nicky began softly, pulling a newspaper out from beneath her mattress. She already had it folded to the article she wanted Piper to read. "I recognized the address." Sometimes if Piper wanted to get a run in before work in the morning she would give Nicky her outgoing mail to drop off on her way to breakfast.

Piper cautiously took the paper and looked over the article. She read a few parts aloud. "'_No suspects yet in Queens apartment fire'_ . . . _'Reports point to arson'_ . . . _'Apartment 14B completely doused in accelerant, but further testing needed to determine the exact kind'_ . . . _'Most residents accounted for' . . . 'Search for bodies is on-going.'_"

Nicky took the paper from Piper and pulled the shocked blonde into her tight embrace. "Alex was not in there do you hear me? She is not dead. She's smart. She got out. Alex wasn't there."

But Piper didn't hear a word Nicky said. 14B was Alex's apartment. One look at the picture the article included and you could tell that even if there was a body in there it wouldn't be recognizable among all the ash and debris. It took a few minutes before the shock wore off and Piper completely lost it.


	20. Not all Bad

Mid-week chapter update! Thank you so much for all the reviews and favorites/follows. I love writing this story and I'm glad you all like reading it. I'm also currently in the middle of chapter 24, but have a serious case of writer's block. So hopefully that goes away soon! I think I just have too many ideas and am having trouble sifting through them all and placing them in the right places. But, finally Alex is back and our girls are together...YAY! But don't expect things to be good for a while.

* * *

"The fuck Piper?!"

Piper jumped, causing the letters she was reading for the tenth time that day to fall to her lap. She looked up to see her raven haired girlfriend quickly walking toward her. Piper's face lit up. She was so relieved. Alex was there! Alive! Polly had actually done it. Even though she said she would call Alex's PO Piper only half believed she actually would. Or that she would make the call before Alex disappeared. And then with the article Piper had read in the newspaper about Alex's apartment she had feared the worst. Especially as the days ticked by and Alex hadn't returned. But Alex was there and she was safe! She hadn't gone to Cambodia or Thailand or anywhere else. She was there. Piper wanted to jump up and wrap her arms as tightly around her girlfriend as she could, but Alex was livid.

"Is this fucking payback for getting you thrown in here in the first place?"

"Alex-"

"Tell me it wasn't you Pipes?!" Alex begged, sadness showing through her voice. "Please tell me you didn't do this?!" Piper looked at Alex for a minute. The betrayal on the brunettes face causing her to look away. "You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Alex seethed.

"Inmates!" A guard warned. "You're out of bounds inmate." He added, seeing Alex's orange outfit. The only inmates in orange had only just come in an hour prior. You weren't allowed in the dorms until you were assigned to a dorm. Of which Alex hadn't been yet.

Alex grabbed Piper's hand and pulled her up and off of her bunk. She lead them from Piper's cube and down to the chapel, making sure to close and lock the door behind herself. "Was it too much for you that I got out? That I got to shower in an actual shower with a door and hot water? Was that too much for you? Or were you afraid I'd find someone better than you out there and forget all about you? That then you would really have no one?"

"Alex I did it to protect you." Piper explained, ignoring Alex's hurtful words. The woman before her was rightly angry and just throwing words out before she even thought about them. Piper was just glad that Alex was alive. There were tears streaming down her cheeks and all she wanted was to hold Alex. To know that she was real. That she was really there and not some drug induced delusion. She wasn't an idiot, she knew Nicky had been slipping her something to chill her out.

"Bullshit! You did it because you were jealous that I got out and you fucking didn't. You just didn't want to be alone in here. Well you know what Piper, now you have two years and I have _six fucking years_ left in this hell hole!"

"Would you rather spend six years in here and then have your life back? Or be dead."

"Honestly Piper..." Alex trailed off. She honestly wasn't sure which scenario was preferable at the moment. "You brought me back here so that you wouldn't be alone. What happens when you're out and I'm alone for the next four years, huh? What happens to me then?"

"There's still the new trial, Alex. We will figure something out."

"Like what?" Alex asked in pure awe. She would never have believed Piper would ever have done anything this cruel. Especially not to her. "How can you tell someone you love them and then turn around and fucking do this to them?"

Piper shook her head. "You did the same fucking thing to me."

"That was back when I hadn't seen you in eight fucking years Piper! I hadn't just visited you and told you how much I fucking loved you. That yes, I had to go away for a little while, but I told you I would be back for you when your sentence was over!"

Piper looked away. There was no excuse for what she had done. Alex had every right to be angry with her. What she did was selfish and cruel, but she hadn't don't entirely for herself. Not entirely. She wanted Alex back. But she was also concerned with the brunette's safety and what would happen to her if she stayed out. If she would be harmed or get back into dealing drugs or doing drugs. How many times had she moved and yet Kubra kept finding her? She looked up at Alex and spoke softly. "We are in a relationship-"

"A relationship?!" Alex repeated with an angry chuckle. "You took my freedom away yet we're in a relationship?!"

"Yes, a relationship." Piper stated, standing her ground. "And you do not leave the person you are in a relationship with when things-"

"You left when my mom died! My life was in fucking danger out there, Piper!" She threw her arms up in the air and walked a little way away from Piper. Her tone softened a bit. She and Piper had both done enough damage to one another. "Did I or did I not make it clear to you from the start that I don't know how to do relationships?" Alex said in her own defense. "'_Rules aren't any fun_.' You said that to me Piper!"

"See, and I did believe that after your girlfriend broke my fucking cheekbone. But then when we were together traveling the world you were fucking amazing Alex! . . What, was that just because I was there to be used however and whenever you wanted?"

Alex took a step back. Piper's words physically hit her like a slap in the face. She may have slept around and used women for her own enjoyment before Piper, but the one thing she made sure everyone knew was that Piper was different. Her relationship with Piper was different. She tried to make sure Piper always knew that as well. That what they had had was special and unique and the only relationship like that Alex had ever had.

Piper shook her head and apologized. "I didn't mean that."

Alex looked away, willing the tears not to show. She was beyond angry at Piper, but the blonde's words stung hard. "You were my whole world." She said sadly.

Piper took steps closer to Alex, trying to close the distance. But Alex took a step back only letting Piper get so close. "I know I was."

"I thought we were done hurting each other?"

"So telling me to lie on the stand, coaching me on my testimony and then doing the complete opposite of what you told me to do isn't hurting me? Getting a fucking gun when you're on probation and you told me you wouldn't do illegal shit isn't hurting me? Skipping town and leaving isn't hurting me?"

"I didn't have a fucking choice Piper! It came down at the last minute. I was literally stepping into the courtroom when my lawyer pulled me back and told me. I did it because you told me you were going to tell the truth! So then nothing would have happened if we had both told the truth! We both would have gotten the same deal!"

"You told me to lie!" Piper protested.

"And you said '_no_'" Alex reminded her. "I didn't do any of this to hurt you. I'd assumed you were going to tell the truth because that's what you fucking told me you were going to do!"

"Yeah, well I didn't."

"Clearly." Alex deadpanned. "I thought we were over this."

"You got me to carry a suitcase full of drug money, Alex. After I specifically told you numerous times that I would never do anything!"

"You volunteered! What are you saying then? Your word is shit?"

Piper let out a frustrated breath. "No. My word is fucking gold until you come in and convince me to go against my better judgement. That's the whole reason I'm even here Alex."

"No one made you carry that bag."

"I know I know, no one held a fucking gun to my head." She spat. "I did what I did to help you. I did then and I did now. Whether you believe it or not."

"Yeah fucking right." Alex scoffed and shook her head. Taking a few steps up and down the isle they were standing on.

"Have you read the fucking paper lately Alex? Watched the fucking news? Believe it or not I saved your life. Your building burned down. On, what I'm guessing, was just a few hours after you were arrested. Do you think that's a fucking coincidence? And you know what happened? After they put the fire out and investigated that they found that your apartment had been sealed shut - windows, doors. You wouldn't have been able to get out. Thankfully no one else was in the building, but you would be dead right now, Alex. I'm so sorry for saving your life!"

With that Piper stormed out of the chapel. She returned a second later and threw a newspaper at Alex. "You're fucking welcome. I know you think that I think the world revolves around me, but for once in my fucked up life I did something for someone else. I did this for you because I give a shit if you live or die. Because I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I could have done something to protect you. To save your fucking life. Which, it looks like I did. So I am sorry that the way to do that involved getting you thrown back in here. I truly am. But you are safe. And you are alive. And I'm not sorry for that."

The blonde was livid right now too. She was over the moon at the fact that Alex was alive, but didn't want to be arguing about this when all she could think was that Alex was alive. She had done a terrible thing, but Alex was alive because of it. She was alive! And that made Piper happier than she could even explain and all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around Alex and never let go. But the brunette wouldn't let Piper get close enough. With a sad look she walked out of the chapel leaving Alex with her thoughts.

Alex threw the paper to the side as she continued pacing the isle. She was so angry with Piper. She had no right to mess with her freedom like that. Yes, Alex had done the same thing to her, but that was before they had reconnected. This was completely different. After a few minutes of cooling off, curiosity got the better of her and she reached for the paper Piper had thrown her. She flipped through until she came to the small article about her building. "Shit!" She cursed.

* * *

"Jesus! Fuck!"

"Do you need to be alone right now?"

Alex looked over to the doorway where Nicky stood. She threw her battered pillow down on her bunk. Poor thing had been beaten half to death. Alex honestly didn't care that half of the stuffing was now floating around the room. She had survived without a mattress, she could survive without a pillow. Besides, punching it made her feel better and her hands as already too bruised from punching walls. It was a softer alternative. "No, you can come in."

"Why thank you." Nicky said with a snicker as she crossed further into the room Alex was currently in. "Any idea when they're assigning you?"

Alex shook her head. "'_When they get around to to._'" Was what she had been told my one of the COs. "Probably waiting to see who I hate the most so they can bunk me with her."

"So they'll be putting you in with Chapman then, huh?" She asked, plopping herself down on Alex's bunk.

Alex rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I don't hate Piper." She sighed and sat down beside Nicky.

"Well you're not exactly her biggest fan."

"Not at the moment, no." Alex admitted. "But I don't hate her."

"She ratted you out to your PO."

"Oh I know. I know exactly what she did, believe me." The anger that flashed across Alex's eyes was like none Nicky had seen in the other woman before.

Nicky leaned back against the wall and pulled her legs up to her chest, studying Alex for a minute. "You two confuse me."

Alex laughed and nodded. "We confuse me too." She took a deep breath and leaned back, mimicking Nicky's position. "I can't explain it Nick. There's just this connection we have."

"But all you two do is screw each other over."

"And still that connection is there." Alex explained. "That's got to mean something, right?"

Nicky shrugged. "I guess. Fuck if I know."

Alex let out a long, slow breath. "But for some reason we can't stop fucking each other over."

"Just to recap" Nicky began. "Let's just start with you. So you ratted her out to the Feds and got her thrown in this shithole and then you told her to lie in Chicago when she wanted to tell the truth and then instead you told the truth and got out and she lied and got an extra seven months added to her sentence. Oh, but if we go back even further you made her carry a bag of drug money."

"I didn't make her." Alex said in here she of herself. "She volunteered."

"Be that as it may it was because of you she did that. So that's what? Three for you?"

"Four." Alex corrected. "I was also planning on running out on her."

"Yeah, but your life was in danger. Big guys with guns wanted to kill you."

Alex nodded. "Piper doesn't see it that way."

"Well that's because Piper has her head too far up her own ass to see anything clearly." She said with a laugh. She loved her friend dearly, but the girl was too self absorbed. Everything was about her. "So we will say four for you then."

Alex nodded. "Why the fuck not."

"And for Piper...I know she left you in Paris."

"Is there anything you don't know?"

Nicky smirked. "Very little my friend, very little." She cast Alex a quick wink. "Then she rekindled whatever you two have only to dump you again and choose Larry. Uh...Then there's her freaking out and taking you off her visitation lost and whatnot. And then getting you thrown back in here with the rest of us assholes."

Alex shrugged. "Sounds about right."

"Four for four my friend. I think you both can stop now. Call it fucking even." Nicky looked over at Alex. "She thought you were dead." She said with a softer tone.

"What?"

Nicky picked up the paper that had been lying on Alex's bed. "The fire." Nicky added. "She thought you were dead. I had to trade a few people for enough happy pills to knock her out for a while. She was a fucking mess. Slept for three days straight after though."

Alex sighed sadly. "And if she had called my PO solely because she thought my life was in danger or she knew that fire was gonna happen that would be one thing. But that's not the reason she did it Nicky."

"No." Nicky agreed. "But it was part of it. A big part. She was really worried about you. You didn't know how worried because she tried to stay positive for you. You did the same thing for her too. Neither of you told the other how scared you were. But I saw the mess she was. Honestly, how much longer do you think you would have survived out there? Even if you did manage to run, how long would it have been until they found you?"

Alex shook her head and shrugged. "I don't know."

"We both know how these drug dealers can be. They have people everywhere. You and I both know that if you did get out you would be hiding for the rest of your life. You would still be changing apartments every other week, moving to a new city, getting a new name. How long could you keep that up?"

"I could have done it Nicky."

"Oh yeah?" Nicky challenged.

Alex looked over at her for a moment before looking away again. Skipping town would have bought her a little more time. Maybe a year or two at most. But she knew that wasn't a situation she would be making it out of alive. "I used to think that we're in control of our own lives. But now . . ." She shook her head sadly. "Now I think that life just happens and all we have control over is how we deal with it."

"Wow." Nicky began, pausing a beat. "That's deep Vause." Alex smiled sadly. "Don't take life too seriously my friend. No one gets out alive. Look . . ." Nicky began again, softer this time. "I know what Piper did was fucked up. I know that and she does too. But she was scared. I know you have this issue with needing to control everything, but get over it. This is life. You can't control everything. Yes it sucks being in here. But you're alive. You're safe - relatively speaking. And you're feet away from the woman you love. Better make the most of it." She leaned over and bumped Alex's shoulder. "We're not all bad in here."


	21. See Ya Around, Kid

I am having an EXTREMELY hard time writing right now. Major case of writer's block. I suppose I had it coming. I got through 24 chapters relatively quickly. I'm praying to the writing gods that it passes quickly and some inspiration comes. Maybe my muse just wanted a little summer vacation.

Anywho, thank you all so much for your reviews! I love each and every one! Hopefully you all enjoy this chapter as much as the previous :)

* * *

"When is this gonna stop, Pipes?" Alex asked with sadness in her eyes. "When are we going to stop lying and seeking revenge and just fucking hurting each other?" She sat down beside Piper on her bunk. It had been two weeks since Alex had returned to Litchfield and the pair had been avoiding each other like the plague. Alex was still angry, but had had plenty of time to cool down. Although she did still punch the occasional wall.

"God I hope soon." Piper chuckled sadly, tucking something under her pillow.

Alex nodded and let out a long, slow breath. She looked over at Piper and reached over, grabbing whatever it was Piper was trying to hide under her pillow. "You kept these?" She asked, pulling out the pile of letters she'd sent Piper when she had been out.

"Of course I did." Piper said. "I mean I didn't read them for a while. Well, I read the one on Valentine's Day that's how I got your number, but..." She trailed off. "I read them after." She'd been too hurt by Alex's betrayal to read them when they'd originally arrived, Alex knew. If the roles had been reversed she wouldn't have read them either. "They smelled like you."

Alex smiled. "I sprayed them with that perfume of mine you always loved."

Piper smiled. "I know."

"So, cards on the table." Alex began repeating a conversation they'd had before on a similar bunk. "I'm a ruthless pragmatist who sold you out and then lied about it. . . Then I told you to lie at the trial while I took a deal to tell the truth that let me out." Piper gave Alex a look. "And I got a gun while on probation when I told you I'd stay away from illegal shit." Piper continued to stare at the brunette. "And I was planning on skipping town."

Piper gave Alex a slight nod. "And I'm an emotionally manipulative narcissist who bailed on you when your mother died." She began. "And then I started up whatever...thing we had in here only to choose someone else and leave you again. Then I ratted you out to your PO so that you would be thrown back in here."

"We suck." Alex said, repeating her earlier words to the blonde months ago. "We can't keep going around on this fucking merry-go-round."

"I know." Piper agreed. "But what do we do?"

Alex sighed and leaned back against the wall. "I wish I knew." She shook her head. "I am so angry with you Piper. I don't . . . Honestly I don't even want to be talking to you right now."

Piper slowly nodded and looked away. She more than deserved that. "So why are you?"

"It's been two weeks." Alex shrugged. She had never been one to hold a grudge. But Piper had really hurt her so she had needed some time to think and process everything. Not to mention grieve the loss of her freedom. She had been trying so hard to make something of herself since getting out of prison and now here she was back at square one. "What was it you said before? . . I love you and I fucking hate you?"

Piper nodded sadly. "Yeah."

"And Nicky told me I had to."

"Yeah." Piper's started with a chuckle. "She does that."

_"Whoa whoa whoa whoa Vause!" Nicky said, running up to Alex and grabbing hold of her arm to stop her from punching the wall. She didn't release Alex until she got the brunette sitting down away from the wall. "What is it with you and walls?"_

_Alex winced as she cradled her wounded hand._

_"Better a wall than Chapman's face." Nicky joked._

_Alex shook her head. "I don't know what to do Nicky. How can you hate someone and be so fucking in love with them at the same time?"_

_"I don't know." Nicky sighed. "The heart is a complicated thing my friend." Nicky lied. She knew exactly what it was like to hate someone yet love them at the same time. "But what I do know," She __began as she pulled a chair over. "Is that you need to talk to her."_

_Alex shook her head. "No."_

_"What good is punching a wall doing?"_

_"It makes me feel better." Alex said with a slight smirk. She knew she sounded like a child._

_"Now Alex...we need to use our words." Nicky joked. If Alex was going to act like a child she would talk to her like one. "Seriously though, talk to her. Nothing is going to be solved by breaking your hand. Maybe you talk and realize you can't fix things. Or maybe you talk and do manage to somehow, by the grace of god, fix this clusterfuck of a relationship. Whatever the case, you need to talk to her. Nothing is going to be accomplished by punching walls. It's been two weeks. I know it is killing you not talking her. You spent months apart when you couldn't see her and now she is right here and you're choosing not to? Get over your shit and talk to your girlfriend."_

"I know I was doing a lot at once out there." Alex began again after she took a moment to calm herself. "But I wasted so much of my life. I wanted to make up for it. I wanted to have something to show for all this work I was doing. I needed to have something to show for myself before I turned fucking forty! I was doing this for you - for us Piper! And you took that from me!" She looked over at Piper with an unreadable expression on her face. She was angrier at Piper than she had ever been. And rightfully so, but another part of her had to fight off a smile whenever she saw the blonde's face or heard her voice or they accidentally brushed past one another. She was happy to be with Piper again but incredibly hurt by the betrayal. "Sometimes I'm so happy to turn a corner and see your face or hear your voice, but others-"

"But others those same sights and sounds make you want to scream." Piper finished. She knew exactly what Alex was feeling. She had been there when she first learned Alex was the reason she was in prison. "I know."

Alex nodded and held her hand out for Piper to see. Her knuckles were bruised and bloody. "I punched a wall. A few walls."

Piper took Alex's hand in her own and placed a soft kiss on the swollen knuckles. There was nothing she could say to make anything better between them. It was her fault. If only she had had her change of heart before she betrayed the love of her life. She had realized too late what kind of person she was. "I wish I could go back and change things Al, but I can't. All I can say is how sorry I am. I had no right to mess with your freedom like this. To take it away completely...it was cruel. And you're right. I was jealous. I was jealous you were out and I wasn't. I was jealous you were out there making something of yourself while I sat in here. I was jealous I was missing out on everything with you. I was angry at the whole situation. I was scared for you. I. . . ." She trailed off. There weren't any words that she hadn't already said. "I fucked up."

_Piper looked around the room as she waited for the doctor to finish up the paperwork she was working on. She had never seen this doctor before. She had never seen a point to it. She didn't have any psychiatric issues. She wasn't depressed or anxious, well, she was, but not to the level where she thought she needed medication. But she was hurting that much was clear. And she was lashing out and hurting the people close to her. Piper didn't think that she needed medication, but she definitely needed some tools to deal with her feelings. _

_"So Piper," The doctor began. "You've been here for a while now and this is the first time I've seen you. Is there something that has changed in your personal life? Or have things finally hit you?"_

_Piper looked across at the doctor. She wasn't sure if she could help with the issues Piper was having, but she was serious about turning over a new leaf and needed some help. Even if the doctor only gave her some ideas on how to change her behavior. "I keep hurting the people close to me."_

_"How so?"_

_Piper sighed. This is why she didn't go to therapy. She hated all the self examination. It was emotionally painful. "I cheated on my fiancé; with the woman I've been in love with for the past ten years. I told __the love of my life I chose someone else. I've been lashing out at Nicky and she doesn't deserve that. I had my best friend call Alex's PO and now she's back here." _

_The doctor was silent as she tried to jot all of that down. She took a breath and looked up at Piper. "I hear a lot of "I" statements here. Do you think about anyone else before you do these things?" Piper shook her head. "Do you think at all before you did any of these things?"_

_Piper shook her head again. "Not really. Well," She thought a moment. "When I told Alex that I chose Larry I thought about how with him I could go back to my life before I came in here. Back to my home, my friends...With Alex, although I feel so much more for her than I ever did Larry, everything would be different."_

_"Different bad or different good?"_

_Piper shrugged. "Just different."_

_"So you were scared?" Piper nodded and the doctor wrote a few more things on her pad of yellow paper. "It's very common for prison to make every feeling you have worse. Anger, fear, and for those feelings to override your rational mind and make you act in ways you normally wouldn't if you weren't in prison. But, you are in prison, so we need to get you some tools to deal with these feelings and hopefully stop you from these kinds of behaviors. So, let's pick an incident here." She looked back through her notes. "When you had your friend call the probation officer, what were you scared of then?"_

_"Alex said she was skipping town."_

_"So she was going to leave you?" Piper nodded. "Did you tell anyone about your feelings?"_

_"Alex visited me and told me what she was planning to do."_

_"Yes, but did you tell her how you were feeling?"_

_"I told her that she was all I had left."_

_The doctor slowly nodded. "So no?"_

_"No." Piper shook her head. _

_"What did you tell her?"_

_"Basically, to fuck off. I knew nothing I said was going to change her mind."_

_"So you didn't even try. And then what happened?"_

_"I made that call to Polly and I snapped at Nicky."_

_She took a few more notes then set her notepad aside and looked at Piper. "I'm sure this seems far too basic, but I think your issue, aside from the narcissism and fear or abandonment which are different issues, is that you bottle things up. You push your feelings aside and let them fester and grow until they explode."_

_Piper chuckled. "I'm a Chapman. It's what we do."_

_"Maybe. But you're also someone who is pushing those closest to you away. And who chooses things that you don't necessarily want, but that are safe."_

_Piper nodded. She hadn't expected much by seeing this doctor. It wasn't that she had anything against her, but she knew everyone else within the prison system half assed things at best and had expected the same of the shrink. But the woman seemed to really know her stuff and want to help. "How do I change?"_

"I'm not sure if our loving each other is all that matters anymore." Alex looked down at their joined hands and shook her head. "I really wish I knew what to do here Piper."

Piper nodded in agreement. "Me too."

"I need some time." Alex finally spoke up.

Piper looked up sadly, quickly wiping the tear that fell from her eye. "Okay." There was no argument from her. She deserved whatever Alex asked of her. Then she thought back to her session with the psychiatrist about bottling her feelings. "What does this mean for us? Are we still together?"

Alex looked at Piper with the same sad expression on her face. "I don't know."

"Can we still talk? Can I see you? I mean-"

Alex silenced Piper by bringing their lips together in a soft kiss. She pulled back and gently wiped the tears from the blonde's face. "I'll see ya around kid."


	22. Over the Wall

I apologize for not posting a mid week update. This past week and next week are going to be a bit crazy at work so I don't have the time to write that I had up until now. And I'm also moving as my lease is up at the end of the month so my free time is spent packing and getting ready for that. So I wouldn't count on another update until next weekend unfortunately.

Anyway, the past few chapters I feel have enough anger. Time to start rebuilding things. For this chapter at least ;). Wouldn't be Vauseman without a heaping side of drama.

* * *

Alex got her bunk assignment relatively quick. Well, relatively quick for Litchfield. With Red and Sister Ingles still down in the medical wing and Vee and Miss Rosa escaping and a dozen or so inmates being released pretty much every inmate was given a new bunk assignment. Something about not wanting the inmates to get so comfortable that they_ 'wrote their own tickets out the door.'_ No one really paid attention they just did as they were told. With as much moaning and complaining as possible. However, a good half of the cubes only had one occupant at the moment so they needed to be consolidated.

Pleasantly enough, Piper and Nicky ended up being bunked together. Nicky's cellmate was released and with Red not anticipated to be back for a little while longer the prison decided it couldn't keep her bunk open anymore so they moved Piper in with Nicky and two new girls into Piper's old cube. They were pretty excited about it. It was a huge relief to be bunked with someone you didn't have to worry would stab you in your sleep.

"Now don't get any ideas Chapman. There will be no late night cuddling."

"Aw man!" Piper chuckled. "And here I was hoping this new cube came with perks." She joked.

"Well I mean I can always be persuaded." Nicky joked back with a smirk. Piper laughed and chucked her pillow across at Nicky's head as she got busy making her bed. "Seriously though, we should really go over the color scheme. I would hate for my pillow case to clash with your pillowcase. And how are we going to decorate? Maybe we should get a rug. A rainbow rug since we're batting for the same team now. Ooh we could be the gay cube of the suburbs. We could have parties and shit for our fellow softball players."

Piper laughed at her friends antics. It would be a lot of fun sharing a cube with her. Well, as fun as bunking with someone in prison could be. "I wonder where Alex was assigned."

Nicky got up off her bed and walked to the entrance to the cube to search for the brunette. "Speak of the devil."

Piper turned and joined Nicky at the doorway just in time to see Alex and some other girls enter the suburbs behind a CO carrying their things on the way to their new bunks. The CO stopped beside Nicky and Piper's cube. "You two in here. You-" He pointed some mousy looking little thing behind Alex. "On the right. You-" He pointed to Alex. "On the left."

Alex winked at Piper before continuing into her bunk. She plopped her things down on her bunk and took a minute to look around. She smirked when Piper appeared at the doorway. "Looks like we share a wall."

With Alex's great height she easily looked over the wall her bed was against and smirked seeing Piper's things on the bed on the other side of the wall. "Looks like we do."

"Nicky has it in her head that we're the new gay party spot of Litchfield."

"And we will be!" Nicky voiced from within her cube.

Alex chuckled as she started setting up her side of the cube. "Looks like we'll be seeing a lot of each other then."

Piper smiled. "Looks like we will." She left Alex to get settled and went back to her cube to finish settling in herself. The smile never left her face. Her and Alex's relationship had always been a very passionate one. Both in the good sense and the bad. She had no idea what they were to each other at the moment, but that passion was still there. She could feel it and if she could then she would bet Alex did as well. She and Alex were at least speaking which led to the inevitable flirting. And she knew Alex wasn't pursuing anyone else. Little by little the brunette's anger seemed to be fading.

Just as she sat down on her bunk she felt something light hit her head. She looked around and found a balled up paper beside her. She looked over at Nicky, but her crazy haired celly was busy trying to reach something that had fallen behind her desk. Piper smirked as she unfolded the paper. Must have come from over the wall.

_'I do hope you and your roommate will keep your after hours noises to a minimum. __We do share a wall after all.'_

Piper covered her mouth to keep from laughing. Even when their relationship was in limbo land Alex couldn't ignore her possessive nature. It made Piper's heart happy to know that Alex still felt possessive about her. It meant she hadn't written the idea of them off just yet. While Piper flirted back and kept anything Alex cast her way going, she left everything up to Alex. She would let the brunette come to her when she was ready. She quickly wrote a note back and threw it over the wall.

Alex put her last book on her desk and turned to the note that had fallen on her bed.

_'I'm not sure if I can do that. You know I always was a screamer. However, as it stands my cellmate and I are too busy pining after the objects of our affections to have time for one another.'_

Piper heard Alex laugh and smiled. Maybe they would be able to find their way back to each other after all.

* * *

Alex had been assigned her work duty in the library. Of which she was eternally grateful. She had had enough of those Jesus loving meth heads and the laundry to last her a lifetime. She was more than welcoming of this change of pace. Working with Taystee and Poussey wasn't half bad. They didn't talk to her much or invite her into their conversations, but they were pretty entertaining with their rich white girl voices and conversations. And it was a nice escape from Piper. There was nothing electrical in the library and thus during their working hours they didn't see each other. Not like while working in the laundry where everything broke and electrical was in there every other day.

Alex sighed as she put a book away, her hand resting on the rowen spine for a moment. She and Piper were a mess. Alex had always prided herself on her smarts. She didn't go to college, but she was a pretty intelligent individual. However, when it came to Piper and the mess the two were in she was an idiot. Somedays all she wanted to do was see Piper and talk to her and pretend like things were fine. Like they were back when things were good; before all the lies and betrayals. And others she remembered how she could be out in the world building a life for them but she was in prison because of Piper. It made her blood boil. She was caught between loving Piper and hating her. For once Alex didn't know what to do.

"Hey Alex."

Alex looked up and saw the object of her thoughts. "Hey" She said with a smile. Today, she thought, was a day when she just wanted to pretend like things were fine between them. Maybe if she pretended hard enough it would actually come true. Hating Piper was exhausting. "How is it that you seem to be spending so much time in here lately?"

"Nicky won't shut up whenever I'm in the cube, so I can't read there."

Alex smirked. "Mhmm." She wasn't buying it.

"I'm serious. Apparently we're having a party this weekend." She said with a laugh. "Poussey's making us some hooch as we speak." She looked back behind them to where Taystee and Poussey were working. Poussey looked up and gave them a wink. "See?"

"Shouldn't you be working?"

"Luschek passed out. So we all took that to mean we ended early today."

Alex looked over at the clock and chuckled. Four hours early. It wasn't unheard of for the electrical CO to pass out during his shift. He was a pretty serious alcoholic. But he usually didn't pass out this early. "I don't suppose anyone helped him to pass out?"

Piper grinned and winked at Alex before turning her attention to looking for a new book. "Someone may have slipped him a little something."

Alex shook her head with a laugh and shelved the last book in her hands. Piper was a far cry from the boring little girl Alex had first met all those years ago. "You really did become a bad girl while I was out, didn't you?"

"Well, you know, I had to do something to pass the time. With no one pulling me into chapels or closets or showers anymore." She joked.

"I bet that freed up a lot of time for you." Alex joked back. They used to have a lot of sex before Alex had been released. Like, a ridiculous amount. It was prison. What else were they really supposed to do?

Piper nodded. "Oh yeah. I'm really glad that I don't have to worry about that anymore. It leaves so much time for other shenanigans."

"Shenanigans?" Alex repeated, holding back a chuckle. No way did Piper come up with that on her own. That had Nicky written all over it.

Piper met Alex's gaze and an identical smile fell over her face for a moment. "Mhmm. Shenanigans."

"Like spiking Luschek's drink shenanigans?"

Piper laughed. "Among other things." The smile faded and she looked away. "Mostly it's just about keeping Nicky occupied."

Alex nodded. She knew exactly what Nicky was feeling. She had been a mess since Lorna had been taken to SHU. Alex had been the same way when Piper was down there. "Any idea when she's coming back?"

Piper shook her head. Lorna was a sweet girl. A little crazy and a major stalker, but deep down she was very sweet. She had to be completely losing it in SHU. It was all Piper could do to make sure that Nicky didn't lose it as well.

_"Nicky?" Piper questioned. She had come down to the laundry to drop off her clothes, but hadn't expected to see Nicky crouching there behind a large cart full of clean bedding. She and Nicky did have the same laundry day, but the other woman had already left breakfast early to drop her clothes off. It was now just after work and Piper had come by on her way to dinner. She hadn't expected to see Nicky there. "What are you doing?"_

_Nicky jumped up and quickly kicked something away with her foot. It was that deer in the headlights look that alerted Piper. Piper bypassed the meth meds and slowly made her way over to Nicky, looking to see what Nicky had kicked away. Her face fell when she saw what it was. "It's not what it looks like."_

_Piper ran to grab the bag before Nicky could. "What the fuck Nicky? Drugs? They could kill you. Red could kill you for this."_

_"Piper please you can't tell anyone!" Nicky pleaded._

_"What the fuck are you thinking?!"_

_"It's Vee's" Nicky explained. "She brought it in and she was getting everyone in here hooked on it. I took it from her before she left as payback for what she did to Red. I wasn't going to use it."_

_"Where's the rest of it?" Piper demanded._

_Nicky shrugged her shoulders as if she didn't know what Piper was talking about, but after a minute of being stared down by the blonde she moved away from the vent she was standing in front of._

_Piper quickly looked around, but the two women in the room working were on the other side of the room hidden by a row of washing machines. She dropped to the ground and looked into the vent. "Fuck, Nicky! Why haven't you gotten rid of it yet?"_

_"I was trying to figure out a way to get it to Caputo or someone else who would see it and know it was Vee's."_

_"Vee is gone Nicky. It doesn't matter whose it is anymore. It just needs to be gone." Piper gathered up the bags and brought them to a little sink in the corner._

_"Piper please" Nicky pleaded._

_Piper looked over at Nicky as she unsealed one bag and poured it down the drain. "This shit is no good for anyone. It destroyed my life, it destroyed Alex's life and it destroyed your life. How many more lives are we going to let it destroy? Do you really want to risk it Nicky?" She looked deep into Nicky's eyes as she held the last bag out to her. "Think of yourself Nicky. Think of Red. Think of Lorna. She is going to be out soon and she will need you. You are better than this. How do you think Lorna will feel when she gets out and you can't help her because you're too fucked out of your own mind?"_

_Nicky looked away for a few moments before she walked over to Piper and took the bag. She held it in her hands for a moment before she dumped it down the drain._

"They really need to get some new books in here." Piper began. "I haven't even been here for a year and already I've read most of them."

"That's because you have too much time on your hands."

Piper stopped and glared at Alex. "And whose fault is that?"

Alex raised an eyebrow. "Really want to go there?"

"No." Piper looked away.

Alex put the new stack of books she had in her arms down and went over to Piper, standing so they were almost touching. She could feel the heat and the tension coming off of the blonde. She reached up and tucked the hair behind Piper's ear, letting her hand linger. No matter how innocent it was she always felt a spark whenever she and Piper touched. The warmth traveled up her arm right into her heart. "It seems that you love this new found freedom you have." She whispered seductively. "I would hate to ruin that by asking you to join me in the storage closet in the back. Only the few of us who work in here ever go in and even with that it's maybe once a week or so, so we wouldn't be interrupted."

Piper swallowed hard before turning to look at Alex. Her eyes were dark and filled with lust. "Really?"

Alex licked her lips and brought her face just millimeters from Pipers. She put her hands on either side of Piper's face and brought her lips to the blonde's ear. "No." She quickly pulled back and dropped her hands, her signature smirk on display. "You think I would forgive you that easily? You really are easy." Maybe that was a little cruel, but as badly as Alex wanted nothing more than to have Piper wrapped around her fingers, it was too soon.

Piper's face fell in a hardened expression as she turned away and put the book that had been in her hands back. "You know who else is easy?" She asked as she turned to leave. Two could play at this game. "Your roommate."

Alex watched as Piper walked away with an increased sway of her hips. That was just fighting dirty.


	23. Green Eyed Monster

Work has still been crazy, but I have a few chapters ready to go so I figured I would post today. My muse has been coming and going as she pleases which has beeN a killer. Mostly when I'm driving which is pretty inconvenient. Or trying to sleep. But anyway here is this chapter. I'm pretty happy with it so I hope you all are too. Probably the longest chapter I've done thus far. I'd like to thank my loyal reviewers. It's the same people every chapter for the most part and I am so thankful for you! I spends. Lot of time on this story and I'd greatly appreciate it if others could review too. :)

* * *

Weekends in prison were sometimes worse than weekdays in prison. There was no work which was both a blessing and a curse. But there was also nothing to really do. Usually on weekends people would go grocery shopping, run some errands, visit friends or family, take a weekend trip, maybe visit a bar or a club, but mostly just relax and unwind from the week. With one television, a few decks of cards and a couple homemade game boards in the prison how was that relaxing?

And boy did Alex Vause need to relax. Ever since that day in the library Piper and Alex's new bunkmate, Jana Scott, were inseparable. Alex knew it was all her fault, but it still pissed her off. Piper was just doing it to get back at her. What had started out as a harmless crush by Alex's bunkie was now being used to make her jealous. And it was working.

At first, before the joke Alex pulled on Piper in the library, Piper had tried to just ignore Scott. She would speak to her and be polite, but she always said no when the other woman would ask her to play cards or hang out during some downtime and always made sure not to sit near or across from her at meals. Alex was more than happy that Piper never flirted back or did anything to lead the other woman on. Especially as her and Piper's relationship was in this confusing limbo land where they weren't really together, but also weren't really not together. But things were a different story now. Now Piper not only accepted when Scott would ask her to hang out, but Piper was actually seeking her out. Sitting beside her at meals, sharing her headphones at movie night. It was physically nauseating to Alex. Jealousy was a nasty green eyed monster and she had always been jealous when it came to the blonde.

She was never jealous with anyone else. Mostly she was glad when the short flings she had found someone else to occupy their time. However, this was Piper. Things were always different with Piper. But Alex didn't let it show. She wouldn't give Piper the satisfaction of knowing her little game was affecting her like it was.

"Hey, yo Vause!" Nicky called, running up to Alex on the way to the cafeteria. "You coming tonight or what? Piper says she can't get a straight answer outta you."

"Piper can't get a straight anything out of me." Alex smirked.

"Easy does it super dyke. So you coming or not?" They walked into the cafeteria and right away Alex could see Piper and Scott sitting together at _their_ table. Their meaning Piper and Alex's and the rest of _their_ family. Of which this new girl was most certainly not. Alex shot daggers at the woman with short mousy brown hair and big brown eyes. Nicky noticed the pair and gently nudged Alex into the cafeteria and into the food line. "They really seem to be hitting it off, huh?"

"Who?" Alex asked, pretending not to notice.

"Harriet Tubman and Janis Joplin. Who do you think? Piper and Scott."

Alex looked over to where Nicky was looking. As if she didn't know exactly who she was talking about and where they were sitting; practically on top of one another Alex noted. "Oh, yeah, I guess."

Nicky smirked. "Don't even pretend you don't already want that bitch dead." She joked.

Alex looked at Nicky and smirked. No point in lying. Nicky could smell dyke drama from ten miles away. "Piper is just trying to make me jealous."

"Yeah I heard about your little incident in the library the other day."

"She told you?"

Nicky nodded. "We're roomies. We talk about everything." They both grabbed trays and Nicky went on about how it was just like college and they would stay up late into the night talking about all the cute girls in their classes as they painted their nails and waited for one of said cute girls to call them. "We did try doing each other's hair once, but the damn brush broke in my hair can you believe it?" The crazy haired woman joked. "She'll be at the party tonight. You know how Piper gets on that toilet hooch."

Oh Alex knew very well how Piper got. The one and only time the blonde had had some of Poussey's hooch was at Trisha's memorial of sorts and after she and Alex had to excuse themselves as Piper was physically incapable of keeping her hands to herself and nearly fucked Alex right there infront of everyone.

Nicky looked over and saw Alex's far off smile. No doubt remembering the night in exquisite detail. She nudged her with her shoulder. "After dinner."

Alex nodded and the pair joined Piper and Scott at the table. Alex avoided Piper's eyes and dug right into her breakfast. She would spend the rest of the day seeming uninterested in Piper's little game. In fact, she was going to make sure she crossed paths with the blonde quite frequently but completely ignore her presence. By the time their little party rolled around she knew Piper would be in bad shape. She always did hate it when Alex ignored her. Alex had always been jealous where Piper was concerned, but she hid it well most of the time. Piper, on the other hand...

She turned to Nicky with a smirk. "Let the games begin."

Nicky eyed her friend cautiously. "Why do I have a feeling I'm getting pulled into this?"

"Because you Nichols," Alex began, throwing her arm around Nicky's shoulders. A move that did not go unnoticed by Piper. "Are a smart woman." She whispered into Nicky's ear. Alex knew that Piper had always been a bit uneasy with Alex and Nicky ever since she found out that they had hooked up. She was not above using that to her advantage.

Nicky squinted and looked at Alex out of the corner of her eye. "Shit's about to get real."

Alex leaned in close and gave Nicky a few ideas of how they could get to Piper. She felt the blonde's eyes burning holes through her, but she ignored it and focused all of her attention on the woman beside her. "And she hates being ignored. So whenever you see her pretend not to even notice her and get more into me." Alex finished whispering.

Nicky nodded slowly, formulating a plan. "So we can touch, but no kissing?" She whispered to Alex.

"Right." Alex agreed. "And touching over clothes only and not in certain areas." She warned.

Nicky chuckled. "I gotcha I gotcha. Relax." She stealthily looked across at Piper and Scott. Piper, seemingly having forgotten about the woman next to her and trying to make Alex jealous, was positively steaming. Nicky turned back to Alex with a smile. "How about we get out of here?" She asked loudly, being sure Piper heard her.

Alex nodded with a smile and the two left. Piper followed the pair out with her eyes thinking that maybe she had taken it a step too far. It had been a long time since she had tried to make Alex jealous. However, back when she used to do it to get a little attention Alex had always reacted immediately. Chasing the other person away and giving Piper the attention she craved. But things were different now. They were older. Maybe that wasn't how Alex handled things anymore. Maybe she didn't chase anymore. She looked to the woman seated beside her. Or maybe she just wasn't playing hard enough.

* * *

It was a few hours later when Piper knew that she had Alex right where she wanted her. She had definitely upped the ante; making sure she and Scott were not where Alex and Nicky were forcing the brunette to go and seek them out which also made it seem like Piper was legitimately into the other woman by hanging out in private. Sitting a little close to Scott, flirting a little too loudly, laughing at jokes that weren't in the least bit funny, putting her hands on the other woman's arm or leg, brushing the hair from her face. Alex's blood was boiling. Her whole plan to turn the tables had gone out the window. All she could focus on was that big, green eyed monster.

Piper did sort of feel bad for Jana. She had real feelings for Piper and Piper was exploiting them to get back at her ex. Well, not so much get back at her as make her stop being mad at her. Piper could tell by the way Alex's eyebrow twitched and she kept close to wherever Piper was that she was highly bothered by Piper's little game. She was so far beyond jealous it had Piper practically giddy. Piper turned her attention back to the woman in front of her. She rationalized that this would make her tougher. It would show her not to trust someone too easily or to let her feelings be so easily shown and thus, taken advantage of. Piper was trying to be a better person and she knew this went against that new mantra, but getting Alex back was more important. It was for the greater good she told herself.

She looked up at the lightly brown haired woman and tried to pay attention. They were in the library. Alex's new work detail. Although Alex wasn't working today Piper knew she would be bothered by Piper bringing this girl into her space. They were sitting up against the back row of books reading. Well, Scott was reading aloud and Piper was trying her hardest to pretend to be interested. However, what she was really doing was keeping an eye on where Alex and Nicky were sitting at a table a few yards away.

Reading like this was something she and Alex used to do all the time. All the time when they had a few moments together that was. And that didn't happen all that often with Alex's work. But when she had the odd day off and they didn't feel like adventuring out into whichever city they were currently in they would grab a book, snuggle up and spend hours reading. Alex would read out loud with Piper snuggled up beside her.

Piper knew there was nothing going on between Alex and Nicky. At first she had felt threatened, given Alex and Nicky's past, but Nicky was her bunkmate. As such she knew that Nicky was still too worried about Lorna down in SHU to be hooking up with anyone. She also knew that Alex wouldn't do that to her either. They might not be together together at the moment, but Alex also hadn't said they were over. If she had wanted to be with Nicky, or anyone else for that matter, she would have told Piper they were over. Alex may have been a serial cheater before Piper, but she was never anything less than loyal to her when they were together.

"Hey, I'm going to go to the bathroom I'll be right back."

"Want some company?"

Piper tried hard not to roll her eyes at the naïveté of the younger woman. 'I have to go to the bathroom' sometimes just means 'I have to go to the bathroom' and isn't a cover for 'hurry, let's fuck in the showers.' She shook her head and offered Scott a small smile. "No I really just have to pee." She got up and quickly made her way out of the library, feeling three distinct sets of eyes on her.

Alex didn't know why this was bothering her to the extent that it was. She knew Piper was only doing it to make her jealous. The blonde couldn't actually be interested in the other woman. But deep in the back of her mind she kept thinking that maybe Piper was interested in Scott. Maybe Alex had blown her chance. Maybe she had been mad too long that Piper thought they were over and was moving on. Mostly she knew that wasn't the case, but there was a tiny sliver of doubt. She also just plain didn't like another woman being all over her girlfriend even if there was nothing there and it was just a ploy to make her jealous. Who would?

Alex took a deep breath and pushed her chair away from the table she and Nicky were sitting at. Enough was enough. She went to the back of the library where Scott now stood, alone, searching for a new book. With a quick movement she slapped the book from the shorter woman's hands and pinned her against the bookcase. "You need to back...the...fuck...off."

"Of what?" Scott asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Of Piper." Alex made clear. "My fucking girlfriend."

Scott's lips turned up into a smirk. She clearly enjoyed getting a rise out of Alex. She shook off Alex's grip with surprising strength. "If she really was your girlfriend I wouldn't have been able to get this close to her. I have that girl wrapped around my little finger. Soon enough she will be my _bitch_."

'_Mousy isn't so mousy_.' Alex thought. She had known her bunkie was hiding something, but hadn't guessed it was a completely different personality. The once mousy, timid seeming girl had just been pretending. Alex scoffed and shook her head. She deserved being used in this little game. Alex, however, in no way felt like getting into the intricacies of her and Piper's relationship with this woman. "Can't you take a hint? Up until a couple of days ago, which have only a game to her you understand? But up until this time she had never once flirted back and she always tried to stay as far away from you as possible. How about you do the same? She is using you to get to me. She used to do this to me all the time when she wanted attention. She is just using you." She took a step closer to the brunette. "So stay the _fuck_ away from _my_ girlfriend."

"You don't scare me."

Alex raised an eyebrow and slid her glasses up on top of her head. "I have no problem fighting you." At that Scott took a step back. She talked a big game, but that's all it was. Talk. Alex wasn't a big woman by any means, but she was tall and intimidating and had an aire to her that just screamed not to fuck with her. Especially when her eyes narrowed and her glasses moved to the top of her head. That was how she got ready to move in for the kill. She tightened her gaze on the woman before her. "I'm already doing six years. You think another few months for kicking your ass will really matter? The satisfaction alone would be well worth the time." She all but snarled.

Nicky had been trying to look like she was minding her own business at the table, but at that her head snapped back to the pair at the back of the library. She had never heard Alex threaten anyone before. She was glad she and Alex were friends and she didn't have to worry about being on the receiving end of Alex Vause's wrath. Nicky made a mental note to never piss off the taller woman. It was no wonder she had made it as far in the drug world as she had and for as long. She could be downright terrifying when she wanted to be. It wasn't what she said but it was how she said it. She had a tone that made it sound as if she could beat your ass without batting an eye. That she did it all the time.

Alex stepped closer to the now cowering woman. "That is, if you are around long enough after I'm done with you to snitch."

Piper smiled from her hidden position beside a stack of books by the door and quietly slipped out.

* * *

"I told you we were gonna be the party spot, Chapman!" Nicky said, raising the bottle she was holding.

Piper chuckled. "Actually, you said we could be the '_gay cube of the suburbs'_ and that we could have '_parties and shit for our fellow softball players_.' And I'm pretty sure Yoga Jones over there has never partaken in a single softball game."

All eyes turned to Jones who shrugged. "Sorry ladies."

"Okay okay so a select few heteros are allowed in at our discretion." Nicky clarified, passing the bottle across the cube to Piper. "But we'd still make a kick ass softball team."

"Something to think about for when we get out." Piper joked after taking a long drink. "We won't be able to find jobs, but hey, we have softball." The few women raised their hands as if they were holding drinks and everyone cheered to that.

"There room for one more in here?"

Everyones heads snapped to the front of the cube at the thick Jersey accent. Nicky stood slowly and walked over to Morello. She put her hands on either side of the shorter woman's face, silently asking if she was okay. Morello nodded and leaned into Nicky's touch Before wrapping her arms tightly around Nicky.

Piper smiled and looked around the cube. She noticed that Alex wasn't there. Hell, she'd noticed when she first sat down but had just thought Alex would be along later. She thought by now Alex would have broken and came to her. But she hadn't. Piper looked away sadly and took a few big gulps of Poussey's famous toilet hooch before passing the bottle to Lorna with a soft smile. "It's good to see you back."

Lorna offered the group a small smile and downed a good portion of the alcohol. No one said anything. Not everyone there had first hand experience in the SHU, but they knew it wasn't the Hamptons.

"I think I may have pushed too far this time." Piper said to no one in particular. It felt like half the group was missing. Half of their family was missing without Alex and Red. Not exactly half, but their big personalities made it feel that way. Boo was also missing, but she would be for the rest of her time in prison. She had betrayed Red and thus she was out of their family. Lorna was back now which was great, but still Piper felt like a big part of the group was missing.

"Pushed what too far?"

Piper looked to the woman beside her, but this time couldn't even fake a smile for her. Scott had been a fun tool to make Alex jealous with, but she didn't feel anything for the younger woman. In fact, if she was really honest with herself the other woman was just annoying. And now after that little stint in the library where she said that Piper would soon be her bitch, Piper couldn't wait to get rid of her. She didn't trust her. Not that that meant anything as they were in prison and there were very few people within these walls that Piper could and did trust. But there was something almost sneaky about the brunette. Piper didn't know exactly what it was, it was just a feeling she had. She shook her head. "Nothing."

The bottle was passed around a few more times before there wasn't even a drop left. Nicky pulled out another bottle. "I told you all to be ready for a good time."

But Piper wasn't having a good time. And now she was extremely buzzed and not having a good time. Which made her buzzed and sad. Which wasn't a good combination. But, as comes with being buzzed her filter was gone so she finally asked what she had been wondering about all night. "Anyone know where Alex is?"

"Took you long enough to ask, Chapman." Nicky joked. "She's waiting for you in the library."

"You could have told me that earlier."

"You could have asked earlier. I was under strict orders not to say anything until you asked. Now go."

Piper smiled. She grabbed the bottle from Scott and took a long two gulps. "I'll see you ladies later." She turned to Nicky. "Don't wait up."

"_'Don't wait up'_?" Jana repeated. "What the hell Piper?"

Piper groaned and turned back to the group. None of this was this woman's fault. Although ever since the library her vibe had gotten progressively bitchier and bitchier. Piper didn't feel like going back over what Alex had told the other woman not that long ago. She just wanted to get to Alex. Who was waiting for her. She tried to suppress her smile as she addressed the shorter woman. "Look, I heard you and Alex in the library. She was right. We are in a relationship. But it's long and complicated and she's waiting for me."

She turned to leave, but Scott grabbed her arm. "So, what, was this all a game to you?"

Piper nodded. "Yes. That's exactly what it was. At first I felt bad about it, but hearing what you said to Alex you deserve it. I'm nobody's _bitch_."

In her near drunk state, Piper had to be very careful as she made her way to the library. Every step was a conscious thought. '_One step, head up, don't fall' _Navigating through a prison while intoxicated was unsurprisingly complicated. As she came to the proverbial 'end of the tunnel', aka the library, she quickened her pace. Not the smartest idea considering how much of a light weight she was and how much she had drank. Just as she reached for the door handle she couldn't quite stop running fast enough and ended up toppling head first into the library.

"Jesus!" Alex was at Piper's side in an instant, helping her up. "What the hell, Piper?"

"You know I'm getting that a lot lately." She swung her legs out in front of her and let Alex help her up. "You didn't come." Alex raised an eyebrow in confusion. "To our party. You didn't come."

Alex smiled and took Piper's hand in her own. "I know I didn't. I was mad at you."

"Dammit Alex!" Piper snatched her hand back. "You're always mad about me...mad at me." She corrected, looking confused for a moment. As articulate as Piper normally was, it all went out the window when she was drunk. Then it was a struggle for her to even throw a sentence together.

"No no no this isn't about that. I'm not mad at you because of that. Well I am, but this isn't about that. It's about you and Scott. I know you were only doing it to make me jealous. I'm mad because it worked!"

Piper smirked. "Of course it worked. Because you love me." She placed her hands on Alex's hips and pulled her closer.

Alex rolled her eyes. Drunk Piper was very touchy feely. "Of course I do Pipes." She whispered, pulling Piper close and wrapping her arms around the blonde. The two stood in the middle of the library embracing for what felt like forever. Alex eventually pulled away. "I had this whole date planned for you, but you were too damn stubborn to ask where I was when the party started and now this date would just be wasted on your drunk ass." She said with a chuckle. She didn't blame Piper. She herself had been just as stubborn. "This all ends now Piper. All this stubbornness and us being mad at each other. We need to just put it behind ourselves and move on."

Piper smiled up at Alex. Her face positively beaming. "I loves...sss.. you." She slurred.

Alex laughed. Actually let her head fall back in laughter. Being mad at Piper was exhausting. She in no way forgave the blonde for what she did, but she could move forward from it. She was too old to be spending what time they had together being mad. If she kept it up she knew that Piper would move on with someone else and she wasn't about to let that happen again. Even though it wasn't real, she had gotten a taste of what it would be like if Piper moved on and it had quite literally sucked. "I love your drunken ass too. Come on let's get back to that party. I'm feeling entirely too sober."

"But my date." Piper protested. She actually stomped her foot like a three year old child.

"We have all tomorrow, kid." Alex took Piper's hand and led her out of the library. "We can spend the whole day together and then have our date."

"Really?" Piper's whole face lit up.

"Really really." Alex shook her head the whole way back to Piper and Nicky's cube. She basically had to hold the blonde down so it looked like she was walking moderately normal. A happy, drunken Piper was a bit like a child. Bouncing everywhere, skipping, twirling around. Thankfully Alex was well trained in how to contain all that drunken energy and she got them to the cube without attracting any attention.

"The party is back bitches!"

Alex rolled her eyes and pushed Piper to her bunk. Piper's grace also flew out the window when she drank and she literally crashed into her bunk, head first. The whole cube erupted into laughter and Alex had to help Piper to right herself and sit on the bed. Alex grabbed the hooch and downed the rest of it.

"Fuck! Vause!"

Alex tossed the bottle back to Nicky. "Fuck off you guys had three times that."

Nicky shrugged. She couldn't argue with that. "Nice of you to grace us with your presence. What happened to date night?"

Alex raised an eyebrow. "With this thing here?" She pointed her thumb at Piper. The blonde kept swaying from side to side.

"Hey!" Piper protested a little too loudly. "I'm right here." She turned her attention back to Alex and didn't even try to stop her hands from wondering all over the brunette's body.

"Shhhh." Jones stood up to check if any guard had heard them, but they had a bit more time before a guard was expected back. "We should probably wrap this up guys." Jones, Norma and Gina said their goodbyes, well except for Norma who was as silent as always, and left the two couples to themselves. The trio didn't push the rules as much as Nicky, Piper and Alex did and wanted to duck out before they were caught. Scott was already long gone having stormed out after Piper left.

"And then there were four." Alex said with a smile as she tried to keep Piper's hands from going past the PG-13 rating.

Nicky smiled. There weren't any other three people she would rather spend time with. Well, someone was still missing. "Too bad Red isn't here."

"She wouldn't join even if she was." Piper said. "She'll be out soon Nick."

Nicky nodded and wrapped her arm around Lorna beside her. The young woman looked exhausted and broken. Everyone in that cube had done time in SHU and knew what it was like to come back after going through that. They would all be there to help her get back to herself. She looked over at Piper and offered a small smile. If not for Piper she wouldn't be here for Lorna right now.

"Well," Alex began as she stood up. "The COs will be making rounds in a couple minutes so I should probably get back to my bunk." She wrestled with Piper for a few minutes to get the blonde's hands off of her. Once Alex got her hands off Piper would just smile and grab at her again. "Will you quit it!"

Nicky and Lorna nodded and left the cube. "I'm just gonna walk her home."

"That is so cute!" Piper said. "Isn't that cute Aly-cat."

"Oh were at Aly-cat level of drunk, huh Pipes?"

"Mhmm." Piper smiled, wrapping her arms around Alex's neck.

Alex chuckled and managed to get Piper changed into her bed clothes and into bed relatively easily. There were a few different levels of drunkenness for Piper. Currently she was at that level where she was about to just crash. There were six levels ; tipsy, buzzed, drunk, flirty drunk, horney drunk, and then sleepy drunk. Nicky came back just as Alex was tucking Piper into her bunk.

"You never tucked me into bed." Nicky joked.

Alex sat down beside Piper and took her hand. "Yeah, well, if I don't chances are she will roll right out of bed. Won't you Pipes?"

Piper's face curled into a scowl. "That happened once."

"Yeah, get some alcohol in you and try once a night." Alex laughed. She turned to Nicky. "Once she starts calling me Aly-cat it's time to call it a night." Gently she reached down and wiped the hair from Piper's face. "Get some sleep. Tomorrow is a special day." She said with a wink.

Piper smiled and sat up so that she could kiss Alex. It was a kiss unlike any the pair had had before. It was timid. Even in her drunken state Piper knew better than to push her luck with Alex. She let the brunette dictate the kiss. Alex responded immediately, bringing her hand to the side of Piper's face and pushing their lips harder together. It was soft and gentle, but also reassuring. Reassuring that she was no longer mad at Piper and that she was and would be there. She pulled away and looked deep into Piper's eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Piper smiled. "Bright and early."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Don't push it kid." She got up and walked out of the cube.

"Wait! Alyyyyyycat come snuggle! Be my big spoon."

Alex paused at the doorway. "You need sleep kid."

"The kid needs you." Piper protested with a pout.

"Gag." Nicky scoffed, crawling into her own bunk.

Alex smirked and walked back over to Piper. She tucked her back in and placed a soft kiss to her forehead. "Tomorrow. I promise." She lingered a moment watching Piper as the blonde closed her eyes. "Night Nichols."

"Aw, no goodnight kiss for me? That's just rude Vause." Piper reached down below her bunk and threw her shoe in Nicky's general direction. It missed her completely, but Nicky laughed. "Ooh feisty."


	24. Two Dates One Day - Piper

Happy Labor Day weekend to all my fellow American readers! I've spent the weekend moving and as such I am extremely sore at the moment. I HATE moving! It's always exciting to see everything all packed up and out of the apartment, but then it crashes down when I realize I then have to unpack everything somewhere else. So my room is currently covered in boxes. I set up the essentials - my bed, TV and rattie cage, but everything else is in boxes. And I'm claustrophobic to begin with so it's a bit stressful at the moment. So after this post is up I'm off to do some serious unpacking.

I've decided I'm not doing automatic weekend and mid week postings anymore. I'll post depending on how many of you review ;). If I get a good number of reviews I'll post a mid week chapter. If not I'll only post on weekends. All in your hands folks. And thank you to those of you who do take the time to review. I love reading what you guys think! So here is the next chapter. It's going to be a two part chapter so if you want the next part soon then REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!

* * *

"Morning sunshine!"

Piper slowly opened an eye and glared at Nicky. "Nicky I love you, I do, but if you don't lower your voice I will kill you."

"You don't have a violent bone in your body." Nicky teased.

Piper held up a single finger. One word. "Pennsatuckey."

"Fine. But don't get mad at me when you miss your '_special day_.'"

Piper shot up in bed. "Shit! What time is it?" A hand immediately went to her head. "Ow!" Piper didn't have first hand experience of this, but she imagined what she was feeling at the moment was what one would feel if their head was between two cargo barges as they crashed into each other. Repeatedly.

Nicky chuckled. "You missed breakfast."

Piper groaned. Partly because of how shitty she felt and partly because that was less time she got to spend with Alex. At this moment in time all she really wanted to do was cry her head hurt so much. But at the same time she wanted as much time with her girlfriend/not girlfriend as she could get because for all Piper knew Alex could go back to being pissed at her tomorrow. Or she could be pissed now. "Is Alex pissed?"

Nicky shrugged. "No idea. She saw that you weren't there and left."

"Where did she go?"

"Do I look like the narrator to this little story of yours?" She reached into the pocket of her sweat shirt and threw its contents at Piper. "She did, however, tell me to give this to you and that she would come and get you when she is ready."

Piper smiled and unwrapped the muffin. She smelled it and smiled brighter. Banana nut. Her favorite. She took a bite and turned to Nicky. "Alex can't cook for shit, but she makes the best muffins you've ever had."

"That came from the kitchen."

Piper scrunched her brow and took another bite. "No. Alex made this." She felt a warmness spread through her chest as the taste hit her. Not only was it her favorite muffin, but it she could taste it was made with whole wheat. Alex had always made fun of her for her preference for whole wheat stating, "_You and I both grew up without it and we turned out just fine." _But the fact that she had used it anyway warmed Piper's heart even more. Although she had no idea how she was able to get whole wheat flour in prison.

"How the hell would she swing something like that?"

Piper shrugged. "Take a bite if you don't believe me."

Nicky looked at Piper quizzically, but took the offered muffin and took a bite. She shook her head and handed it back. "That is not one of those shit muffins they gave us at breakfast."

"Told ya."

"You're lucky Vause told me to give that to you and I'm scared shitless of getting on her bad side or I would eat that myself." Piper smirked, but didn't say anything. No one who had been in the library for that altercation knew she was there and she felt it was better that way. Nicky grabbed another bite on her way out. "That's so not fair. Tell Vause next time she wants me to be her errand girl to make sure there's something in there for me too. Oh, and she left you a couple painkillers on your cabinet over there. Take them."

Nicky left and Piper slowly finished her muffin. It was too good to scarf down in thirty seconds. With some food in her system she took the painkillers Alex had left for her beside a carton of orange juice. She just shook her head at the note Alex had left. One word was written, '_lightweight_.'

Once she was done and Alex's bed over the wall was still empty Piper decided she would start her day off with a quick run around the track. Then she stood up and the room was spinning so she carefully sat back down and decided a shower was probably a better idea. Being mid morning on a Sunday the shower line was quite long, but within the hour Piper was showered and back in her cube. She was freezing as the hot water had been long gone, but she was clean and ready to start the day. Thankfully the painkillers had kicked in and she was starting to feel a big better. She made a mental note to drink as much water as she could throughout the day to offset the dehydration caused by the hooch.

"And here I thought it would take a little work getting you out of your clothes." Alex said with a wink.

Piper smirked and walked by where Alex was sitting on her bunk, brushing her leg by the taller woman's as she did. She stopped at the back of her cube and turned back to Alex. "What did you do to your hair?"

"Like it?"

Piper nodded. Alex rarely did anything with her hair in prison. It was pretty hard to do much, but currently her hair was absolutely pin straight. Piper took a few steps closer to Alex and ran her hand through the dark tresses. "You look beautiful Al."

Alex looked away, trying to hide the blush creeping over her cheeks. "Just because I'm in prison doesn't mean I can't make an effort." Back in her days in the cartel she had been used to the compliments. Everyone, men and women, had always made a fuss over her. Showering her with compliments, buying her drinks, doing anything and everything to catch her eye and engage in a conversation or, ideally, more. But it had been a long time since a single person's words had meant so much to her.

Piper bent down and kissed Alex's cheek, well aware that Alex could see down the front of her towel. She moved to Alex's ear. "Being our first date and all you're going to have to leave so I can change."

Alex frowned and grabbed the edge of Piper's towel. "Not like I haven't seen it all before Pipes. In every...way...possible."

Piper closed her eyes and took a breath as a shot of arousal ran straight through her. "Be that as it may," She began, stepping away from Alex. "If we are going to start things over we are going to do them right."

"I think how we started things the first time was pretty right."

They both smiled as they remembered that first day they met in the bar all those years ago. "And you'll remember you didn't see me naked after my shower then either."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "I seem to recall-"

"Okay so you didn't see me naked after my first shower of the day." She clarified with a smile.

Alex chuckled, but nodded in defeat. She would let this one slide. After all, she did want to do things right this time around. She knew there was no way to do the past over again, but moving on with a fresh start was a good idea. "What about her?" She asked with a head tilt in Nicky's direction.

"She lives here." Piper shrugged.

Nicky looked up from the magazine she was currently reading while lounging on her bunk and smiled at Alex. "I've seen you naked; it's only fair I see her too."

"Piper!" Alex protested.

Piper laughed and pushed Alex out of the cube. "Give me five minutes." She placed another kiss on Alex's cheek before turning back to her own cube.

Alex shook her head. "This isn't fair!" She called as she sat down on her bunk.

"Life ain't fair Vause." Nicky taunted.

"Try anything and you're dead Nichols."

Nicky shut up and looked back down at her magazine, being sure not to even catch a glimpse of Piper changing. The thought of being on Alex's bad side still scared the shit out of her after what she had seen at the library. Piper laughed and quickly changed into her ever so sexy prison uniform. "Mmm...definitely too sexy for a first date." Nicky joked.

Piper looked over at Nicky and gave her a little wink. "What can I say? I want her to go absolutely insane with want."

"Oh I'm pretty sure she's already there." Nicky scoffed.

Piper winked at Nicky again on her way out of the cube. "Don't wait up."

"Aw come on! One of the perks of being roommates is I get to pretend to be sleeping while you have sex with your hot drug dealing girlfriend as I secretly watch!"

Piper rolled her eyes and took a moment to watch Alex from outside her cube. She was laying on her bunk reading. It didn't matter what Alex was doing. Piper found every little thing she did to be sexy. But now Alex had straightened her hair and was even sexier. Piper had always loved it when Alex straightened her hair. She also knew that Alex thought it was a complete waste of time and only ever did it for Piper. When she really wanted to impress Piper or if she had messed up really bad. Alex knew that it always made Piper smile. It was Alex's way of saying she was ready to move on and leave the past in the past.

Thankfully Alex's bunkmate was nowhere to be found. Piper knocked gently on the outside of the cube. "Hey."

Alex looked up over her book and smiled. "Hey."

"So what's on the plan for today?" Piper sat down on the edge of Alex's bed.

"No plan." Alex explained, setting her book aside and sitting up. "I'm trying this new thing where I stop trying to control everything. I'm trying to just let life happen." It was true that Alex liked to free fall through life, but even so her life outside of prison had always been extremely rigid; planned out down to the very minute. It had to be when she was dealing with complicated drug runs that required precise timing. She used to even have to plan in time for showers while she was working. When she wasn't working things were more relaxed, but Alex Vause had learned to be a planner. Even when she went out to a bar or a club when most would have think she was there for a night out, she was there at a specific time and for a specific purpose.

"Noble."

Alex smirked. "I have a meeting with my counselor, but then I just thought we could hang out until our date tonight."

"_Hang out_? Since when do you know how to just _hang out_?"

"Well if we were anywhere but here I would really show you a good time, but as it stands we have limited options."

Piper nodded slowly. "How about this," She looked around the walls of the cube to the clock at the front of the dorm. There wasn't all that much time until lunch. "You have your meeting and then we can _hang out_ until lunch, but then I am stealing you away."

"Two dates in one day?"

Piper winked. "Mhmm. You're a lucky lady."

Alex slowly licked her lips and traced lazy circles on Piper's hands in a way she knew drove Piper crazy. "I have to go. Try not to miss me too much."

Piper closed her eyes and tried to calm her pulsing libido. It had been too long since Alex had touched her. "I can't promise that."

"Fair enough. Meet in the rec room after?" Piper nodded not trusting her voice not to betray how turned on she was simply by Alex touching her hand. Alex smiled and made her way out of the cube. She stopped just at the edge. "Pipes?" Piper looked over at Alex. "Thanks. For saving me."

Piper felt a huge weight lift from her shoulders and could only smile as Alex walked away. She laid down on Alex's abandoned bunk and surrounded herself with the smell of Alex. It was a comforting and yet arousal inducing smell. All Piper could think was that it smelled like home. She smiled as she tried to think of a way to make a great prison date. Somehow she was going to make them a picnic date out in the yard. It wasn't any special or romantic location overlooking the ocean or lush meadows full of daisies, but it would have to do.

* * *

After her meeting, Alex found Piper in the rec room sitting with Nicky and Lorna. "Hope I didn't miss much." She said as she slid into the empty seat beside Piper.

"Nah we're just catching Lorna up on the absolute nothing that happened while she was gone." Nicky explained.

"I'm sorry that you found your way back here Vause." Lorna said.

Alex winced, but covered it up with a shrug. "Parole violation. What are you gonna do, right?"

"Parole violation?" Piper questioned.

_Alex's eyes went wide as her probation officer stepped into her apartment. She moved her hand behind her back, but knew that he had already seen the gun. "Mr. Crockett."_

_"Miss Vause."_

_Alex closed her eyes not wanting to believe this was actually happening. "Fuck."_

_"Nice and slow Vause hand over the gun."_

_Alex turned the gun over in her hand and handed it to the officer barrel first. "I can explain." He held his hand up for her to stop talking. "It's not even loaded. It was just for show. You refused to do anything to help me! I had to protect myself." But the man wasn't listening. He tucked the gun into his belt and brought out his handcuffs. "Alex Vause you are under arrest for violating your parole."_

"My lazy fuck of a PO showed up at my apartment and I had a gun pointed at him."

"Those random checks will kill you every time." Lorna said with sadness.

"Man that sucks. I'm sorry." Nicky shook her head and glared at Piper. "Are you back for your original sentence? Or just the parole violation?"

Alex shrugged. "I don't know yet. That's what I was just talking to my counselor about. My lawyer is pushing to just have me sentenced for the violation and not have to serve the remainder of my original sentence, but I probably won't know for a while. You know how long that shit takes. By the time they figure it out I'll have served my original time."

Piper looked away from the group through the thin window on the other side of the room. The guilt she felt in this moment was too much. "I have to go get some stuff ready." She turned to Alex. "Meet me outside at lunch?" She didn't even wait for a response before she walked out of the room.

"Whoa, Piper wait." Alex caught up with her in the hallway. "Will you slow down for a second?" Piper stopped and slowly turned to Alex. "Hey" Alex's tone softened when she saw how Piper was trying everything not to cry. She reached up and gently caressed the side of Piper's face. "What's wrong?"

Piper took a step back. She didn't deserve Alex being nice to her right now. "How can you forgive me for what I did?"

"This again, Pipes?" Alex let out a frustrated breath. "Look, it isn't easy. And talking about it only brings all those feelings of hurt and betrayal back. The only way to move forward is not to talk about it. We've already talked about it so much Piper, what else is there really to say?" She took a few steps back and a deep breath, trying to calm her rising anger. But her anger wasn't just directed at Piper anymore. It was now more on the cartel. For creating the entire situation in the first place. For not protecting her. For taking every good thing in her life from her. She hadn't been there when her mother died because Kubra had changed his mind about letting her go back to the states for a month. She lost Piper, she lost her friends.

"It's not just you, Pipes. I gave them my loyalty and for what?!" She turned back to Piper with tears in her eyes. "To not be there when my mother died? To lose the love of my life? How many of my friends ODed? How many did Kubra kill for making one little fucking mistake? All the while I stayed and didn't say anything. I worked hard. I brought in fucking amazing money for them. To end up in prison?" She asked incredulously. The tears were streaming down her face now and she didn't care. Everything was hitting her at once. "I thought he would at least protect me. I mean it was the least he could fucking do, right? . . I was so stupid Piper. So fucking stupid."

Piper closed the distance between them and held Alex as tightly as she could as sobs wracked the taller woman's body. She whispered gently how it was okay and how everything would be okay as she stroked Alex's hair. After a few minutes Alex pulled away. "I think maybe I need to go back on sad drugs."

"I'll be your happy pill."

Alex rolled her eyes. "So corny Pipes. I forgot how much of a cornball you were."

"Not corny." Piper corrected. "Romantic." She reached up and gently wiped the tears from Alex's pale cheeks replacing them with soft kisses.

Alex laughed and wrapped her arms back around Piper pulling her close. "If you say so Kid." They stood there in the middle of the hall just holding one another for a few moments. "Thank you."

Piper pulled away and looked deep into Alex's eyes. "Anytime."

Alex smiled and took a deep breath, stepping out of Piper's embrace. "We need to move on and start healing. Both of us. For all of the shit we've been through. I was serious last night when I said we need to put everything behind us and move on. I don't want to talk about it anymore. We're even now. On all accounts. We're not going to talk about it we're just going to move on."

Piper nodded with a smile. "Okay."

"We're okay Piper." Alex said, taking a step closer to the blonde. She cast a quick glance around the hall and, seeing that they were still alone, she leaned over and placed a quick, soft kiss to Piper's lips. "Now you go and do whatever you have to do, but quickly. Because today is our day."

Piper smiled and hurried off down the hall. The sooner she got everything together, the sooner she and Alex could have their first date of the day.

* * *

"And how did you swing all of this?" Alex asked as she joined Piper outside. "All the way down to the plaid picnic blanket. Please tell me you didn't fuck one of the Spanish bitches for this?"

"Aw and there goes all the romance right out the window." Piper teased.

Alex threw her a wink as she sat down beside Piper on the small blue and white blanket. It wasn't the picnic Piper had made for them that one afternoon in Peru where they sat overlooking the fifteenth century ruins of Machu Picchu munching on fruit they had picked themselves the day before and sandwiches made from meat Piper found at a local market, but it was the thought that counted. And there was probably more thought into getting and making this meal than there was in Peru. Anything you did in prison took a lot more effort than not he outside. Even a simple picnic.

"Seriously, how did you do this?"

Piper smirked as she handed Alex a sandwich. Just turkey and cheese, nothing exotic. "Gina and Norma still work in the kitchen. They helped. Speaking of, how did you manage to make muffins this morning?"

"A muffin." Alex corrected. "I made a trade with the woman who runs it now."

"For what?" Piper asked around a mouthful of her own sandwich.

Alex shrugged. "One of her kids has a record and can't find a job. Shoplifting or petty theft or something. I don't normally hire anyone with a theft conviction, but I told her I'd give her a job at the club."

"But you don't work there anymore."

"Nope, but I still own it and run it."

"From in here?"

Alex nodded, waiting until she finished the food in her mouth before speaking. "I call one of the managers a couple times a week. Make sure things are running alright, make any changes that are necessary. If I tell them to hire someone they will. It's still my club."

Piper nodded. She was impressed. And glad that Alex was till able to do that from prison. It made her feel slightly less guilty for Alex being back inside. But only slightly. She reached up and twirled a dark lock in her fingers. "And Sophia?"

"New uniforms for her son's basketball team."

"Whoever said money doesn't do any good in prison lied."

"Just like anything else you gotta know how to work the system." She finished her sandwich and took a couple grapes from the bowl Piper held up. "The club is bringing in a good profit and what else do I have to spend it on in here? Might as well use it to make life in here a little more bearable. My accountant will be visiting about once a month. I tell him what to do with some of the money and the rest he invests." She explained.

_"Invest it."_

_"In what?"_

_"Fuck if I know." Alex answered with a shrug. "It's not going to do me much good in here." They had already agreed that every month he would send the maximum amount allowed to her commissary and Nicky's. As long as the prison got the money they could care less who it came from and Alex knew that Nicky rarely had much money in her commissary as she didn't speak to her family on the outside. It was her way of thanking Nicky for being there for Piper when she was out. Piper, Alex knew always got money from her family. Other than that small amount of money, the rest of the club's profits were just sitting there. _

_"Properties, charities..?" The accountant probed. _

_Alex raised an eyebrow, but just stared back at the man with a blank expression. After a minute she leaned forward. "Why don't you get me a big house in the Hamptons. Right on the water. Oh and I want another big one up in the woods somewhere by a big lake and five or six in other countries around the world." She said sarcastically. The accountant turned and jotted a couple notes down on the paper before him. She didn't mean to be rude to him. None of this was his fault. But she wasn't adjusting easily to being back in prison and the last thing she wanted to do was discuss what to do with the money she should be out in the world enjoying. _

_She looked around the room, an idea popping into her head. She turned back to the accountant with a smile. "There is this little shop in Queens that I want to help."_

"There should be a pretty decent nest egg by the time I get out of here even with doing these little favors for people. Actually, I'm hoping to get all new books in the library. Some of those have been in there for years. My counselor gave me a list of whats not allowed so hopefully within the next few weeks we can get that done."

Piper smiled. "I'm so proud of you. I never thought I'd see the day when you were this person making a living on the right side of the law. A pretty great living at that. And doing these sweet things to help people. Even if they are under the guise of a trade."

Alex smiled and looked away. "Yeah, well, I had to grow up at some point." She said trying to brush off the compliment. Piper let the subject drop and instead offered Alex a plate of her favorite desserts. Alex's eyes went wide. "You didn't?!

"You're not the only one who has a couple tricks up her sleeve."

Alex happily took one of the offered brownies and took a big bite. "I knew there were perks to keeping you around."

"Just didn't imagine them including eating?"

Alex smirked. "Oh no they did. Just not brownies."


	25. Two Dates One Day - Alex

Second part of the Vauseman date day! As with the last chapter, your reviews dictate when the next chapter gets posted. I've got a bunch of chapters ready and waiting to go. I'm very excited for what I've got coming. I think it's going to be a bit of a shock ;) Thank you so so so much to those of you who have taken the time to leave a review after reading the last chapter. If any of you write as well you know it means the world!

* * *

The rest of the day has been spent with a much lighter tone for the couple. It was hard to describe exactly, but after Alex's breakdown and their picnic Piper and Alex just both felt lighter. After talking and reminiscing and laughing there was this huge weight that had been lifted from their shoulders. Maybe because for the first time since Alex was back they weren't talking about how or why she was back. They were just being themselves. Enjoying the time they had together regardless of the fact that that time was spent in prison.

Currently they were involved in an intense game of charades. Piper was absolutely bombing every word she had and it was all Nicky could do to to pay attention, so unsurprisingly it was Alex and Lorna who were carrying their respective teams. "This is like the tenth game we've played can't we do something else?" Nicky whined. The crazy haired woman had been a really good sport up until now. Lorna loved playing the game and after her time in SHU it was nice to see her smiling and laughing and enjoying herself again. Nicky hadn't wanted to take that smile from her face for even a moment, but at this point she had had enough.

"Jealous we just kicked your ass for the _tenth_ time, Nichols?" Alex taunted.

Nicky scoffed. "You kicked my ass. Blondie here didn't so shit."

Piper shrugged. "Charades isn't my game."

"What is your game Piper?" Lorna asked.

"That involves me and Piper and a bed. Well, we don't even need a bed. Just a solid, well it doesn't have to be solid, but a surface-"

"Hey hey hey." Nicky interrupted. "We get it. Why don't you do us all a favor and just fuck and get it over with, huh? You two are like a pair of horney teenagers."

Piper looked over at Alex who was looking anywhere but at her as she bit her lip. No doubt trying to calm her raging libido the same as Piper was. "It's only our first date Nicky." Alex said.

"Yeah." Piper agreed. "We're starting over."

"Well isn't that nice. But I don't for a second believe that the first time you two met you didn't have sex. Even when Piper first got here and you two hated each other you still looked at each other with sex eyes."

Alex smirked. "Oh we did." She agreed.

"A couple times." Piper added.

"Alright so then go do it. Please. This tension is killing me. If the two of you don't cum, and soon, at least one of you is going to self combust and I'm afraid I'll be standing right next to you when that moment happens and you'll get your insides all in my hair and it won't ever come out."

As that all came out together it took the group a minute to understand it all. Alex, Piper and Lorna all looked at Nicky with wide eyes. Piper leaned over closer to Alex. "I think Nicky is the one who needs to get laid." She whispered.

Alex nodded, grabbing Piper's hand and leading her away from Nicky and Lorna. "I think they need some alone time."

They were about halfway down the hall when Nicky came running after them. "Hey, can you guys guard the chapel for us?" Alex looked down at Nicky and Lorna's joined hands and smiled. "Sure Nichols."

Piper pulled Alex aside. "Wait, Al, this is supposed to be our day." She whispered.

"Look how happy they are." Alex said with a smile. They both looked over at the other couple. She turned back to Piper with a slight pout. Usually it was Piper who tried to get her way with a pout, but Alex was quite good at it as well. "We have plenty of time." She reached up and cupped the side of Piper's face. "I'm not going anywhere."

"They do look happy." Piper reasoned. "Okay okay." She relented, rejoining their friends.

"It, uh, might be a while." Nicky smirked.

"I'd be ashamed of you as a woman and as a friend if it didn't Nichols." Alex joked. With the church services over for the day there wasn't technically a reason for anyone to be in the chapel so it was free and available for use when they got there. They locked the back door to the stage and Alex and Piper sat right up against the front doors that led into the main pair of the chapel. Occasionally they had to shoo a wondering couple or two looking for a place to have sex, but for the most part they just sat there talking.

"I've never really thought about it, you know?" Piper said in response to Alex's question about what she wanted to do for work once they left prison. The quintessential '_what do you want to be when you grow up' _question. All this focus had been on Alex and her getting a good, legal job out in the world that she had no idea what Piper had been doing for work before prison aside her little soap business. And after what Polly had done Piper had no idea what to do about PoPi. "I went from college to being a waitress to traveling with you to those few months I could barely get off Polly's couch, back to waitressing. Then I had to bite the bullet and accept my Dad's offer." After she graduated from college Piper had been determined to make it on her own. Her father had a great job set up for her at his investment company.

After spending a good few months curled up on Polly's couch after her breakup from Alex Piper had needed to get her life back together. She had asked her father and he gladly made a position available for her. It wasn't a great job. The position he had created for her years ago had been filled, but he had been able to give her something on short notice. She was a glorified secretary, but as her father owned the firm she made a pretty decent salary. She had figured she couldn't sink any further than she currently was at that point, so why not? Then after a few years of that she had convinced Polly they should start selling the soaps the brunette made. Shortly after she quit working for her father and made PoPi her fulltime job. Then she went to prison...

"We could always buy you a book store when we get out." Alex said with a shrug.

Piper smiled. "I do love the smell of books. But they're dying out Alex."

"Maybe." Alex shrugged. "I'll just buy a few more clubs and then you won't have to work at all."

"Absolutely not. We're not going back to a place where you're the only one working. That just leads to you working way too much."

"And you feeling ignored." Alex joked.

"And you ignoring our relationship." Piper corrected. "I'll figure something out. Things are going to be equal this time, Al."

"Yeah, but not exactly equal."

Piper gave Alex a look. "Fifty-fifty."

"Pipes-"

Piper held her hand up. "I don't want to hear it Alex. We need to do it this way this time around. It didn't work last time-"

"It didn't work last time because the cartel was running my life. No one is running my life anymore Piper."

Piper nodded. She had a point. "I'm not twenty-three anymore Al. I need it to be equal this time. It doesn't have to be everything split exactly down the middle." She bargained. She knew better than to think Alex would allow that to be the case. "But I'm not going to be some pathetic housewife." She joked.

Alex looked into Piper's eyes and nodded. She could see it was important to her. "Okay." She would agree to it for now, but part of Alex's personality was that she had to take care of Piper. That was how their relationship had always been. She didn't know how for it to be any other way. It made her happy to take care of the blonde.

"What were you doing while we were apart? Not for work, I know what you were doing, but how did they catch you?"

Alex shook her head. "In a fucking massive sting operation. I was pissed."

"That it?" Piper asked. "The great Alex Vause taken down in a sting?"

"I'm afraid so. I was coming off a three day high at the time and barely knew my name." Alex admitted. "Pretty anti-climactic, huh?"

Piper chuckled sadly. "Something like that." The pair were silent for a minute then Piper pursed her lips. There was so much she wanted to ask Alex. About Alex herself, about them, their relationship. After speaking with the therapist she was trying to voice her feelings more and not hold things back and her feelings at the moment were mostly happy. She was very happy that things between herself and Alex were good at the moment, but her mind kept asking her about the future and where they were heading. "What's going to happen when we get out?"

"What do you mean?"

"With us." Piper clarified. "I know things are just finally getting good between us again. And I don't want to ruin that, but..." She trailed off, trying to find the right words. "I don't know." She sighed. "We aren't even really together at the moment." She turned to Alex. "Are we?"

Alex raised an eyebrow. "Piper Chapman are you asking me to be your girlfriend?" She asked with a smirk.

If Alex wasn't ready for it she wouldn't have brought it up. She would have changed the subject or just brushed it off by reiterating that she needed some time. But she hadn't. Piper smiled. "Yes."

Alex smiled and opened her mouth to answer, but then very ungracefully fell back as the door she was leaning back against opened behind her. "What the fuck?"

"Sorry Vause." Nicky chuckled, reaching down to help Alex back up. "We're done now."

Lorna looked mortified as she stood beside Nicky. "She's always so classy."

Piper scoffed. "Don't I know it."

* * *

Their little group had a nice surprise waiting for them when dinner came. "Taco night!" Lorna smiled as they entered the cafeteria and took in the aromas.

"Thank fuck!" Alex said. Beef and noodles was getting really, really old.

"The only good thing about those bitches taking over Red's kitchen." Nicky chimed in.

"Tacos are Mexican." Piper said, grabbing a tray.

"So?" Nicky asked.

"Just because '_those bitches_' are Spanish doesn't mean they're Mexican." Piper rationalized.

Nicky rolled her eyes, dropping her tray down onto the table. "Okay Carmen Sandiego we still got tacos didn't we?"

Piper nodded and sat down beside Alex letting the subject drop. The two couples fell back into their respective little worlds; getting lost in the person next to them. Piper smiled at Nicky and Lorna. Lorna was adjusting very well after her few weeks in SHU. It wasn't always that easy. "Hey Piper, maybe you two should start a club? The 'I-just-got-out-of-SHU-and-need-to-fuck-someone's-brains-out' club." Lorna smacked Nicky right upside the head as Piper and Alex just laughed.

"I wouldn't say '_someone_' Nicky. We have standards." Piper said to Lorna who nodded. "Being in SHU, with all that time they so kindly give us to think about ourselves and our actions, made us realize what and who we wanted. And naturally right when we got out we went after what we wanted. Why would we want to waste anymore time?"

Lorna nodded with a big smile and turned to Nicky. "Exactly."

"So you're saying you want me, huh?" Nicky joked resulting in Lorna turning a bright shade of pink. She wasn't one who liked her sexual activities broadcasted.

"Give her a break Nichols." Alex began. "Be thankful you were what she wanted and she went after you. She could have gone after Boo." They all erupted into fits of laughter at that. Which was then made worse once the object of said laughter walked by their table.

Piper smiled up at Alex. It was nice to see her trying to help their friends' relationship. Or whatever relationship-like togetherness they had. Piper honestly had no idea if the two would make it to the next week never mind when they were out of prison, but for now it didn't matter. All that mattered was that they were together right now, in this moment. And that the moment was good. _'It's about comfort, right?'_

Suddenly Alex and Piper stopped laughing and the whole cafeteria went silent. "Nicky!" Piper whispered, nodding to the entrance.

Nicky raised and eyebrow as she and Lorna turned around to look. Her face dropped. "Red"

Red looked around the small cafeteria before she spotted them. She made a b-line for their table, going as quickly as she could being weak from laying in a hospital bed the past few weeks. Nicky stood up expecting Red was coming over for her, but the red haired woman went to Alex and pulled her up into a hug. "Thank you!" She said. "You are family now."

* * *

"What was that about?" Piper finally asked once dinner ended and they were heading to Alex's date. It was much later than they had planned, but they had all been wrapped up in a sort of unofficial welcome back party for Red and Sister Ingles.

"I bought her shop." Alex explained with a shrug. "Well, more like the club invested in her shop."

"You what? Why?"

"I know how important she is to Nicky. To a lot of women here. That shop is a big part of who she is. She's so proud of it you know? It keeps her going knowing there is something she made out there doing well; bringing in money, taking care of her family. Knowing that she has something beside prison to show for herself is important to her." She explained. Piper nodded knowing that was how Alex felt about her club. "I'm not going to have any part in running it I just couldn't see it sitting there empty. She worked her whole life for that little place. It means a lot to her." She looked away uncomfortably.

"She looked rough." Piper said changing the subject. She had learned recently that Alex seemed to be uncomfortable when they talked about the nice things she did for people. It wasn't that she didn't do things like that before prison. She did. But it was different now. Now she was doing these things with money she had earned legally through her own hard work. Her business. Not from drug money. It meant more now.

Alex guided Piper into the library with a hand on the small of her back. Once inside she closed the door and guided Piper to the back. "She's alive." She said. "Her family will help with the rest."

Piper nodded and remained silent while Alex led her to their date night activity. She waited as Alex took a few moments to unlock the storage room, with the key she had '_forgotten' _to return after her shift on Friday. She stepped inside and waited while Alex went back out into the library to turn the lights off so no one would think anyone was inside. Not that anyone would be looking. Count wasn't for another two or so hours and it was free time until then. Once she finished Alex joined Piper and closed the storage room door, flipping on the light as she did. "Ta-Da!" Alex said with a chuckle.

Piper smiled as she looked around the room. It was pretty cramped and cluttered, but off to one side at the front a small space had been cleared that held a ratty old looking couch.

"It's clean don't worry." Alex interjected as if reading Piper's thoughts. "And surprisingly comfortable." She took Piper's hand and led her to the couch. Once Piper sat down, and Alex was right the couch was surprisingly comfortable, Alex reached beneath the couch and pulled out a small box.

"What is that?"

Alex opened the box and took the object out. "Portable DVD player. I found it in a box in the back." She gestured behind them. "I think a CO must have left it or something."

Piper leaned back on the couch with a smile on their face. They were going to have their own movie night. It was something they used to do a lot when they first got together. Actually, movie night was usually code for sex. They would put a movie on and watch maybe the first five or ten minutes before one of them pounced on the other. Her eyes twinkled to what this movie night would be code for. She would be more than happy with whatever happened in that room tonight. Just being able to cuddle up alone with Alex would be more than she could have ever hoped for in recent weeks.

"I'm going to take that smile as you like it." Alex said. "You know you've been smiling a lot lately."

"I smile when I'm happy."

"Oh you're happy, huh?" Alex questioned. She got off the couch so she could set the DVD player up on some boxes a few feet in front of the couch. Piper immediately missed their connection and walked over to _help_ Alex. More like she stood there and admired the view as Alex bent down. When she finished Alex stood up and wrapped her arms around Piper's waist, pulling her close. Piper snaked her arms around Alex's neck. "Maybe you need a CAT scan. No reason to be happy in prison."

Piper looked deep into Alex's eyes. "I have every reason I need here in my arms."

Alex avoided her immediate instinct to roll her eyes or laugh and smiled. She had gone eight years without hearing Piper's ridiculously corny '_romantic_' phrases. She wouldn't take them for granted again. "Look Pipes, I know we have a lot we need to talk about. But can we just ignore it today? Just for tonight. I promise we will talk about it, but not now. Today has been such an amazing day I don't want to ruin it. We can ruin tomorrow."

Piper chuckled. "Tomorrow is Monday."

"See it's already ruined." Alex laughed for a second then turned serious. "You know why I wanted to make today so special?" She asked. Piper shook her head. "What day is it?" Piper shrugged. Dates weren't really important in prison unless you were getting out soon. "It's October twelfth."

Piper's eyes widened in recognition. "The day we first met." She nearly melted. All these years and Alex still remembered. Generally it was Piper who remembered important dates in their relationship. Alex was usually too busy and distracted to remember. "You remembered."

Alex nodded. "Of course I did Kid. Best day of my life." She smiled.

Piper's face turned serious. "I heart you."

Alex smiled and cocked her head to the side. "I love you too." They kissed. This time neither holding back anything as they poured all their feelings into the kiss. When they eventually came up for air Alex brought her hands up to cup either side of Piper's face. "And to answer your question, yes."

Piper's face twisted in confusion as she wracked her brain to think of what question she asked. Alex said nothing as she gave Piper a minute to figure it out. It was a pretty important question so it didn't take Piper long to figure it out and and a huge, bright smile took over her face. Alex had been about to answer when Nicky had opened the chapel door earlier and then they went to dinner. She pulled Alex's face to hers and crashed their lips together. They were officially back together.


	26. I Know You

My muse is back! As evident by he his super long chapter! It's the longest one I've written thus far. I have four chapters ready to go as well (the more you guys review, the sooner I post them) and am going on the fifth. She just won't quit! So much so that I woke up extremely tired this morning and am struggling to work, both because I'm exhausted and she keeps giving me ideas. Stayed up say too late last night, but I am so excited with the direction this story is going. You won't see it for a couple chapters, but it's good! Thank you so so so much to those of you that reviewed! It makes a writer very happy to know that their work is appreciated :). Keep it coming

Also, I'm looking for ideas for a special talent for the ladies, Alex and Piper, to have. Something they couldn't do in prison. Something artistic like painting or playing an instrument, writing, stuff like that. What could you see them being good at? Include it with your review please :)

* * *

"You know I'm not this monster she makes it seem like I was."

Nicky looked up at Alex in confusion. "She never said you were a monster."

"In Paris." Alex added. "Working all the time, leaving her alone in this strange city by herself, ignoring her..." She trailed off. "I had a ring-"

"Shit Vause you were gonna propose?!"

Alex chuckled sadly and smiled. "Yeah. It wasn't much. I could have bought a much nicer ring, but it was my grandmothers. It was simple, but it had meaning and history, you know? We had almost been together for four years. I asked Kubra if I could have some time off because I was going to propose to Piper on our anniversary and then take her on a sort of engagement getaway. He said I could have a few months off if I got all this shit done first."

"Which is why you were so busy in Paris." Nicky said in understanding. Piper hadn't told her the whole story, but she had gotten parts and from that figured out the gist of their issue.

"We were actually _really_ happy more often than we weren't except for that last trip." Alex explained. Alex was very busy with her work that was true. They had just increased her output shortly after she and Piper got together, but people with busy careers managed successful relationships all the time and Alex had been really good at prioritizing. At making time for both the cartel and Piper. Her work had been important to her, but so had Piper. She did whatever she could to give each equal attention. She brought the blonde all over the world so she could do her work and spend time with her girlfriend. For every night Alex spent working she spent two with her girlfriend, but it was never enough.

Their breakup wasn't just Alex's fault. Piper had been young and needy. She wanted all of Alex's attention all of the time and no matter what career path you choose, it just isn't possible to give another person one hundred percent of your undivided attention every second of the day. Even if you don't work. It just isn't possible. A fact young Piper had yet to learn.

"I know I was a shit girlfriend those last couple months. I know that. I did leave her alone and I was rarely there, but it was so that I could take a few months off with her after I proposed." Alex further explained. "It wasn't like I dropped her off in the middle of a foreign city by herself. There was a group we traveled with so there were always people to go with her and I gave her more than enough money for whatever she wanted to do..."

"Did you ever tell her?" Lorna asked.

Alex shook her head. "Her leaving kind of ruined that whole plan."

"You never told her after that?" Lorna asked again. Alex shook her head again. "I think you should. I think Piper would want to know."

Alex looked up at Nicky. "Do you think it would have made a difference if she had known?"

"Back then?" Nicky asked. Alex nodded. "If she had known she just had to deal for a while and then she would have had you all to herself for a couple of months? And be engaged to the woman she loved? Promised forever?" She looked at Alex with a _you've got to be kidding me_ look. "Of course I think it would have made a difference."

"Right." Alex slowly nodded. "I think my job was too much for her. Even if I had proposed and she had said yes I think she would have still left at some point. I would have had to go back to work eventually."

"But you don't have that job anymore." Lorna argued.

"You gotta stop keeping shit to yourself Vause. Be a girl. Share your feelings. Communicate." It was rare that Nicky had a heart-to-heart, but she was always more than willing to be serious for a few minutes to help a friend.

"Do you not see how she looks at you?" Morello asked. Alex shook her head. Yes Piper told her she loved her and everything, but Alex couldn't help the doubt that constantly clouded her mind. "Even when she first got here. She is so in love with you that she did something illegal. For you."

"That's in the past." Alex protested. "She moved on from me."

"Be that as it may," Nicky began. "She still had that same '_hopelessly in love_' look on her face when she was with writer boy. Whenever she would see you or hear you or one of us mentioned your name we could see it. Whenever someone mentioned the _fiancé_ the look disappeared. I'm not that into all this lovey dovey stuff and even I could tell. She wasn't fooling anyone."

"She never moved on." Lorna said. "She may have tried to and pretended that she did, but she never did. I can tell. You are each other's one true love."

Nicky scoffed. "One true love? What the fuck does that even mean?"

Alex tuned them out as she fell back into her own thoughts. She didn't like this person she had become. This person who was so unsure about things. Ten years ago she had always been so sure of things between herself and Piper. She knew how the blonde felt without her saying anything. She knew what to say and do and how to say and do them to make the blonde happy. But now everything was different. Her self confidence was shot. Her life had been turned upside down when she was arrested. She didn't know if she was the same Alex that Piper had first fallen in love with. She had told Piper that she hadn't changed, but that was all a front. The truth was that everything had changed.

"Look Vause I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Blondie. Stop thinking so damn much! Yes, it has been a long time for the two of you, but you know each other."

"She loves you." Morello added.

"But I'm so different from who she fell in love with. Fuck, it was ten years ago!"

"Alex." Nicky said, waiting for Alex to look up at her before she continued. "She still loves you. No shit you've changed after ten years. People don't stay exactly the same. She doesn't expect you to be the same carbon copy of who you were when you first met. But deep down on a fundamental level you are the same person."

"You two just need to get to know the new yous." Lorna said. "Get to know each other as you are now."

"That's what fucking dating is for, Vause."

Alex glared at Nicky. "Dating? In prison? You want me to date Piper in prison?" They had that one day a few weeks prior where they had had "dates" but it was prison! There was only so much they could do. Alex sighed. "This isn't how I want to do things. We're supposed to be doing things right this time around."

"You got a better idea?"

* * *

Piper looked at the man before her. He was cute there wasn't much use denying it. Just because she was with Alex didn't mean she couldn't find other people attractive. If she had to label herself she would be bisexual, but she didn't like to label herself. Sexuality was fluid and people fell on a spectrum not into neatly labeled boxes. So what if she had never loved a man the way she loved Alex? It didn't mean she was gay. Just as being with Larry didn't mean she was straight. It was all fluid.

'_I'm worried that I'm not myself in here. And I'm worried that I am.'_

Piper's head snapped up. Slowly over the past couple of months she had realized that Alex was the only person she had truly loved like this. She was the only person Piper had felt this undeniable, unfightable connection with. The only person with whom Piper couldn't even begin to describe her feelings for because they were too deep, too intense, too all consuming. Maybe she was gay? She thought for a moment, but she hadn't felt this way about another woman either. It was just Alex. Maybe that was a bigger sign. Like fate or soul mates, not that she was sure she believed in either, but it would explain why even through all the hurt and bullshit that she and Alex kept coming back to each other.

She pushed the thoughts of Alex aside and focused on the reason for her visit today. "So you said you wanted to talk to me about my grandmother's estate?"

"Yes." The man began, pulling various papers and folders from his briefcase. "As I explained on the phone I am from the firm handling Celeste's estate. There was a bit of a hold up as there were some issues with selling a couple of the properties she owned. Your grandfather's death certificate couldn't be located and as both of your grandparents owned the properties we needed to get a copy before we could move forward with that, but now that everything has been sorted-" He opened one of the Manila files and turned it to face Piper. "Everything about your inheritance is in there."

Piper looked from the file to the lawyer. "My inheritance?" She repeated. Normally when you had a visit from a lawyer you got to go in a private room with as much time as you needed, but as this lawyer wasn't here to discuss her legal case that wasn't allowed. Quickly she looked around the visitation room to make sure no one had heard. She already got enough shit for having money, even though she argued that her parents had money and not herself. It wouldn't do her any good for prison walls to talk about how she got more from her wealthy grandmother.

The lawyer nodded and went on to explain how her estate had been broken up. Her father was her grandparent's only child and thus other than what went to charity, everything went to her family. Celeste knew her son could take care of himself and Piper had always been her grandmother's favorite.

Piper looked down at the paper in front of her. She had expected to get some money from her grandmother, but this was not expected. "You're kidding me right? This is a joke." The man across from her just shook his head. "Fifty-seven million dollars?"

"After taxes." The lawyer said. "We liquidated all of your grandmother's assets. All properties, beside the home in Connecticut which she left to your brother Cal and the house in France, stocks, bonds, mutual funds, pensions, there was some rare artwork in storage that sold extremely well as well as some jewelry," The young lawyer continued his explanation of where the money had come from, but Piper could barely understand.

She knew that her grandmother had money, but not like this. Enough to leave some to charity, her parents and Cal, and still have enough to leave her fifty-seven million dollars? "I didn't know she had this much." The Chapman name came with its own share of wealth. Piper did have a trust fund when she was younger, but what she didn't blow the day she turned eighteen had all mostly went to her college and then to pay rent while she and Larry were living together because Lord knew Larry never had his share. However, her grandmother's money had all tied up in properties, stocks, artwork, jewelry and the like so it would be easy for her not to know how much her grandmother was actually worth.

"Your grandmother was worth around three hundred and eighty million dollars."

Piper continued to state at the man. This was a lot of money. It would certainly change things.

"There's also your grandmother's engagement ring. She left it to you, but obviously you can't have it until your release, so it is in a safety deposit box along with a few other pieces your mother said you would want. The information is all in that file. You can look it all over, but then I have to take it with me. I was told it wouldn't be safe for you to keep incase someone found it and used it to get things from you."

Piper lightly ran her hand over the picture of her grandmother's ring. She had never really thought of marriage. Okay, that was a lie. She thought about it often. The thing was though that she never thought she would end up married to the person who had her heart. It took her many years to accept Larry's proposal. After around a year and a half of them being together he had started asking, but she had told him she just wasn't ready yet. He asked every six months like clockwork until one day she just gave in and said yes. She was heading to prison and was desperate to cling to whatever part of her life she could. Even if that meant accepting the proposal of a man she didn't want to spend the rest of her life with.

She didn't even know Alex's thoughts on marriage anymore. Did she believe in marriage now? Did she want to get married? Did she ever think about it? There was only one person Piper could ever see wearing this ring.

* * *

Alex found Piper on her way back from visitation. When Piper saw her girlfriend waiting for her her face immediately broke into a grin. "Hey!"

Alex smiled back. "Hey yourself."

"Hope you didn't miss me too much while I was in there."

"Oh you know, just typical meetings of how and when were going to overthrow the government." Alex joked. "I cant tell you too much about it though. It's all very hush hush."

Piper smiled up at Alex and seeing there were no guards around, she pulled her girlfriend into a hug. Alex wrapped her arms securely around Piper, but when they pulled back her eyes were full of questions. "Later." Piper said.

Alex nodded, trusting the blonde to come to her when she was ready. "Can I go then?" Piper nodded as the pair resumed walking toward the cafeteria. It was nearly dinner time so there really wasn't a point in going back to the dorm first. "I was talking with Nicky-"

"No good will ever come from a sentence beginning like that."

"Probably not." Alex smirked. "But she told me that I need to stop thinking so much."

Piper nodded. "She told me that too."

"And that I need to stop keeping things to myself. Something about being a girl and sharing my feelings."

"Are you worried about something?" Piper asked. She sat down at an empty table and looked over to the kitchen smiling back at Red. It had been a few weeks now since Red had been out of the medical wing and she was looking better than ever. There was a spring back in the older woman's step. The prison, no doubt trying to make Red happy so she didn't file a lawsuit against them for failing to protect her, had given Red back control of the kitchen. It had worked. Red didn't say anything and was her old self again. She brought back her usual crew into the kitchen with the additions of Sister Ingles whom she had bonded with in medical and Lorna who needed a new work detail after the Miss Rosa debacle. Her old job back and her shop on the outside doing well again left a smile permanently on the Russian woman's face. Well, not so much on her face as on the inside. She did still have a reputation to uphold of course.

Alex took a deep breath as she sat down beside Piper. "I'm worried about us." She answered honestly. "I know my job was shit. But we were really happy Pipes. Like, really happy. We did stuff together all the time. We traveled, saw everything. I did everything I could to make you happy and it still wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. You still left."

"Alex it had nothing to do with that." Piper explained as she looked up at Alex with a sad expression on her face. "I loved you so much. You were everything to me. It was your fucking job! Little by little that job took you from me. If you hadn't been working for the cartel back then things would have been so different between us."

Alex sighed. "Yeah."

"Alex look at me." Piper waited until Alex finally looked over at her. "I am so sorry with how I left you. With the timing and everything... Me leaving when your mother died was a shitty thing to do and I will carry that guilt with me for the rest of my life. But I'm not sorry that I left. I couldn't deal with that kind of life anymore and you know that. But those things don't matter anymore Al. You're not involved in that anymore."

"It's just hard to trust that it won't happen again Piper. I know the only reason you stayed as long as you did was because you loved the traveling and the adventures. But I can't offer you that anymore. Certainly not in here."

"Is that why you think I stayed?" Piper asked.

Alex shrugged, looking Piper straight in the eyes. "Isn't it?"

"No! Alex I stayed because I loved you. And I was just waiting for the day you chose me over the cartel. I waited for that day for a long time, but it never came. Then in Paris-"

"I was going to propose in Paris." Alex blurted out without thinking. Piper's eyes went wide and Alex took a calming breath. "That's why I was working so much. I was going to propose and then take a few months off with you, but Kubra said I had to get certain things done before I could do that. That's why I was so busy."

Piper stared at Alex as the seconds ticked by. She opened and closed her mouth, but nothing came out. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"You left Piper. What was I supposed to say?" Alex asked sadly.

"You always said you didn't believe in marriage."

"I didn't when we first met." The brunette agreed. "I didn't believe in a lot of things until I met you." She admitted. "You only started talking about getting married after I'd already decided to propose. I didn't want you to suspect anything."

A few minutes of silence surrounded the couple as women started coming in for dinner. Alex turned her attention back to Piper. It wasn't often she let herself be vulnerable and share her true feelings. Especially feelings of hurt. She preferred to drink or fuck those feelings away, but being back in prison was giving her a lot of time for self reflection and Nicky was right. She did need to share what she was feeling with Piper. She didn't before and it led to her losing Piper. She would try anything she had to to change the outcome this time around. "I don't want the same things that broke us up last time, or the same issues we had, to break us up again."

Piper nodded in agreement. "I don't want that either."

Alex looked up and nodded toward the doorway where Nicky and Lorna had just entered. "Tweedledee and Tweedledum over there suggested that we need to get to know each other as we are now. That we need to date...in prison. We're not the same people we used to be, Pipes. I know I said I didn't change while we were apart, but I think we both know that's fucking bullshit. We might feel the same way we used to about each other, but we're different people now." She took a minute to collect her thoughts. Even though she was trying to break down her walls and let Piper in, to '_share,' _it wasn't very easy for her. "I'm afraid that we are in love with who we used to be and not who we are now. And I'm afraid that if we spend this time and get to know each other as we are now that . . ." She trailed off and looked away.

Piper reached up to Alex's cheek and turned the brunette to look at her. "That we won't love the people we find? That _I_ won't love who I find?" She corrected.

Alex nodded quickly, looking away again so she wouldn't get too emotional. It was one thing to let her guard down and be vulnerable with Piper, but there were other people around now and she couldn't be seen as vulnerable.

"Alex I love you. I know all I need to know about you." She turned Alex back to look at her again. Piper could care less about how people viewed her. They could think she was a weak sap for all she cared. All that mattered was getting Alex to believe they were okay. That they weren't doomed to fail. HisTory would not repeat itself this time. She wouldn't let it. "I know what it feels like to wake up in your arms. To see your face first thing when I wake up and immediately be filled with a feeling that no matter what is going on that everything will be okay. I can get through whatever it is because you won't let me do it alone. I know the different shades your eyes change depending on your mood. I know that, no matter what, you will be there for me. You will keep me safe. You will protect me. You will work hard to build a life for us. I know that when I give you my heart you will cherish it. I know what is in your heart. The other stuff, while yes, it is important for us to learn about each other and Nicky and Lorna were right we should date and learn those things, but it's not who you are.

"So you have a new favorite drink or use a different shampoo or maybe you have developed an allergy to cats." She joked. "I know you, Alex Vause. And I will do whatever you want because having you in my life is the most important thing to me. Not just in here but outside too. I told my parents about you." Alex's face lit up. Another fear of hers was that Piper just wanted her because she was all she had on the inside and that she would leave her once she was released. "I told them that when I am out of here I am going to be building a life with you. I am so sorry that I ever made you feel like you weren't good enough or what you did for me wasn't good enough. I love you so much Al. There is nothing you could tell me that would make me run. I will never leave you again."

Alex looked up at Piper with this huge smile on her face. She had been so afraid to voice her feelings to the blonde. That doing so would make her would seem weak. But now instead of these feelings eating her up inside, she had voiced her concerns and the blonde had helped them to go away. She was still worried that Piper wouldn't like what she found out about her, but at least now she wasn't afraid that Piper would leave. She realized that Piper did know her. The other stuff like what she had done while they were apart, her current likes and dislikes and whatnot didn't change who she was.

"I hope you wrote all that down Chapman because those would make fucking amazing wedding vows." Alex reached over and smacked Nicky upside the head for ruining their moment.

Piper smiled. Nicky was right. Those would make amazing vows. She wanted to ask Alex what her thoughts on marriage were. After all she had a ring now and they weren't getting any younger. Not that those were the only reasons she wanted to ask. She knew from the first time she met Alex that she would spend the rest of her life with her. She just hadn't imagined it would have turned out like this. But Alex had opened up to her a lot today. She didn't want to push her luck and freak Alex out by asking this question so soon into their new relationship. "I'm sure you'll help me remember when the time comes Nicky."

Alex looked at Nicky and smiled quickly before anyone could notice. The taunting died down as Lorna and Nicky dug into their meal and Alex and Piper went to join the line to get their own trays.

_"You ever thought about it Al?" Piper asked from the couch as she flipped through a magazine._

_Alex looked over from the doorway of the bathroom where she had just emerged after a shower. "Think about what?" She asked, running a towel over her head to soak up the excess water. __Piper showed Alex the front of the magazine she was reading. A nervous pit formed in Alex's stomach and a white hot fear shot through her. Piper was holding a wedding magazine. Alex panicked for a second thinking that maybe Piper had found her ring, but it wasn't at the hotel so the blonde couldn't have found it. "Where did you get that shit?"_

_"The store on the corner. I needed something new to read." She shrugged. "It was the only thing in English."_

_Alex let out a panicked breath. The last thing she wanted was for Piper to figure out she was going to propose before she hadn't he chance to. There was still so much for her to do until then. She was determined to make it the best night of the blonde's life. Everything had to be perfect. _

_Piper went back to reading; mistaking Alex's behavior for complete and total aversion to the idea. "Forget I asked."_

But Piper had noticed the look Alex and Nicky shared. Her heart was currently doing somersaults in her chest at the thought that maybe Alex wasn't as opposed to getting married as she had been years ago. As Alex said, they were different people now.


	27. Dating in Prison

I thought I'd give you all a little treat for all the great reviews I got last chapter! I said the more reviews I get, the sooner I will post the next chapter and voila. I will say that I am going on vacation to Colorado tomorrow until next Friday so I'm not sure how much posting will be done during that time, but if I get a lot of reviews I will be sure to post!

I'd originally ended this chapter very, very differently. However, my muse has been working overtime (I think she was trying to apologize for her absence) so a few chapters later and I realized I needed to switch my timeline around. So that has been a task and a half to figure out, of which I still haven't completely, but I do believe you will like this ending much more than what was originally written ;). It's just a little fluffy chapter. Hope you like!

The "There is more to us than the moment we make a bad decision" quote is from Jenji Kohan :)

I want to address something I got in a review. First of all, I haven't said ANYTHING about a proposal in their current time frame. I don't feel they're anywhere near ready for that right now. They need to learn how to be a couple outside of prison and outside of the world they were in as a couple before. Everything is different for them now both as a couple and individually. They need to learn how to be together again - how to work together. Second, I do not for a second believe that Alex took advantage of Piper's love. Nor do I believe that is why Piper is in prison. Alex always said that Piper was different so that while I do believe Alex first approached Piper with the intention of turning her into a mule, she never actually did because she saw this something different in her. She fell in love with her. And as I've written in the story, Alex wanted to protect Piper and keep her out of the drug world even though she didn't succeed. In the show Piper says a few times that she made the choice to do what she did and that it wasn't anyone's fault but her own. Also with how I wrote the whole Brussels situation is that Piper volunteered to do it. Alex never even asked.

I don't think Alex took advantage of Piper or her love, but that the drug business was slowly taking over and as Piper said, ruining everything good in her life. But I believe, and as I've written this story, Alex did truly love Piper and have her best interests at heart. She regrets letting Piper carry that suitcase, but she's human and made a mistake. She needed help and Piper volunteered. They both made mistakes.

Have faith in me, dear readers :). I have so many exciting things coming the next few chapters. As always, please read & review!

* * *

"Do you think that we just have too much history?" Alex furrowed her brow in confusion. "That we will never be able to get past everything and actually be a normal fucking couple?" Piper clarified.

Alex laughed. "Well first of all no part of our fucking is normal. Earth shattering and mind blowing, yes, but never normal." Piper rolled her eyes. "But I think the fact that even through everything we keep coming back to one another says more than all the shit."

Piper nodded. It made complete sense. They wouldn't have found each other again if they weren't supposed to. If they weren't supposed to be together that connection they have wouldn't exist. But then again, just because you wanted something didn't mean it was good for you. "You will always be inevitable to me. And I know you don't want to be inevitable. You want to be a choice. And you are, but still..." She shrugged. "You're inevitable. We're inevitable."

Alex smirked. "There are worse things I suppose."

Piper smiled, then looked away sadly. All of this self reflection in her therapy sessions and opening up and expressing herself to Alex was bringing up a lot of things that were hard to deal with. Alex had been really great with helping her feel comfortable enough to share what she was feeling and had been helpful helping the blonde to sort out her shit too. In return, Piper was making sure to always surround Alex with those same feelings of security and love so the brunette could open up as well. And '_be a girl' _as Nicky had put it. It wasn't easy for Alex to let anyone in under her defenses; under those walls she had been hiding behind for years. Least of all someone who had already broken her heart several times. But she was making an effort and that meant the world to Piper.

"Pennsatucky said I wasn't worthy of anyone's love."

Alex looked up from her cards in confusion. "What?"

"When I attacked her during the Christmas pageant last year." Piper said, looking away. "She said I wasn't worthy of anyone's love and I . . . I snapped."

Alex shook her head. "Nothing that fucked up meth head says is true Pipes. She doesn't even remember what she says from one day to the next. Look at me" When Piper didn't look up Alex looked around the room. Pennsatucky wasn't there. For that her God must have been watching out for her because Alex would have walked right up to her and punched her in her hate spewing mouth. It was clear that whatever had gone down between the two women out there that cold December night still left Piper with scars and a shit ton of self doubt.

"Pipes...I'm not going to sit here and say that you're perfect and have never done anything wrong because we both know that's not true. But that doesn't mean you're not worthy of anyone's love. You're not even that person you were when you first came here. You have changed so much. You're trying to better yourself; to become a better person and to stop doing the fucked up shit you used to. The Piper Chapman merry-go-round had been officially closed." Piper looked up at Alex and smiled sadly. "We have all done fucked up shit. We're human. What matters is how we learn and grow from the mistakes that we make. As long as we try to change and not keep repeating the same shit..." She caught Piper's eye and gave her a small smile. "That's all we can do. We can't go back and change the past, Pipes. Besides Pennsatucky is the last person to be giving anyone a morality lesson."

Piper shrugged. She couldn't argue with Alex's logic, but all the pain she had caused others over the course of her adult life really weighed heavily on her. The brunette was right. The past was the past. There was no changing it. You just have to learn to accept it, move on and try not to make the same mistakes again, but Piper wasn't going to change overnight. And neither would how Pennsatucky's words affected her. Seeing Alex looking at her expectantly she offered her a smile. "I'm working on it."

Alex chuckled. "See that you do. You can't let that meth head affect you so much. She knows what to say to get to people. You can't let her win. There is more to us than the moment we make a bad decision."

Piper nodded. "Anyway," She started, changing the subject. "There's the Halloween party later. I know it's short notice, but my other girlfriend is busy, so...wanna be my date?" She looked at Alex with a bright smile and twinkle in her eye. It was work, but they tried to be as normal of a couple as they could given their current circumstances. Which meant asking Alex to a party rather than asking Alex to a small room filled with toilet paper streamers and prison-made decorations where men who had complete power over them would be circling like vultures waiting for someone to step out of line.

"I'd love to be your date." Alex accepted without question. One day the reality of their situation would crash down upon them, but today wasn't it. Today she was just a girl going to a party with her girlfriend.

"Hey Al?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you still have it?"

"Depends. We have a lot of 'it's. I have everything from our relationship Piper. Pictures, letters, things we bought together, any gift you ever gave me." She let that sink in for a minute. "It's all in storage" she shrugged. "But I have it."

"Alexandra Vause you closet romantic." Piper said with a smile. She was touched that Alex had saved everything. She always regretted that she never had anything from their relationship. How could she really though? They mostly traveled and lived in hotels. Great hotels, but hotels none the less. When they weren't traveling she lived with Alex. Then she chose to leave. Only being able to take what would fit in her luggage she hadn't been able to bring any memories with her. How she had wished she'd even just had a sweatshirt of Alex's to hold at night.

Alex leaned in and kissed Piper cheek. "Only for you." She pulled away and turned so her back was to Piper. She pulled her hair to the side, exposing her neck tattoo. It was small, to the right of her spine on the base of her skull only barely visible under her hairline, but it made Piper smile.

The blonde traced a gentle finger over the dark spelling of her own initials. PC. "You do still have it."

Alex put her hair down and turned back around to face Piper. "I've always kept a part of you with me." She admitted, a small, shy smile coming over her face.

And that, was why Alex Vause always wore her hair down.

Sure, most inmates knew they were together and a few guards. The inmates were one thing, but the guards mostly turned a blind eye. They knew what little happiness the women could find inside would make them less prone to act out and make problems aka more work for them. But Alex didn't need anyone seeing her tattoo and having concrete proof of what the other woman meant to her. It would make Piper a target for anyone trying to get to her and she wouldn't allow that.

Piper looked up at Alex. "How much money did you save from the cartel?"

Alex took a deep breath and furrowed her eyebrows in thought. She had a few different accounts the Feds hadn't found. Kubra trained her well. She wasn't dumb enough to tie up all her money in one account or even to use her own name. "Last I checked, about..." She tapped her fingers on the table as she thought. She had been sure to check on all her accounts during her brief stint outside of prison walls. Her money was all still there thankfully. Toward the end of the cartel's reign of power before the Feds came knocking Alex had been sober enough to transfer the majority of her money into off shore accounts under various aliases. There had been a rumor going around that the Feds were onto them of which most just shrugged off, but Alex Vause was no idiot. She didn't have time to transfer her properties into other names, but like hell she would let them take the money she had lost everything good in her life because of.

"About twenty, twenty-five million. Why?" Alex hadn't been lying when she said that she was "_really fucking brilliant" _at her job. If anything, she had been modest. After Piper left her, there was nothing holding Alex back so she had thrown everything she had into her job. In the nearly ten years after Piper Alex had quickly moved up the ranks and by the time it all came crashing down she was the third highest ranking member of the cartel only under Fahri and Kubra himself. She was the only woman in its history to have made it that far, and the youngest person, male or female. She had even taken over New York, having one of the largest cities in the country to herself, when Fahri had moved on to LA. There were grand plans for her to keep rising straight to the top. Grand, grand plans.

"My visit yesterday was from one of the lawyers handling my grandmothers estate." Piper looked around quickly and pushed her chair in closer to Alex. With a low voice she continued. "She left me fifty-seven million dollars."

Alex's eyebrows shot straight up to her hairline. "Holy fuck."

Piper nodded. "Right."

"That's a lot of money."

"I know. What the hell do I do with it?"

Alex smiled. "Whatever the fuck you want."

* * *

Despite it being a Halloween party in prison and depressing as prison parties tended to be, both Piper and Alex put in a lot of effort for the event. Both had booked time in with Sophia - Alex getting her hair straightened in the way that Piper liked and Piper getting her hair curled into the way Alex liked. They applied some slightly contraband makeup and nail polish and put on their cleanest pair of prison khakis. The COs had made strict rules that just because it was a Halloween party, there was no dressing up or excessive make-up or altering their appearance or prison issued clothing in any way. They were "_lucky to even be having a party._"

Piper was standing at the 'punch' bowl, which Poussey had definitely spiked with some of her hooch, chatting with Lorna about, what else, weddings and such when a pair of soft lips pressed a kiss to the side of her neck. It was quick. They were apart before a CO could notice, but Alex parked herself as close to Piper as she could while looking completely innocent. "So . . . Piper Chapman . . . What else do I need to know about you?"

Piper smiled at the memory. The last thing she would have thought walking into that bar that chilly October night was that her life would completely change. She had hoped that it would via the way of getting a job, but not in the way that it had. Not that she regretted it. Not any of it. Well, she regretted Larry, but that came much later. Or more along the lines of how she had basically used him to get over Alex, as a placeholder for Alex. At first he had been safe and stable, albeit extremely boring. Years later he was still safe and stable, albeit extremely boring. There was no spark, no chemistry, no passion. Yes she wanted safety and stability, but she also wanted danger and adventure. She wanted warm, but she also wanted hot. She wanted that kind of passion and love so overwhelming you had to have the person you were with wherever you happened to be when the mood hit. That certainly hadn't been Larry, but in the end it was never Larry's fault. She should have ended it before it really began, but she had been desperate to feel something, anything, since her breakup from Alex.

Piper shook her head and forced the memory from her mind, filling herself with memories instead of the brunette by her side. Alex. She would never regret anything pertaining to the raven haired beauty. That wasn't entirely true she reasoned. She did regret that Alex had chosen drugs over her, but that was never her choice to make. Anything besides that - carrying that suitcase in Brussels, following Alex all over the world on drug money, leaving her family and friends behind for nearly four years, being in prison because of the life she and Alex had...she didn't regret a second of it. On paper their relationship never should have worked. And it didn't at times. But they were connected. There was this invisible string connecting them no matter how far they were from one another or how close. They always felt it. A tug drawing them toward the other. Making their presence euphoric and their absence excruciatingly painful.

_Polly sighed and sat down beside her friend. She didn't need to ask how she was doing. The blonde was still in the same position she had been hours earlier when Polly left for work. Piper had been back in the states for a little over a month at this point and still spent the majority of her time crying. She wasn't working, she wasn't going out, she wasn't getting dressed. She could barely get through an hour without her eyes glossing over and it was all Polly could do to get her to shower._

_Piper sat up not even bothering to wipe the tears from her face. "I know you don't get it Pol." She said, shaking her head. "I love her."_

_"She chose drugs over you Piper!"_

_Piper cringed. She hadn't wanted to tell her best friend what Alex did, but she had been distraught and in such a state of shock when she stepped off the plane from Paris and had kept muttering about how she didn't understand how Alex could have picked drugs over her. "You don't get it!" Piper fought back. "What we had..." She trailed off as a fresh wave of tears came. "She was everything to me." She sobbed. "It hurts so much Polly I don't know what to do."_

_Polly silently got up and went into the kitchen coming back a moment later with a large, dark bottle. "Drink." Polly had seen Piper through her share of break-ups, but she had never been like this. Despite the fucked up nature of it all Polly knew Piper had truly loved Alex with everything she had. Maybe they were soulmates or whatever, but from what she had seen they were also toxic. _

_Piper took a long swig from the bottle cringing as the liquid burned its way down her throat. "I don't know what to do without her. I need her."_

_"I know." Polly put her arms around Piper and pulled the crying woman toward her. She had already given her the speech about how she would cry and be sad for a little while and then brush herself off and get back out there, but in over a month Piper wasn't getting any better. She was still as distraught as she had been when she stepped off the plane. The two clearly had something deeper than Polly knew. _

_"It's weird," Piper began, back handing the tears from her face. "I can almost still feel her. Every day it's getting less and less-"_

_"That's good."_

_"No it's not!" Piper snapped. "I want it to hurt . . . I want to not be able to get up off this couch because the minute I do it's like she's really gone. At least when it hurts I can still feel her. I can still feel her holding me at night, I can still feel her lips on mine, I can hear her voice..." _

_Polly offered her friend a small smile and made her take another drink. _

"Hey" Alex's voice brought Piper back. "Where did you go?" Piper looked over at Alex and saw a concerned look on her face. Piper raised an eyebrow in confusion. Alex reached up and wiped a tear from Piper's cheek. "You were crying."

Piper smiled sadly. "I was just remembering when I came back after Paris."

_Alex looked out over the crowd of people, not seeing anyone or anything in particular. The music was booming in through the speakers as the crowds of people moved and writhed against one another, but none of it registered with the brunette. Six weeks. It had been six weeks since she had seen or heard from Piper. Six weeks since she lost the only two people in the world she gave a damn about. Six weeks since her world completely fell apart. Despite the endless parties and people always around her Alex had never felt more alone. She downed the rest of her drink in one gulp and signaled to the waitress for another. _

_To say she missed Piper would be an understatement. She had never given much thought or belief into the concept of soul mates, but without Piper she didn't feel complete. She was missing a big part of herself and she didn't know how to do anything anymore. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to smile. The world seemed to stop turning. _

_Alex hated this vulnerability. She hated that someone had this much power over her. Especially someone who could so easily choose to leave. And to leave at the same time her mother died. She should have been mad at Piper. She should have hated her, but she couldn't bring herself to. Cell phone in hand, Alex went back to her camera roll and resumed scrolling through the pictures of herself and Piper. They looked so happy. How could she not have known that they really weren't? Had she been so blinded by the adrenalin and the power of the deals she was making that she hadn't realized Piper was miserable? She promised the blonde she would always be there for her, but was she?_

_Alex didn't register the body next to her until she felt a hand cover her phone. "Can I fucking help you?" She turned to see one of her new mules sitting beside her. She was a beautiful woman and in a time before Piper Alex wouldn't have hesitated in taking her home, but there had been Piper and now everything was different. _

_The red head winked and drew out a small baggie from her pocket. "I can make you feel better." _

_Alex scoffed and looked away. She never touched her product. She was a drug dealer, yes, but she was no druggie. She already had one thing with this insane hold over her she didn't need another. She sighed. Piper. Even though she was gone Alex could still feel her. She could feel her warm skin under her touch, feel how easily their bodies molded together as they made love, she could feel Piper's lips on her neck. She turned back to the woman beside her. Anything was better than drowning in the hurt and the pain and the loneliness __Piper had left her in. Even heroin._

Alex ladled out two cups of this mystery punch for them. "Drink."

Piper could tell that Alex had just gone back there too. "How did you get through it?"

"I didn't." Alex answered honestly.

Piper nodded. She never did either. "How did you deal?" She corrected.

Alex sighed. "Heroin." She answered honestly.

Piper looked away. Alex had always been so strongly against using the drug. Sure, she smoked weed occasionally and drank like a fish, but that had been it. She knew first hand how drugs could fuck up your life and she was adamant she wouldn't let that happen to her. Piper figured she had fucked up Alex's life pretty bad by leaving so what else did her love have to lose?

"You wanna get out of here?"

"God yes." Piper finished her drink and let Alex take her hand and lead her from the room as if the painful memories would stay behind.

Alex led them down the hall and into the chapel. Everyone was at the party digging into pumpkin shaped cookies and electric green punch so they should be uninterrupted for an hour at least.

Piper's heart was beating so hard in her chest that she was sure Alex could hear it. But if she did she didn't let on. As soon as the doors closed behind them she pulled Alex to her and kissed her with every feeling in her body. It had been so long since she and Alex had been intimate. Not since her furlough which at this point felt like an entire lifetime ago. It was fitting that this was the exact spot she had dragged Alex to once she was released from her first trip to SHU. It was the spot of their reconnecting then and it would be the spot of their reconnecting now.

Alex's heart was pounding, her head was spinning, her every nerve ending was on fire. She would never get tired of kissing Piper. It made her feel more alive than anything she had ever done. It reminded her of why she felt drawn to the blonde in the first place. There was just something that happened when they were together.

She pulled back and looked deep into Piper's eyes which were now dark and clouded with lust. Alex loved every shade of Piper's eyes, but this navy blue haze that showed her exactly how badly Piper wanted her was by far her favorite. She couldn't help but smile as she got lost in Piper's eyes. As corny as it sounded Alex felt as if the whole world melted away whenever Piper looked at her. Especially when those eyes were filled with lust and Alex knew that within minutes they would be sharing something they had only and would only find with each other.

They came together and kissed again. This time the kisses were deep and filled with need and longing. There was an urgency. Hands were roaming, searching for any skin contact they could find. Soon their prison khakis were shed with not a care given to where they ended up. They probably should have made sure they were close by and within reach, but where their clothes ended up wasn't even a thought at the moment. Not that they had much blood left in their brains to think at all. It was all pulsing a bit further south.

Alex quickly took control, gently laying Piper down on the small space behind the pulpit. "Hold on." She pulled away and disappeared backstage for a moment before re-emerging holding a blanket. Piper smiled as she moved so Alex could spread the blanket down. She let the brunette lay her back down on top of the blanket. She tangled her hands deep into thick dark locks and locked her eyes on Alex's. "I love you."

Alex gently reached up to tuck the hair behind Piper's ear and smiled. "I love you." They spent the next few minutes kissing, letting their arousal slowly build. This was reconnecting on much more than a physical level. They shared something special whenever they were together. Neither could explain it, but they just felt whole. Slowly Alex trailed kisses down Piper's neck to her chest and down to her breasts, taking a nipple into her mouth.

Piper let her head fall back as a moan escaped her lips.

Alex smirked and gently bit down causing another moan to come from the blonde. Giving blonde's other breast equal attention Alex began traveling further south, but Piper stopped her.

Piper shook her head. "We both go." She said breathlessly. "At the same time."

Alex smirked, but nodded as she brought her lips back up to Piper's. She threw a leg over Piper's so that she was straddling her right leg. Tantalizingly slowly Alex trailed her hand down her girlfriend's body until she met the wetness between her legs. "Jesus Pipes!" She raised an eyebrow. "Is this all for me?"

"Mhmm." Piper bit her lip and nodded. "Always." Bringing Alex back up to her mouth she trailed her own hands over Alex's body. She dragged her nails sharply over the brunette's toned back smiling at the hiss she got in return. Sliding to the front of her love she took her amply sized breasts in her hands and gently knead the soft skin.

Alex broke from Piper's lips as she moaned as long fingers squeezed her nipples hard. "Fuck me."

Piper smirked. "Planning on it." Quickly, before Alex could register what was going on, Piper plunged two fingers deep into Alex's dripping sex.

"Fuck! Pipes."

"You are literally dripping Al." Piper quite literally purred.

Alex nodded. "Are you just here for commentary or are you going to do something about it?"

Piper smiled. "Together."

Alex brought her hand down to Piper's sex and slowly inserted a single finger. She waited until Piper was bearing down on her hand craving more before she added another. She looked up at Piper and nodded, bringing her thumb to apply gentle pressure to the blonde's clit.

Piper's breathing soon became ragged, but she focused on the task at hand. She mirrored Alex's movements, but rougher. Piper liked her love making to be soft and gentle where Alex liked it rougher. Neither woman had any problem giving the other exactly what they wanted.

Looking deeply into each other's eyes the pair moved in unison. Slowly at first, but as the tension grew their movements gained speed and soon both women were right on the edge. Try as she may to hold off, it was Alex who went first. It was always Piper who got her unraveled faster than anyone else had ever been able to. Not that she minded. A moment later Piper followed, finally breaking their eye contact as her head fell back from the impact of her orgasm.

They rode out the waves of their respective orgasms before they untangled their long limbs and curled up there behind the little pulpit. They remained silent for a while, waiting for the stars that had exploded behind their respective eyelids to disappear and for their limbs and brains to function once again. Alex sighed contently, wrapping her arm over Piper's stomach to pull her closer. She placed a kiss to that sensitive spot behind Piper's ear. "Just think, soon we will be able to do that outside of this shitty place." Hopefully, Alex thought. If they ever started the second trial.

Piper pulled Alex's arms tighter around herself. She turned her head for one more kiss. It was soft and gentle. Full of everything the couple felt for one another; love, passion, understanding, longing, happiness. "I can't wait."


End file.
